I'd appreciate people's opinion on this.

Hello

I recently got myself in a situation with a woman at work. We would flirt a lot and then out of the blue she gave me her phone number. I messaged her and we started a WhatsApp correspondence and after a few days she invited me round to her place in the early hours of the morning.

I said that I thought this was not a good way to start things as we had only ever seen each other in work and she said we could just have a cuddle. I, perhaps naively, took her at her word and when I arrived it was immediately apparent (she was naked except for a shirt) that this was a booty call. She was making all the moves, groping me, wanting us to go upstairs etc.

I was uncomfortable with this and thought it was unusual behaviour. Remember, this was the first time we had EVER seen each other outside work, we had never even seen each other at an office party.

If a friend of mine had described a similar experience I would have said that the woman chasing after him was a slag.

Do you think that is a fair description or am I being harsh on her?

 

run away fast

 

I did. Would you say she's a slag?

 

What is a slag

 

A slag is another name for a slut. I'm not saying she is but would you say she acted like one here?

 

if you're not interested, feel free to give her my number.

 

Hahaha

 

If you have a bad feeling about it, walk away.

 

Thanks, what is your view of the way she's behaved?

 

Are you looking for an opinion of her?

 

Yes, I am.

 

I find this a difficult one and you have not given us too much information, particularly on the timelines.
I have always said that meeting someone in the work environment is the best way to see each other in your true colors. You have not mentioned how long that you have worked together, but even after a month you would have been together for the same length of time as a girl that you had normally been dating for a year or more. On the positive side, you have a far better knowledge of each other than someone you would have met at a bar or club.
Looked at this way, was a physical encounter not an obvious next step, even if the circumstances were somewhat unusual. Bearing in mind that you would be working together again the next day, was this so bad after all.
Without knowing far more background facts, such as the time that you have been working together, how long you have been flirting and how long your text conversations have been going on for, it is difficult to decide.
Perhaps more importantly, was this the first time that she had done anything like this.? Also, what was the trigger that night,? had she been drinking,?
Plenty of food for thought, but without a lot of answers, I find it difficult to provide any suggestions.

 

I can't without knowing her, and even if I did, I've finally learned (after many long stupid years) that it's best to not give opinions on individuals. Even if I did, I wouldn't call anyone a slag (whatever that is).

I guess commenting on her behavior isn't necessarily the same as giving an opinion of her, so...

Her behavior could be a sign of a strong desire for intimacy, a sign of a strong desire to win you over, a sign that she feels that her behavior is what was expected in that situation, or possibly a million other things. If it was obvious that you were uncomfortable, and she didn't notice (or didn't care), there's a good chance that future similar situations won't turn out good. I don't see anything wrong with a strong desire for intimacy myself, but I do see problems with one or more people in any kind of relationship being uncomfortable.

I've been through that more than once.

She may be a wonderful person, but unless all partiesiin a relationship are empathetic towards one another AND true to themselves, i think it's best to maintain some distance (emotionally/mentally, if not physically).

Night night everyone

 

Thanks for your response. We had been working together for a couple of months although I don't agree at all that 'even after a month you would have been together for the same length of time as a girl that you had normally been dating for a year or more'.

First of all, we are not working together all day every day, we are colleagues whose paths cross on a fairly regular basis and even if we were around each other at work more frequently it cannot compare with time spent dating someone, it is a totally different type of relationship.

I don't think a booty call as the first meeting outside work is the obvious next step either, in fact I think it's pretty weird and extreme. We had been flirting for a couple of weeks and the text conversations had been going on for 2 or 3 days. I've no idea if she had done anything like this before, although I doubt it because she said she recently come out of a long-term relationship. There was no sign at all that she had been drinking either. However she said she wanted to have an open relationship which suggests she would do something like this again with someone else.

 

Thanks for your response. She was asking me lots of questions about previous relationships, when they were etc and persisted in asking them even when I told her that I was unwilling to discuss it.

 

Thank you for clarifying all these points, I can now see and fully appreciate your concerns.
For what it is worth, in your situation I would also be running for the hills.
Their are some strange people in this world.

 

Thanks

 

So did you have sex with her? I mean if you are heading over to her house in the early hours of the morning it’s not to discuss work...

 

You are hose a, she wanted hose b


(Your penis, if no one gets that)

 

No, I didn't have sex with her. Obviously discussing work was not going to be the purpose of meeting but as I mentioned before I told her that I didn't think going round to her place was a good way to start things.

Having made that point to her I then asked her what she wanted me to come round for. She said for a cuddle, so I took her at her word.