I think I'm cracking...

Discussion in 'Mental Health' started by hummblebee, May 27, 2006.

  1. hummblebee

    hummblebee hipstertist.

    I guess I've been overl stressed for months - we went from being on the road for an extended period, to renting a house and struggling to pay the bills, to a shared-living situation which turned VERY bad very fast, and now we're renting ANOTHER house, which we're scraping by with - but still don't really have the time & money to really settle in and feel "at home". My bf's been working full time really hard, with a long commute. He loves his job, but it really doesn't pay that well for how much work he puts into it. I have my glass studio still set up far from here, and the only way I can get to it anymore is to have him drop me off and leave me all day while he's at work. This gets really lonely, and I feel kinda trapped in it. On most days I stay home, and sew, or work on the website where we sell our art. Or rather, TRY to sell our art. We've had shit for sales lately, and that just adds to the frustration and money stress. I'm working ALL THE TIME, and I just feel worthless with it. I know my stuff's good, but it just seems to sit there. And since we can barely even juggle bills, and our time is so short, it's hard to spend the gas and time on really putting ourselves "out there" to TRY and sell things in public.

    Most of the time I manage to be blindly optimistic, but I feel like every day, every week, I'm cracking a little bit more. My health is suffering, I need to see a doctor, but we're uninsured and can't afford it. I've fallen into a serious funk and I just don't know what to do. A day-job isn't even really an option - I wouldn't have transpo to get anywhere.

    I don't know what I'm expecting to come of this post. Maybe I just want some sort of validation. Maybe I just need to vent. I'm just freaking out, and I don't know what to do. All I know is that if I keep it up like this, the luckiest break I could get would be to just drop dead from the ulcer I've probably given myself. Help me!
  2. enjoibaked

    enjoibaked Member

    If it makes you feel any better, you're not alone.
    I think I may be going crazy as well.
    With the slight HPPD I might have.
    I can't listen to "All Along the Watch Tower" with out shaking.
    But, something you need to remember is that it's always worse before it gets better.
  3. lalalamort

    lalalamort Fucked up upstairs

    i went through a long time of thinking I was about to "crack:" or "breakdown"

    I always went to bed and woke up andhte next day it seemed better.......
  4. hummblebee

    hummblebee hipstertist.

    Thank you all. I know things will improve, and I would honestly never even consider leaving my bf. He's the single most wonderful thing in my life - and I know how frustrating this situation is for him also. Hell, in ways it must be MORE frustrating for him, because he's working such long hours, driving so much to get out there, and in the end only making enough to pay for rent and the gas his commute is sucking up. And on top of all that, he hasn't had any time to work on his own sewing. It's just so frustrating. I feel like I'm forever just waiting for something right around the corner.

    ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, and speaking of "around the corner", in a couple more weeks he will be working much closer, and his bosses seem quite impressed with his work. They keep making veiled references to him "coming up in conversation" (Don't worry, it was nothing bad, wink wink) and "accidentally" referring to him as a supervisor.

    And today I was running errands while he slept (getting ready to switch to all-night shifts for a couple weeks!). I followed my heart and randomly decided to stop at a hip looking store. It turned out to be a new-age-ey sort of establishment, owned by a really lovely guy, who invited us to come out and vend very cheap and a (*very small*) local Midsummer fest. Even though it will be quite small, I think it'll be very good for us - we won't have to go far for it, 95% of the people there will be interested in our art, and it will be a good chance to do some local networking and such. Plus, I feel like my life could really benefit right now from the influence of spirituality and spiritual people.

    I'm trying to keep my thoughts positive, and manifest what I need. Thank you all for letting me vent and giving me such sound advice...

    I love my hipforums friends! Loves my friends! *sobs, melodramatically* :&

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