I think that my life is over.

I am really depressed with my life. I screwed up in college a few years ago. Because I am diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and thyroid cancer, it was extremely difficult for me to take 12 or 15 credits each semester and get good grades in all of my courses. I never partied, but I had stress and time management issues which prevented me from doing well in school. Now, I am 27 years old. I recently went back to school part-time to finish my Bachelor's degree and I am getting straight As. I am majoring in Anthropology and minoring in Biology. I am interested in various topics including biological anthropology, osteology, population genetics, forensic anthropology, neuroscience, psycholinguistics, developmental and social psychology, animal behavior, primate evolution and anatomy, prehistoric archaeology, ancient history, cultural anthropology, tribal art, sustainability, renewable energy, environmental issues such as deforestation and climate change, public health, and behavioral economics. I have strong blogging skills and I am proficient in PowerPoint and Excel. My GPA is only a 2.54 overall and a 3.1 in my major. Unfortunately, it is too late for me to raise my awful GPA because I am an upper senior with 108 credits. I am planning to graduate from college in the spring of 2014 or fall of 2014 at the latest. I feel like I want to kill myself. I think that graduating with a 2.5 or 2.6 GPA is the end of the world. I will never get a job or get into a Master's program. Employers will judge me by my horrible academic transcript and won't even give me a chance to prove myself. Also, most jobs in the Anthropology field require at least a Master's degree and I will never get into graduate school with a 2.54. I live in New York. I am dreaming about working for the Museum of Natural History, the National Museum of the American Indian, a primate conservation center, a nonprofit organization dealing with environmental health and sustainability, or becoming a professional travel blogger. I am pretty sure that my mediocre undergrad GPA is going to stop me from achieving any of those goals. I don't want to be confined to flipping burgers or cleaning toilets. My low GPA will haunt me until I die. I will never become a productive member of society. How could I kill myself without being hurt? I am thinking about committing suicide by jumping off a cliff, jumping off the bridge, getting hit by a car, drowning myself, poisoning myself, or cutting myself with a knife. I haven't slept in almost 2 weeks and I've been spending hours every night crying. I know I should have done better in school in the past, but unfortunately I can't travel back in time to fix my mistakes. I wish someone would invent a time machine. Then, I would have had a 4.0 overall GPA instead of a 2.5.

 

Darn, you seem bright enough to me.

If you really thought your life was over you would have no worries for your future. No one needs you to pick up their groceries in 3011 that I am aware of so take your time the future will come and try to find comfort right now.

 

Given what you have been through I rather think you will manage.

You may have to instead adjust your plans a little but that does not mean that there is only one path to a goal.

You will get there if you wish to. Find a way.

 

Honestly, I think most places just give a shit if you have a degree. Least you're doing a hell of a lot better than I am. Can't help you kill yourself, that's illegal. But it'd be fucking stupid and selfish as fuck.

 

Don't kill yourself. Adjust your dreams, maybe.

 

Don't worry there's plenty of people with degrees and jobs that they didn't want. It's the mmmerican pipe dream. Graduate highschool. Go to college. Get a degree and land your dream job. Then you wake up and remember it was all a dream and you bite your lip as you get dressed for your shitty 9-5 job that gets you by. Good thing for psychopharmacology. I sometimes wonder if my life would be better if some jackass in a white coat just fed me pills.

 

menagirl27 please talk to people on this forum please

 

When I was in college, I was really, REALLY grade obsessed. But guess what? It didn't matter that much in the end. I wound up setting up my own business, and I rarely even tell people I bothered with a degree.
Bill Gates and a zillion others didnt even graduate.

You have lots of justifications for your grades - illness and the Aspbergers.
Not that you even have to defend it.

I've seen lots of people dazzle academically then do not much at all in real life. And vice versa. Even when their career was directly related to their degree. Not trying to dramatise stuff, its just the way things are.

I don't know about your cancer, so I can't comment, other than to say hope you recover quickly, and to remember that many, many people become well again in rapid time.

As for your GPA, well maybe just try to finish your degree strongly. Brush up your study skills, speak to tutors. Can you get "special dispensation" re your illness etc?

And if you become a professional blogger, then I'd suspect your degree really wouldn't matter at all..

You're also getting straight As on your batchelors. That must mean a lot.

As for this killing yourself thing, I think you need to calm down, relax and rest a little. Healthy living, and speaking with people. Your tutors are paid to help with this sort of stuff. To fight your illness AND study doesn't show a weakness. It shows an impressive determination. PLUS you are getting A grades!!

You seem a bit out of balance with your assessment of yourself in some things! Good luck, look at the positives, rather than worrying about lots of different things. Be objective about the positives! Because there are lots there!

 

Hang in there, don't obsess about your grades but study on your own... Your interests are great, follow that, just adjust your dreams away from grades.

 

I've never been asked my gpa when applying for a job. All they have ever wanted is a copy of my degree. Don't sweat the small stuff, sweetness.

 

The biggest problem I see is labeling yourself as 'aspergers'.. I believe that kind of mentality is self limiting and you need to transcend the bullshit DSM-IV. My bachelor degree is in psychology, and that's how I feel. Sure people have problems, but an intelligent person should not let themselves be held back by labels.

As far as employers, they are not going to request your transcripts.. They just want to know that you could persevere and actually stick to something. Graduate school, well, study up and do really well on the GRE. And you can also work the angles you've described into applications, just remove the suicide and self pity aspects. Additionally, there is always a graduate school willing to take your money regardless of GPA.

 

Employers are going to look for experience more than anything else. You should try to get an internship or do some kind of volunteer work to develop on the job experience before you graduate.

Its pretty awesome that you're really ambitious, but ambition should be used as a motivator and a stepping stone. It shouldn't be something that completely ruins your quality of life.

You should also take a really deep breath and just try to breathe occasionally You seem really intense. I really recommend finding a way to relax and blow off steam on occasion. Start exercising and meditating, make time to hang out with friends. Relax!

 

you may want to visit www.suicideforum.com

you may also want to find a suicide hotline at www.befrienders.org

There's lots of people with either no BA or a low GPA that have found happiness, meaning, and success in their lives. There's lots of people with really high GPA's from prestigious schools who are miserable.

Your biggest problem right now is that you haven't been sleeping and you are feeling suicidal. You may want to talk to one of the hotlines or to a doctor. Your school may have some form of psychological counseling. You may want to look into that.

Once you get some rest, you may be able to look at this from a clearer perspective.

Some things to consider.

A) Work history means a lot more than a GPA. If you start work in an area related to what you want to do, you can work your way up.

B) It could turn out that even if you had a 4.0 and got an Anthro related job, you might discover that you hate it. Or get laid off. Having a low GPA could be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you could look into getting a job in another field. You might like that better. Talking to a career counselor makes a lot more sense than despairing.

C) Your life is a lot more important than a GPA or any job. Putting things into perspective might help a lot. Maybe you could make a list of things that you are grateful for in life. This has been proven to elevate people's moods. There's things out there to be thankful for that you are probably blocking out right now, so maybe let some of those positive ideas in and they could change your perspective.

hope that this helps and that things can get better soon!

Oh, after you get some rest, please do share something that you feel grateful for. I'll plan to log in tomorrow, so if you want to talk about this more, I'll probably be around.

 

You tried spamming this all over our forums. Why?

You didn't get enough answers when you posted this exactly, word for word, on this other site on Aug. 7th?

quoted from
http://forum.thegradcafe.com/topic/45610-should-i-end-my-life/

 

I think OP is hanging on by use of the input she is getting posting this all over the web. I just found this exact post on yet another site, posted 5 hours ago.

Here's the Autism and Asperger's help forum in case anyone else can use that help.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt239454.html

 

Note To Self, Never Try To Pull The Wool

Over Aerianne's Eyes, You Will Always Lose....



Cheers Glen.

 

You know, if the person just wants to chill and talk to people who will support her and tell her everything is okay, she should admit that and just stay on one site. Everyone seems willing enough.

 

A lot of threads like these seem like copy pasta.

There may have been someone who genuinely posted the original, but trolls will republish these around the web.

I like to post on these threads anyway.

 

yeah, I figure someone with the exact same problem may stumble upon this thread one day and find the advice they are looking for.

 

That's what one of the mods said so the thread was re-opened at their suggestion.