I think I was raped

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Autumnwildflower, Jan 2, 2005.

  1. On New Years eve me and 2 of my friends had a small get together. We all had a few drinks but I was the first one to fall asleep...I woke up and I found that the one guy that I thought was safe enough to invite over had his tounge down my throat and was having his way with my body. He kept saying he loved me but I was too drunk and to scared to do anything to stop it.... I kept felling back asleep hoping he'd stop. My best friend was in the room but she thought I was concious and enjoying it so at the time she was angry with me...I eventually forced myself to get out of the bed because I needed to throw up and brush my teeth. She took me into the other room and told me all this stuff that had been happening and although I knew something had happened I didn't realize it until she told me...I went back to bed and fell asleep and around 4am when he woke up and I hadn't it all happened all over again.
    I feel really wronged. and I'm aware there are many things that should have been done but I was scared and drunk and didn't want to believe it was happening to me. Now I'm stuck with having to talk to him and I don't know what to say, He was one of my best friends and I am terrified to say anything. At the same time I tried to patch up things with my best friend but I still feel bad and I want to do something to make everything ok again.

    I just wish I didn't drink...........
  2. TheLittleOne

    TheLittleOne Senior Member

    The exact same thing happened to a girl friend of mine. She got really drunk and i allowed her and a guy to crash in my room...they were going at it...and i thought she was awake and knew what was going on...clearly she wasn't because she filed a report against him and he got arrested...charges haven't been pressed yet...
    And she later told me that she was passed out and didn't know what was going on...
    You were raped..you were too incapacitated to consent to sex. What he did was wrong. Either talk to him, get counseling, get checked out (doctor) or report him. And handle your liquor.
  3. ForestNymphe

    ForestNymphe Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Sometimes I think alcohol and it's effects are perhaps the vilest of all substances. Pure reason goes right out the window. I am not judging you at for I know what it is to be blasted on booze and I know what it is to be raped.
    Please go get yourself checked out by a doctor. Immediately.
    I am keeping you in my thoughts with candles lit.
    Take care of yourself now, and worry about patching up relationships later.
  4. ArtLoveMusic

    ArtLoveMusic Senior Member

    See doctor and TALK TO HIM. he needs to know what he did was wrong.. dont accuse him but talk to him about it see if he even remembers. Alcohol had its hold on you it could well have had its hold on him too. You say he was one of your best friends, therefore you must have some form of good comunication. Alcohol lowers the inhibitions, lets out the emotions but over powers them too. it makes reality seem warped. Talk to him.
  5. If he was intoxicated, you should punish him some way or something like that, but if he was completely raping you, like taking advantage of you him being sober, you should punish him severely.
  6. superNova

    superNova Member

    baby go to the doctor, now. tell your parents. you were raped, and i'm so so sorry you had to go through that. if you need to talk you can always pm me.
  7. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    If you can't talk with your parents, call a rape crisis center. You were/are traumitized and the people there can help you. They will not require that you report this, they will help you whatever you choose to do.

    I would advise against speaking with him until you talk with a professional. Your job is to get yourself healthy. His problems are less important than yours.
  8. I appreciate every single one of you. I knew coming here I'd get kind people to talk to. I love each and every one of you. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to do. I guess I still don't want to believe it because I still want everything to be the same as it was.
  9. Ladylocks

    Ladylocks Banned

    You made a mistake and you have to pay for the consequences. Primarily, it's your own fault. You made a decision to get drunk, loose total control and look what happened. Similarly if a guy was drunk and drove his car and got hurt badly in an accident, who's fault is that? His friends for not looking out for him?

    You should know better than to rely on your friends.

    I know this is harsh, but it's reality.
  10. sugrmag

    sugrmag Uber Nerd

    Actually, no. She went to bed. She woke up with some guy on top of her. Getting drunk and going to sleep has never been an invitation for rape. It's comments like this that make people think it's okay to do it. She wasn't asking the guy for sex or coming on to him. SHE WENT TO BED. And this asshole raped her while she was ASLEEP. Whether she was drunk or not, she was unconscious.
  11. Ok...I have to disagree that this was her fault. It wouldn't matter if she was laying in bed, passed out, & naked...it still in no way justifies someone taking advantage of her.
    Honey, you were raped and you really need to go to the doctor and get checked out. If you need someone to talk to, I am here for you. I was raped when I was 12 and I can relate to what you must be feeling. Anytime you need me, I'm here for you.
  12. Myranya

    Myranya Slytherin Girl

    Definitely go see a doctor. I would also try to talk to the guy -I do not agree it was all 'your fault' but I'd say you were at least part of it, if indeed I understand correctly you didn't as much as say no a single time, or tried to turn away from him. I don't think it's right for any guy to *start* anything without *active* consent, however he probably was really drunk too, and I don't think it's right for him to bear the full consequenses of a rape charge if you were *both* so drunk you totally lost all sense of rationality. Can you find out from your best friend how drunk he was? Maybe talk to her first... If he wasn't *that* drunk, then I take back everything about sharing the blame, if he were still capable of realising you were passed out...
    And *stop drinking* so much! If it's just an occasional thing well you learned that lesson a hard way :(, and if you have an alcohol problem get help! This is just sooooooo messed up, and I'm sure it wouldn't have happened if both of you had just had a little less booze... :( :( :(
  13. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    Total Bullshit. Being intoxicated is NOT a free pass for anyone to do anything they want with your body when you are unable to protect yourself. It is NOT her fault she was raped!

    Honey, ForestNymphe. Please see a doctor, if you have bathed, there may or may not be any physical evidence of the rape, but there may be, and they can get you emergency contraception. If it was within 72 hours the morning after pill (a regular birth control pill taken in a way to prevent conception) can be given.

    Please see someone at a Rape Crisis Center. The hosptial will be able to refer you.

    Don't let this go. If he did this to you he is a rapist and will do it to other womyn. You probably weren't his first victim.

    I am so sorry you were attacked. My blessings are with you, Please get help so you can heal, and maybe even file charges against the rapist who attacked you.

    NO MEANS NO. It doesn't matter what state the womyn is in.

    Blessings and love,

  14. Maggie Sugar

    Maggie Sugar Senior Member

    I disagree. GOOD men don't RAPE womyn, even when they are drunk. Only rapists do. A womyn may not be able to defend herself while drunk but this is NOT license for anyone to use her body in any way they want. ACTIVELY raping someone who CANNOT GIVE CONCENT, or who has said NO in language or any other way is a RAPE. A drunk man needs to bear JUST as much responsiblity as a sober one.

    If a man cannot control himself while he is drunk, than he needs to commit himself to a hospital or a prison. Being a drunk womyn and not being able to defend oneself is NOT the same as being an active rapist. This young man could do with a stint in jail. If he rapes when he is drunk, he probably does when he is sober, too. Rape isn't something most rapists "just do once." He's a criminal and should be treated as one. Getting drunk is NOT a crime, commiting a crime while drunk IS one.
  15. Kiz

    Kiz Member

    If she was really raped, why did she just go back to bed in the same room without even locking the door? It sounds a bit like the guy was drunk too and thought he had consent. If you don't want people to take advantage of you don't get so drunk you can't control your actions.

    I don't think the guy should be jailed because some young girl gets so plastered she can't remember what she said or did, then feels bad about it and cries rape. C'mon guys, let's show some common sense.
  16. Kiz

    Kiz Member

    And to the last poster, why does a drunk man have resoponsibility over his actions but a drunk woman doesn't?
  17. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    Go see a doctor and make sure you aren't pregnant or have any diseases or anything.
    While what he did is COMPLETELY unacceptable, I have a hard time using the word "rape" in this situation. Do you remember saying no or insinuating that you were not enjoying it? You were most certainly taken advantage of, no doubt about that. Take care of your mind and body first. But if you plan to press charges (and you have every right to) make sure you did something to tell him to stop. Even a drunk shake of the head is a no- and no means no. i just say so because rape is a serious charge and I'm not sure if you were too drunk to do anything, or you were too drunk to use wise judgement. This is NOT your fault, but I would suggest not putting yourself in situations where this can happen. If you're going to get completely wasted, do it around people who respect you, because there are a lot of evil twisted folks out there jusr waiting to take advantage of drunk women.

    I agree with Kiz, although I'm not sure on the details and correct me if I'm wrong, It sounds like he was drunk and thought it was ok because you were so drunk you either didn't bother to say no or physically couldn't. I wouldn't call him a rapist if that is the situation but he is a disrepectful pig and shame on him.

    I hope you are ok.
  18. Sera Michele

    Sera Michele Senior Member

    The drunk woman wasn't doing anything but trying to sleep. It isn't a crime to be drunk, but it is a crime to rape a person. Being drunk wasn't what anyone was doing wrong.

    Yes, women have to be careful to protect themselves from these unwanted situations, but it is never a womans fault when a man forces himself on her. No matter how short her skirt was, how many people she slept with in the past, how much she flirts, or how drunk she was. I don't know how being passed out in a bed is any form of consent, and if the man was too drunk to figure that out then he needs to get help controlling his sexual appitite before he hurts more women. It isn't the womans fault because she couldn't protect herself well enough from the fucked up men out there.

    Let me ask you this, if a man was passed out drunk in a bed and someone came up and shot him in the head would it not be murder just because he was drunk and didn't protect himself? He didn't ask to be killed, or expect to be killed. Maybe he could have been more careful, but that still doesn't mean that it wasn't murder. It is just the same for rape.
  19. roly

    roly Senior Member

    I feel so sad for you...same goes for me...if u need a chat PM me or email me.
  20. superNova

    superNova Member

    to anyone in here who said "it's not rape, it's her fault" - you make me sick. absolutely sick. wait until something like that happens to you or someone you love, and THEN you tell me it's the girl's fault she was raped.


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