I want to have a baby...

heres the story
I'm 23 going on 24... I live with my boyfriend who is more like a husband already, we've been together for 8 years. we both work. together we make around 1,200 a month... we pay 350 rent so that leave us with 850 a month for whatever else we need. I know its not much. but we are simple people, we do not spend much on unecesary things, we are vegetarians so we save a bit on food, we dont have to pay any bills except for one credit card that we don't use anymore.we don't have any money saved. but we can start at anytime... we live in a rented one bedroom apartment... it is spacious and in good condition.
so, I have wanted to have a child with him for a few years but we couldn't cause we were in colege and still living with our parents until 6 months ago.
the relationship is great, no complaints. mentally we are ready to raise a child... but everyone says that we shouldn't have one if we rent... that we should buy a house first. that with our jobs and income we cant aford it, hospitals, medical, food, diapers, and all that stuff. they keep on saying that its expensive.
but the way i see it is that we will raise this child diferent than all these materialistic people that keep talking about all the money you spend.
i know money has to be spent because thats the way the world works. but i know there are other ways to get by.
people worry too much. and here people see having a baby as a burden, a big problem they dont want to deal with.
my baby will be vegetarian and will only see natural and holistic doctors so they wont be filling my baby up with expensive and adicting medicines. so i think maybe that will save us a bit of money. we are a healthy couple so i expect my child to be the same.
i plan on making my own baby food and also home schooling.
i dont know... what do you parents think...
can it be done?
what about the indians who used to have their babies in fields and keep working right after with their babys in a pouch.
should i wait to have a house... how much do u think i should save up?
don't think i'm crazy... i just think very freely and am very open minded and a simple person.
i dont see myself buying all that high tech baby things they have around now, soon cribs will have tvs installed. so i know i wont spend so much money on baby accesories. only the necesary.

i hope someone understands my point of view and could give me some good advice... not the same crap i hear all the time.
or maybe someone has gone through a similar situation and can share it with me...
i would love to hear something positive for a change cause aparently the "all you need is love" expression doesnt work on this planet.

thanx for hearing me out!

 

What you said there to me is as good as time as any to have a baby. You seem to have thought it through. You seem to be in a stable relationship with your boyfriend which is good. There are ways of reducing costs and it looks like you have looked in to it.

When I eventually get around to having kids I would like to raise them as cost efficiently as posible. If I am earning enough I would put the amount of money I save in a savings account so that the child can persue their dreams and will have the funds in place. But having a child is a bit of a far off dream for me at the moment. Hopefully somebody would come along to make that dream happen.

Having a done a thought exercise how much of the baby stuff do you really need? People have been raising kids since the dawn of civilisation and they have managed without all the crap we have today.

Personally I think you have the right attitude so go for it.
Matt

 

Y'know, if we all waited until we could afford to have kids, or for the right time to pop up & announce itself to us, nobody would ever have children. My son is a honeymoon baby. I was 19, and too young. We lived with my parents for a few months because our apartment fell through at the last minute. We had no money & hadn't intended to have a child quite that soon. And we did okay. You will too.

You've thought through more than most people do, before they decide to have children. Yes kids are expensive, I won't lie to you. But somehow you just MAKE the things that count happen. A crib is not a necessity, but clothes are. So your baby might sleep with you so they have clothes to wear. Somehow it works out in the end.

The only thing you didn't mention, is how your boyfriend feels about children. As long as he is ready & willing too though, I'd say you're as ready as anyone can be.
love,
mom

 

what exactly do you mean by expensive and addicting medicines? Hopefully you aren't refering to vaccines, innoculations (spelling) and other medicines that while sometimes being expensive are actually in your childs best interest. Would be kinda stupid for your child to die from something totally curable just because you wanted him to be "holistic". Basically, if there was a problem with your childs health, i hope you would take him to a doctor who could fix it and not just throw a bunch of herbs at it. For example, if he needs surgery, will you get him surgery?

I also hope that if there was, for some reason, a need for your child to eat meat that you wouldn't let your diet get in the way of his needs.

Being a parents is about looking beyond yourself and your wants. You want to be natural and holistic and a vegitarian... and thats great. It might not be what is best for your child (not saying that it for sure wouldn't be, just putting the option out there).

 

Why would you want a kid? Anyway, that should be plenty of money for a kid. Houses are overrated.

 

thanx for the replies... it's good to feel positivity from people you don't even know...
ok so i will answer questions...
my boyfriend would love to have children, he practically raised his little brothers. they only thing that holds him back is the money situation. he isnt happy with his curent job and feels that its not good enough to support a child. personaly i feel that he is a bit concerned about what my would think if we had a baby while he's working at blockbuster. he hasnt said that but i know him prety well... my dad is always talking to him about jobs and asking him when are you getting a promotion... this upsets me but i cant change my father...
my bf and i think totally diferently from both our families, i think we get along the most with mom because she's a little out there, she was a hippie after all.
so my bf does worry a lot about money, i am totally oposite in that sence (i do have my doubts ). he freaks out a bit when the rent is do. imagine when we have to pay for baby stuff.
but besides that i think he will do fine... he just has to be more carefree.

about the doctor issue... i would do anything for the well being of my child and would never put my beliefs higher than his health...
i do a lot of reading so believe me i am well informed on vegan child health and all the nutrition they need... i rather not get in to the vegi issue.
i'm all natural and had to go to the hospital a few months ago because a had a bad virus and fever that wouldnt go down. i didnt want to and it took my bf a while to make me go, but i didnt have a choice... i wouldnt think twice if it was my child... so that wont be a problem... i have faith that my baby will be as healthy as we are... but i would eat a cow it i had to save his life

so anyway i really apreciate your support... when i get out of work i'm going straight to my bf to share all of yours opinion. it even makes sentimental.

i'd be happy to share any other detail you would like to know about my situation.
i will keep you posted on how my bf reacts.

peace!

 

Yeah....just a reminder, failing to vaccinate your child is a violation of the law. You sound like an extremely caring person though, so I know you'd take good care of your baby.

It would be difficult to have a child under those circumstances, but it always is, no matter who you are or what your situation! If you and your boyfriend aren't married, though, you have to be sure to have some kind of security in case you fall through. I don't think you will, but unexpected things happen I suppose. Not nice to think about. But I think you'll do fine. All you need is love, right?

 

850 a month is more then what we have left over. That's awesome! If I were you, I'd start trying to concieve all while saving for a down payment on a house. By the time your tot wants to get out and play several times a day, you may have a house by then.

BTW, it is NOT a violation of the law to not vax your kids. DO your research, there's likely some vaxes that you will choose to delay or not get at all.

You sound like your going to be a fantastic mama! Keep up the free thinking and keep reading, there's great book on all subjects of child rearing.

While you're PG, spend some of that money on cloth dipes. They can be a big investment to buy all at once but if you buy 5 or so a month, it doesn't seem that bad and it'll save you a TON of cash. Also breastfeeding will too

Peace

 

YES, but there are exceptions, if that happens to be an issue for Silent. And just because someone chooses not to vaccinate or to selectively vaccinate doesn't mean they aren't "taking good care of their baby".

Not trying to be snippy or start a vax debate, it's just something that shouldn't be taken lightly. If you have concerns, do lots and lots and research!!!!

 

Yeah....what she said!!!!

I think we were typing at the same time!!!
Heh Heh....

 

Lol

 

That's strange, then. I had a nice couple for neighbors who got in trouble for failing to vaccinate their infant son. I don't know if they tried to call it child endangerment or neglect, or what....wasn't close enough to them to know each detail. But the fact remains that under legal coercion they did have him vaccinated eventually.

 

I saw a baby show on TV once that had a mother that didn't want to vaccinate her baby. She said that every doctor that she went to threatened to turn her in when she refused the shots. Long story short, she finally found a doctor that had the same values that she did and she wasn't forced to go against her beliefs. The whole family was vegan, so she had some family members that didn't agree with that, but the little girl was 2 " I think" at the time when the show was filmed and she could speak 3 different languages and she was perfectly healthy and happy.

You sound like you've thought everything out, so I say go for it. Money CAN be an issue sometimes with a baby, but you will always find ways to take care of them.

 

I am really glad she could speak 3 languages, and I am sure those 3 languages will provid effective protection from diphtheria, tetnus, hepititis, polio, whopping cough... :H

I didn't say that every child in the world should be vaccinated against everything. I am sure a lot of children could and do live perfectly happy lives without vaccinations... but I also know a lot of children in other parts of the world who are dying from perfectly preventable diseases that they never would have caught IF they had been vaccinated.

Vaccinations weren't really my point in the first place, they were just an example. Providing medical care was my point, which the OP got and replied to.

 

I'm not saying that I agree with not having your children vaccinated. I'm all for it. Both of my children have had all of their shots. I wouldn't do anything to endanger my children, or to prevent them from being healthy. I was just trying to give an example of someone that had done the same thing.

 

my question to anyone who wants a baby is: do you want a teenager? they grow up.

ROFLOL!!! Oh, where were you 10 years ago? Not that it would've helped, as DS was a "whoops!" But that is just too true. I'm wondering if I can join a convent now, quick before my son becomes a teen!
love,
mom

 

About the vaxes....I've researched to the ends of the earth. Often times it's more likely that your child will get sick from the shot of animal fetuses, fethers and mercury then actually contracting and geting sick from some of the diseases they vax for. Isn't it Hep B that can only be contracted by sex or IV drug use? Good thing they inject it into babies who are minutes old, I eman what if they were to get frisky in the nursery ya know?

Vaxes are way OT, but like anything else in child rearing, it deserves it's own research. Please don't do ANYTHING just because someone tells you too. Look it up, find out all the benifits and/or hazards before decided one way or another.

 

It sounds like you've thought of all the issues. Money can be a problem, but it seems that the more you have the more you need. If you learn to live simply you can do it. Cloth diapering and breastfeeding are definite money savers. Also find a doctor who will support your decisions. I was threatened by one doctor just because I wanted to take my son to a chiropractor. I quickly fired the doctor and found someone who agreed with me. They forget that you pay their salary. Because I did that it saved my son from a lot of unnecessary medical crap and we were able to effectively treat the allergies that were caused by the immunizations. We stopped immunizing and allowed his body to heal from the damage they did. He is now a happy healthy 3 year old with very few allergies. He hasn't had any immunizations since he was less than a year old and his doctor agrees with this decision. He probably won't have any more ever.

I say if your boyfriend is as ready to be a parent as you are go for it. If we waited until we had enough money to have a child, no one would ever have a child.

Kathi