I want to get back together!

Ok, for those who haven't read my 'I broke up with my bf' thread, the short story is: we've been in a serious relationship for 2 and a half years, I was inexperienced and I made some mistakes, became a crappy gf, and we broke up a month ago.

I wanted to get back together when I realized I was the problem (because I knew I could fix it), but he didn't really give me an answer. Because he didn't say 'no, it's definitely over', and because he still talks to me, I can't give up hope that we'll get back together. But it's been a difficult month because of that, I can't move on, but we're not making any obvious progress...

So yesterday I couldn't take all this uncertainty anymore, and I asked him if he still loves me or not. I told him to tell me if he didn't, so I can try to move on, because I'm clinging to the idea of 'us' when it's possible that he doesn't even love me anymore.

He didn't want to talk about it, since we broke up he refuses to talk about his feelings or anything related to our problems. But I insisted, and he said that he didn't think it was possible for him not to love me anymore.

So he still loves me! And yet he doesn't want to talk about our problems... I want to fix this mess. And I don't know how!!

 

What mistakes did you make? Seems there is something that he is having a hard time getting over!

 

I just became an awful girlfriend... I changed, I started having ridiculous expectations from him, so he 'had' to do stuff just so I wouldn't get mad... We fought a lot because of it. I always started the fights. I never ended them, just expected him to. . I was a complete bitch. And I didn't know it, I just thought he wasn't doing enough...

I was never like this before... It's not who I am, and since we broke up and I realized that I was the problem, I immediately started becoming myself again. It was a horrible realization, but I'm not like that anymore. I'm myself again. I just need to show him that... But I don't really know how if he doesn't give me a chance.

 

Maybe you're only yourself because you're not with him?

If he doesn't want to get back together, you just need to accept that. If you keep pushing, he's just going to assume you're acting as before and expecting him to do everything you say.

 

The thing is, he never said he didn't want to get back together. Even when we were breaking up, he said he thought we would end up together anyway... That's why I can't let this go.

I could accept that if it were the case. But he doesn't know, he said he would think about it, he said he couldn't give me an answer... That was 2-3 weeks ago... And he contacts me almost everyday.

And I don't think I'm myself again because I'm not with him, I think I'm myself again only because I realized how I had become. I may be wrong, but I want to try again

 

I see your point.
But I don't think it's true... If I has realized that I had changed, it would have been different, I think

 

A person cannot change in 2,3 weeks...As far as i know, anyway... either way, if u push, and he gives in and it is to soon for him to see your changes, or if he keeps holding a grudge, you will destroy every single chance you might have had at a future. And for what i've read regarding your post, he didn't say he sill loved you, did he? The best thing to do, is to really listen to the other person...that if u really want a chance... From my point of view, better a lifetime together after a 1yr breakup than a foolishly 1yr make-up for destroying the future.

 

I know what you mean by a person changing that fast, but that wasn't really me, I had never been that way before. So it's different, as soon as I realized, it stopped. I can't really explain any better, and I can understand if you don't believe me.

He did say he loved me, it wasn't in English, and I tried to translate as accurately as possible, he said sth like he didn't even think it was possible not to love me. If in English it isn't obvious that it meant he still loved me, in my language it was pretty clear.

And I understand what you mean by not forcing it, I don't want to force it. And I do want to listen to him. I want to know his reasons, or his doubts or whatever... But he won't talk about it. And I can't keep pretending to be his friend...
Thanks!

 

what do you mean by "And I can't keep pretending to be his friend"? And how do you want to show him that you have changed? what are you doing for that matter?

 

And do yourself a favor and dont dismiss peoples opinions that fast. Some of us may have a lot of experience regarding the matter, or even be trained for such. I am not saying i am, or the person above may be, but you my dear, for all you know are first timer serious relationship person which no relationship experience who is asking for a bit of help.

 

We text as friends, like 'hey, what's up?', without talking about any of our problems. And I've tried being ok with it, giving him space and everything, trying to create a nice vibe, but everytime we have a nice conversation I get my hopes up, and when there is no progress, I get really disappointed. We don't talk on the phone and we don't see each other, we just text.

And a few days ago, we talked on the phone for 45 minutes, and it was a great talk. I was really happy about it, again getting my hopes up (because we never talk on the phone), and then the next day nothing, not one text. (we usually text about once a day...)
And if you are wondering why I didn't text him, if I'm the one contacting him, he usually takes a step back...

And I can't show him that I have changed via SMS! I want to talk about our problems, tell him in what way I've changed and I want to show him that I've changed while being bf and gf. Taking things slowly, whatever. But in the current situation, I have no chance of showing him anything...

 

Oh no, I'm not dismissing anything! I value your opinion and accept that I don't have a lot of experience. Like you said, that's why I'm here asking for advice

 

Pip,there's an old but true saying;

"If you love something,let it go. If it comes back,it's yours forever-if it doesn't,it never was".

Painful as that sounds,it IS true. If he misses you the way you're missing him,he'll be back. Just give it time. He has wounds to lick and an ego to knock the dents out of.

Good luck,sweetness.

 

So, you are not showing a change at all, you are just telling him and asking him for more. You are waiting for him to make a step, while you dont do anything and hoping flying unicorns will fart rainbows. As above stated, he has wounds to lick, IF u want him, you have to DO smting, not to much so u scare him off but not to little. This is a major problem in couples lives, people talk the talk but dont do the walk...

 

Not to sound like I'm dismissing your opinion, but this time you are really wrong.
I'm not waiting for him to do sth! I've tried being the one who takes the first steps and that makes him take a step back! So it's counterproductive.
I wanted to go see him and he told me no. So I'm putting all my willpower into giving him space, since apparently it's what he needs.

I was thinking of going to talk to him anyway, but I don't want to be pushy.
So please, what do YOU suggest I do?

Edit:
You are not really giving me any advice, just criticizing.

 

Be the person he wants you to be, if you say its really you, and dont ask for nothing in return. He probably thinks you are the same person who dumped him and doesn't want to end up in the same dead-end relationship as before. So dont make him be in a relationship. you cannot make a person commit to something he doesn't know...I hope you can follow what i am saying...

 

Tell him you want to get back with him and work out your relationship because you still love him...see what he says..

 

Ok I get that. Thank you. It makes sense, ask for nothing in return, it's my turn to give anyway I guess.
So just continue texting like acquaintances? I guess that's what he wants..

 

I did that. Read my first posts, he said that he didn't know... That he can't give me an answer yet...

 

Well, you cant continually drag yourself through this, live you life, if he comes around, he comes around..if not, well, you tried and it is his loss..not to be mean, but you have done just about all you can do..sorry about not reading your first posts, I must of glanced over them at first