I wanna fuck my friend

Hello. This is my first post.

I'm a woman, married.

I have a friend I had not seen in a long time, like 10 years. He came to visit us last weekend, staying with us. While he was here, I asked my husband if we could have a threesome. He didn't want to. I asked why and he said it'd be awkward.

I didn't ask him if I could fuck my friend alone, no threesome, because I thought it would be like insisting and when he says no to these things, I prefer to just respect it and I don't insist.

I must confess, I'm a bit pissed. We have been to lifestyle clubs. He has gone alone, too. I have fucked other men with and without his presence. Nothing of it is a secret. I don't lie to my husband and I only fuck other men with his authorization. He isn't jealous and neither am I.

I've given him the green card to fuck whoever he wants, anytime he wants, without having to ask me beforehand. He didn't do the same, and I didn't ask, because I figure if he doesn't give me that without my asking, it is because he doesn't want to.

Therefore, I feel I have to ask. I never cheat on him: when I fuck other men, it is with his prior consent.

He isn't jealous of me and he wants to fuck other women.

So, why can't I fuck my friend? It would be safe sex, with a person we both know, a man who has always respected my husband. In my mind, if my husband wasn't so egoistic, he'd have told me that I could fuck my friend alone, without him. Because that is much safer than fucking strangers in a lifestyle club. And with that, he has no problems.

My husband is egoistic in bed. Last night, for instance, he fucked me, I didn't cum and he did. He just turned to the side to sleep. I feel frustrated. And he's boring in bed. I live with all of it, so, couldn't he be a bit less selfish and just let me fuck my friend?

Just for your information, it isn't that he's selfish when he's angry at me. He's never angry at me. I always satisfy him in bed, give him bjs anytime he wants them. I ask to give him bjs. And I always do my very best. I offer him to cum any place of my body he wants, in my mouth, whatever. I'm totally open to him and I start sex. I'm not like a dead doll in bed. I do things and I start things. But he's often egoistic. If I don't ask him to finish me off, he tries to just turn and sleep.

Now my friend is back to his country and I don't know when I'll see him again.

I'm frustrated. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I'm frustrated.

Sometimes, like now, I feel like ending our marriage. But I love him. And, more important, I know he needs me. He's introvert and has no friends. Nobody. If I leave him, he'll be alone. He's egoistic with me in a lot of things, not only sex, but I always forgive, because I think it is just that he doesn't realize. When I talk to him about the things he does, he apologizes, but then, he does them again.

Sometimes I wish to leave and give myself a chance to find a man who'd really care for me, take care of me.

Before anyone thinks it is about money, I make more money than my husband. And our house, which I've paid half for, I don't care. If it'd come to that, I'd leave him here and just go, he could keep the house and pay my half of it whenever he wanted.

I'm with him, because I care for him.

 

Why can't you fuck your friend? I think your husband already answered that for you: "it'd be awkward". If you need it explained more you're asking the wrong people.

 

Yeah, but one of the things that nags at me is that he'd rather have both of us fucking strangers, with all the risks that involves, instead of fucking our friends, people who we know and can trust.

That's where the egoism hurts me. I'd like to fuck people I know and feel safe about it. Feeling a little awkward seems like no big deal when one considers how much safer it is.

 

You mean with people you already have established relationships with that may or may not be strong enough to handle becoming sexual? There are risks there too. Regardless, its your husband you should be asking.

 

Oh yeah I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something
I wanna fuck my friend

I wanna fuck my friend
I wanna fuck my friend

 

I think that if my boyfriend and I were to have an open relationship, I would feel more comfortable with strangers. Strangers have no strings attached, no icky emotions to get in the way.

Your husband already knows you care about this guy as a friend. Maybe he fears if you sleep with him those feelings will deepen past friendship.

I would let it go and just respect his decision. It seems like there are bigger issues making you unhappy in your relationship and maybe you should work those out first.

 

When you've been with somebody you care about and you don't wanna hurt him, when you feel bad about something, you try to vent that somewhere else, lest not hurt your partner.

That's what I'm doing. You may not sympathize with my situation and that's totally OK. Super OK and legitimate.

But I'm venting here. Venting a genuine feeling. I wish I had already forgotten it, but I haven't. So, I looked for a way to talk about it and cool my mind, let it go. When something hurts, you better find ways to let it fade. Because if you act immediately, you may say things in the heat of the moment, things that you'll hurt somebody else.

That's what I do. If I know something has the potential to hurt, I'll try to sort it out in my mind on my own, before nagging about it to my husband. Right now, it's only hurting me. If I talk to him about it, it has the potential to hurt him, too.

And that's how we've never had an argument in 17 years of marriage.

 

At the risk of showing you just how ignorant I am, I must confess I didn't get it.

 

I understand that. The thing is, you're not just venting. You're asking for input and advice (about more than just why you can't fuck your friend). I am sorry if I am coming off as harsh here.

Is your main issue not being able to fuck your friend? Or is it that you aren't getting fucked right by your husband? Or is it that you want to leave him, but at the same time don't want to leave him?

It sounds to me that, in order to avoid arguments, you're suppressing your feelings for him. He is your husband. You should be able to talk to him about anything, good or bad.

 

Strangers are potentially dangerous. Even if you take a lot of precautions, having sex with a strangers put you more at risk of contracting a STD, for instance. Condoms may break. It isn't unheard of.

And I did respect his decision. I didn't fuck my friend. But our minds don't always do what we want them to. At least, mine doesn't. I wish I had completely forgotten about it, but it is in my mind. Not fucking my friend, mind you, but the fact that my husband prefers to see me fucking strangers than a person we both know.

About other issues that hurt my marriage, I'll keep accepting the things that hurt me for as long as I can. So that if I leave, and the day I leave, I have a clean conscience I've given all I could to make this work. We do talk about the things that he does that hurt me. Like I said, he apologizes, but in a few days, it is all forgotten and he does it again. On his side, he says he has no complains and all is good.

 

I was in an open marriage in the Haight for 25+ years and our rule of thumb was that we did not sleep with complete strangers only with folks we both knew and were comfy with and in almost cases folks who had been known in the community for at least a year. More to the point we tried to never need to ask on a verbal level...

 

sounds like you want to end your marriage.

 

I talk to him. But only after letting it fade, so that I can be cool and keep from letting an adult discussion become an argument. I hate arguments and I won't have them in my home. I wanna live in peace.

He acknowledges his behavior and admits it is hurtful to me. Then he apologizes. And I can see suffering in his eyes. And I let it go, because I think he's just unable to put himself in somebody else's shoes. He isn't very empathic. He isn't a bad person. He's just very, very, very, very egoistic.

The few times I've told him it was hurting me a lot and sometimes the idea of divorce was entertained, he was beyond despair.

I can't bear to be the cause of his distress.

So, he hurts me again. And again. And I cry on my side and swallow it up, because I know talking too much about it will only hurt him. He already knows about all the things that hurt me. I think if he could change, he would have already changed. He just can't, I suppose.

So, it is up to me to bear it.

 

That's no way to live. You avoid conflict even when, IMO, conflict is warranted. Don't want to argue? Then I don't think he'll ever really understand just how bad the situation is.

 

I wish we could do the same. He agreed with me fucking strangers in lifestyle clubs isn't the safest thing to do.

But when I try to get us partners in the people I'm 100% sure we can trust, he comes with this "awkward" excuse.

And I wish I didn't have to ask. He doesn't have to ask. He can do it with anyone he pleases, even in our bed. I went as far as telling him if he brings a woman/man home and wants to fuck her/him without my presence in our bed, I'll give them space and go somewhere else. I'm totally comfortable with that.

 

I think I do. But I've always felt responsible for people. Now, I feel responsible for him.

It isn't a sacrifice to be married to him. I love him. I really do. But the things he does add up and make me wish I'd be somewhere else.

One of the big things is sex. I go out of my way to please him. And it is genuine. I feel great pleasure to know I'm pleasuring him. But I also need some release. So many times, after he cums, I go to sleep with an agony in my body, because I was just about to cum, but he climaxed first and stopped all stimulation... that is killing me.

I've already talked to him many times about it. He says after he cums, he loses interest. And that is that.

 

I think we don't need to argue to make a point. I've told him in very clear terms how I feel. Very clear terms. I've told him about sexual frustration, I've told him about feeling lonely, not desired. I've told him my frustration is growing with the years and that some time ago, I've started to consider divorce.

I've told him I feel my resilience isn't endless.

He listens. We talk. I ask about his own frustrations. He never has any. And he tells me he'll change the things that are hurting me. But he doesn't.

And it goes on as before conversation.

 

For some reason he isn't taking you, or your concerns, seriously though. You're not getting through to him. The way you've been going about conveying your concerns is obviously not working. The way I see it, you have three choices:

1. Change your tactics. Get pissed. Argue.
2. Leave him. Follow through on what you've said.
3. Keep going as you are. Keep being unhappy and grow to resent him.

 

I think what you say makes a lot of sense. But my husband's reactions are only about things that would happen in a short time frame. He's not the kind of person that would think "what if she falls in love with him, what if the sex is better with him than with me" and things like that.

When he says it is awkward, it is only about the immediate idea, the idea of stripping himself in front of a man he knows.

And he's totally unable of putting himself in my shoes and imagine that I could fall in love with another man. He only ever sees his feelings and things pertaining to himself. He is the 0 empathy man.

 

My wife would often arrange something/someone to keep me busy while she tried a new lover. Once she 'loaned' me out to four of her girlfriends as a party favor...lol. She was a blues singer and former roommate of Janis and we met at one of her after the gig take the band's pick of the groupies and party orgies. We remain friends to this day.

 

A few times, I've thought of leaving for the night, have him go through the loss. The idea behind being that he'd actually realize it can hurt a lot and that he really has to act IF he wants to prevent it from being permanent.

But then I think that just having these ideas is manipulative from my side and I feel guilty and dirty for entertaining such thoughts of a cruel nature towards the man I'm supposed to protect.

So, for the moment, I'm doing 3.