i think i might be falling in love with this girl i just met

The one night manager lady let's call her J she has teased that we like each other and I think she knows a bit more than she lets on. When K left this afternoon she turned and waved at me (she always does if she doesn't directly come up to me) so J yelled "bye K". K just looked back confused as said bye back. J turns to me and says "she only does that because of you". I say "I know" because what else do I say? J pretty much told me that K loves me (or likes me ALOT). I realized about 10 maybe 15 minutes before she left she was talking to me and completely ignoring "the hot guy" vendor who comes in. When she was talking to me she was not happy about the day because even though we were both at work for 7 1/2 hrs together she barely got to talk to me and neither of our breaks crossed. I was really missing the fun of talking to her too. She is training this kid for her department and she has been upset since Thursday when the schedule came out. She is like "it makes no sense this guy needs completely trained while you don't even work in the department and you know most things". Yesterday afternoon and again this afternoon she goes something along the lines of "it should be you" (working with her). So after she left the owner wanted me to go over there and the kid tells me how much he hates it over here and all I can do is smile. Anyways I got to work about 20 minutes early yesterday as I got Starbucks but I was coming in at 230 and she left at 2pm ( and I got in and out ). As I walk in I sit on the bench to sip my drink and I hear this sweet little voice yell my name. Like a puppy dog I run to her. So I have 4 shots of espresso and the high of seeing K and actually having a 20 minute convo not just a passing thing. The thing it does most for me is she puts me in such a good mood. That is unless someone messes with her then I get super defensive like on Memorial Day when minion shit all over her in front of HR and myself and I defended her over and over and minion got more and more pissed off about it.

 

so when i walked away from her on saturday afternoon we had an awkward goodbye. i know it was because while we were outside at work she had gotten off and i hadnt started yet. there was no worry about someone trying to get our attention away from each other. i was like well "i got to go in" (in depressed tone) and she goes "well...ok i will see you tomorrow" then i go "ok have a nice day" and she giggles then i go "i might stop and get coffee i might not you never know". we both awkwardly say in unison "bye" as i walked away i can feel her watch me and as soon as i turn the corner to go inside she pulls away instead of the usual playing on her phone. of course i brought her coffee on sunday. however monday was when the fun happened. unlike sunday when i started at 630 to her 6am this day i wasnt in until 830. i walked to the back and headed over to her dept because of course i brought her a drink and i knew i wouldnt see her again until fri. thing is one of the ladies was talking to her and i had committed enough to walking this far i had to go through with it. i come through the double doors and i said i got you this and the other lady goes "he treats you so good" and she quietly said something i couldnt completely make out. keep in mind this is the same woman i walked up to her telling how she felt "so tight" and "like a virgin" because it's been a long time after her rape and then her accident. i mean she told me the whole story and a tad more too. i talked briefly to them two and i went back through the double doors and she came through them and thanked me again for the drink. also sat, sun and monday she has been pulling for me to go over HR's head and ask the senior MGR about me moving over with her (and not just helping). i mentioned to him a few times but he was thinking i was just talking about the current day. i told him that you need help over there and i have worked with K so i know "the right way" to do a decent bit of the job. i also helped out last night fixing everything up (for the morning over there) after she ordered and i put her over hard saying look how we have/had enough of everything and unlike when the head of the dept (she is now #2) orders we almost always have issues. i did so without saying his or her name but knowing she did it and that she confided in me and i told her i always got her back. i wrote her out a message last night filling her in on stuff telling her how great she did and how i knew she would be great and then other random things too. i also added i talked with the senior mgr and i got a message saying basically they probably are waiting on putting me over there until they get more help in my dept. i havent seen her since 2pm monday and i really miss seeing her/talking to her and i still have 2 more days

 

short and sweet girl came into work today and dyed her hair red and she just looks so damn pretty. not that she doesnt look good everyday but the red really plays off her pretty eyes and light skin. she went out wit her bestie who she works with and when she dropped her off she came in to use the bathroom and just happened to come up to me (well out of her way) on her way out and goes "see you tomorrow" all cute and flirty.

 

i am near my wit's end.

1) last week they moved this kid over to her dept out of nowhere and this guy is an early 20's kid and is a player and he only worked there last week and then sunday & monday before leaving. he is spitting game at K and frankly it makes me sick. had HR moved me to fill in weeks ago this would not be an issue. problem is K is super cute and strikingly beautiful. even the top manager who is older than me googles at her. i don't care if i was 12 years old or 62 i would be attracted to her. it was never just physical though. this little guy is now coming back in 3 weeks. really bad vibes from this guy. my gut instinct has literally never been wrong and i kick myself for the times i haven't followed it.

2) my work puts me in her dept all the time to help but they wont schedule me there. with her being promoted and several spots open the guy who fills in and helps all the time is not good enough and it is always some kind of bullshit excuse. i was wanting to go there to be her "meat shield". when i say "meat shield" think of the show survivor the big physical threats and how they target them first. i feel like a lot of the ppl there are hoping she fails. that is why i go over and try to help her out in any way even if she already left. if the owner or manager tell me i am doing well over there i say its because i followed the way K showed me. the thing is she doesnt need me helping her she is amazing without me. i just know i would never intentionally do anything to hurt her or sabotage her. back to the schedule it just frustrates me more with each passing day.

3) saturday the news of another new guy over there. i was already very upset from what transpired friday at work and thursday with the aforementioned schedule. i already was ready to walk out on friday and the only reason i didnt is i want to see K again. i went to the back and vented that "maybe i need to find another job" in front of K. she says something like "don't leave me" when i come back little later. i tell her i am not going to go, at least not yet. yesterday we worked together well work at the same time for a second. she did come back in close to close and it was a breath of fresh air seeing her even moreso in her everyday clothes.

4) today i woke up and just felt miserable. the only thing that can cheer me up is doing something nice for K or just seeing her happy. i know makes me an f'n scumbag i am married. only reason i havent given her my phone #. why am i always thinking about K? why am i wanting to do anything to make her feel better? i think maybe sometimes i feel taken for granted. i mean i went out in a middle of a pandemic and started busting my ass working and i get attitude when i work long days and overtime. i know its stressful for everyone so i really shouldnt hold it against her. also my wife is jealous as hell and if she knew i even bought K a single coffee drink she would make me quit my job. i got heat at a previous job when a young girl manager called me once completely work related. thing is i never went over here to cf thinking let me find this adorable 23 year old and fall for her. my intentions were to be her friend and introduce her to my brother who is close to her age. my brother is too introverted he wouldn't come out of his bedroom for our families belated Christmas. once i realized i was falling for her i just decided that i would be the best friend to her i could be. it led to me praying for her health. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. and i still do it. it led to me getting real emotional because her story has a lot of parallels to mine. i know i get real defensive of her and i am getting worse at hiding it.

5) today continued i picked up myself some breakfast on my way to work and i grabbed her what i thought she would like. she seemed happy to get it. i should be happy but i am still feeling off. right before my first break just before 11am i am feeling really upset. like i want to cry, i want to yell and part of me just wants to walk away from everything. i go sit in the breakroom and K's bestie is there and i took off my mask and she looks at me says hi or how are you doing? i honestly dont remember i was just in a bad place mentally listening to this song on my phone (quietly). i just sit here and within 2 minutes K comes around the corner and says "you look stressed. i'll be back to talk about it" meanwhile someone else came into the break room and even if she came back we couldnt talk. well we briefly talk on the floor i say some of my issues. i happen to go on my 2nd break as she leaves so i walk out from the back with her and we talk. i begin to drop a lot of info including stuff no one knows about my relationship and something i havent even posted on here. then her boss calls her. i was contemplating telling her that the thing that is really bothering me. i don't even know where i would begin.

6) also she told me yesterday she finally got an apartment and i am so happy for her as she has had a lot of trouble living with her stepdad. i do worry though. 1 her health ~ she gets dizzy and can faint (low blood sugar) as well as other things 2 being alone ~ being a victim of sexual assault and being easy prey and i swear that if one of her exes does something like that i will scatter their ashes 3 her back - i know its her health again but if she cant work anymore i would hate to see her have to grovel back home to her stepdad again.

i have had several crushes and i am married and i have never felt the unconditional just i want to do anything to help her, protect her, make her happy/feel good about herself. no one deserves the shit she has gone through and has to suffer through everyday.

 

so last night while my wife slept i copied this last post and printed it up put it in a envelope to give to K. i chickened out. i get really mixed signals with K. sometimes i feel like she is really vibing me and then she tells me about this "hot guy". i think i need to tell her everything. i am afraid of losing her altogether. i dont think i could handle her not wanting to be my friend or even talking to me.

i was in a funk for 8+ years before i met K. really ever since summer/fall of 2011 to be honest so 9 ish years. i couldn't keep my weight off, got myself in debt, in a relationship that i love the person i am with but there is like completely platonic and it has been for years. i was mentally miserable i was watching my life flash by and not recognizing myself. i have lost about 50 lbs since i began working there, i feel healthier, feel more alive then i have in so long yet i feel like with one misstep it could all end tomorrow. i fear so much of following my dad's footsteps cheating on/leaving his wife (my mom). i have to realize that situations are different. my heart is breaking everyday over it. i come back to the same scenario no matter what it is always K.

 

monday we work together the whole day in her dept. granted it is the only day this week but it is the first time i have been officially put in her dept schedule wise.

she was so stressed this afternoon when i came in and when i told her i got her a coffee she was so happy and grateful. i wont see her again until sunday.

 

so i worked with her yesterday and helped her out but today we worked together in her dept. let me just say i think the girl is the cutest thing i have ever seen but seeing her in action and in charge doing so good was the sexiest damn thing. she had her moments of self doubt and i reassured her that she was right and dont doubt herself. poor girl is working all 7 days 8 hours and today her 2nd day of the work week she skipped her 2nd break. she is like i have to get this done and i said if you aren't taking a second break neither am i. it is too bad i am not over there anymore this week. it really sucks she could use me and i am always willing to help her but they have her running a skeleton crew and i will be stuck standing around watching her struggle. its bullshit.

 

i dont know what to do anymore. so one of the managers came up to me during my shift with k. he asked when am i filing my transfer to work over with her. i said how would i go about it? i saw him the next day (last tues) during one of my breaks and ask him how would i go about moving over there? he goes "it won't matter" and i ask why. he follows with "it has been vetoed by hr. and i told her how good you are over there, how K feels comfortable with you over there (considering she is the assistant mgr there and will likely be manager very soon) and how he (me) likes it over there too". hr proceeds to veto it and says something along the lines of no, never he is too valuable where he is. meanwhile last weeks schedule comes out and i get there 15 minutes after hr left. our schedule comes out in departments and usually i am on multiple parts. it shows that i have 5 days and 36 hours which i start to get pissed off. then i realize that instead of listing off one of the days it has me listed in K's dept i look at the other department and i am not scheduled there at all but it has me also listed in K's dept. i get to K's dept and i see the schedule am i am not on it but there is a lot of pen or pencil scratches on it which means someone messed with it and someone else was written in but they were coming in too late for it to be my schedule. so i message hr and she writes me back "you are not in K's department next week". i am fucking seething because i was clearly scheduled and this woman who claims she is my friend (i dont consider her that but) is first cutting my hours, secondly keeping me away from moving to a department with the drama nd bullshit of her best friend and a few other mercenaries she has brought in. i am too valuable to leave to another dept but now suddenly after months of getting 40 or more hours i can't even get that. she then has the gall to put me over there the next day after K leaves. as i told everyone who would listen and some who wouldnt that K was going to have nobody to help her weds when i was originally scheduled. i said this from thursday afternoon on. i was told "i don't know what i am talking about and don't really understand things". then explain to me why at 7 am weds with me asleep on my day off the owner requested that i be called in to work directly with K. i was right yet again but i am pissed because i didn't wake up until about noon. so i sit on my day off pissed i didn't get the hours i knew i was originally scheduled for, i was pissed because K was being screwed, and i was pissed that somehow hr and her minion are somehow getting their way and everyone else is getting fucked. then hr had the audacity to tell K that "she is still just learning" after she singlehandedly ran the entire department last week without a hitch and made her feel like shit. so you sabotage her by not having me with her just because your ugly ass best friend whispers in your ear everyday how she doesn't like us together. it is not like minion is trying to keep us apart because she is looking out for my wife as she has never met her other than maybe 12+ years ago she waited on us at a sports bar before i knew who she was (and none of us liked her fake ass then either).

after we worked together last monday in the same department we haven't been scheduled together much like literally last week and this week have been torture. i was feeling really down because the next day i worked with her but not directly but then we were not scheduled at even the same time for the rest of last week and most of this week. i was really missing her and really to the point that i knew i wouldnt see her for awhile so last sunday i wrote out a letter just telling her how great i think she is. she came in tuesday as i left so i went back in because i hadnt seen her in 4 days at this point and i was kind of nervous about the letter plus i just wanted to see her. i am not a stalker so i went in bought something and talked to my other friend for a few minutes but i didn't see her so i left. next day weds was pretty much covered above. thursday i got sent over there by the owner and senior mgr and i tried saying hi to her and everything and she was really short/off with me. so now i am like i went too far with this note or i should have told her this stuff in person even though much of it i already i have said at one time or another. well after a bit when the dept mgr (she is assistant) was being really mean to her in front of customers too. so friday i worked at 630 to her 6 so i got her coffee. when i came in yesterday she thanked me and said please just put it in the fridge because dave (his name) got an attitude about it. later she said dont worry about him. anyways she got off at 2 and me at 230 but somehow she waited until 227 and came back in from her car. as i get in car hoping she comes out i hear her sweet voice call my name. i turn around and we talked. first thing she tells me is how she is going home and is going to be "all alone" so she wanted to try out this recipe. i so wanted to be like i can come over but i knew my wife was going to be up any minute and would start messaging me like crazy. if she had her apartment already i think i would have but being she still lives with her mom and stepdad. then she started talking about that kid they put in her dept about a month ago the little guy who is a player and how he is coming back tomorrow but not her dept. our talk ended going about an hour and 40 minutes and i got a really bad sunburn. we talked about a lot i told her like her i am really depressed and she is like things will get better which is odd because i am not used to anyone actually really listening to me. i even told her how my wife has told me before that she brings me down. i mentioned how she hasn't worked in some time and i am the only one doing so and it stresses me out. there is even more to it. i feel like there were times were both of us were hinting at things. like i tell her if a guy wants you he will talk to you or find way to talk as we are talking for over an hour. like how i really felt like she was inadvertently asking me to come over to her house at the beginning of the convo and i feel really stupid not being like you make dinner and i will be your taste tester and see where things go.

on top of this my other friend lets call her J said that well if anything happens with your wife you know you would have someone in K. i think she knows more than she lets on. plus this young "slower" kid who works here ask me is the girl with red hair your girlfriend? and i said what? and he said the girl who drives the red car is that your girlfriend? i say no we are just friends and he said you guys look like a couple. i told him last week when he asked me if i am seeing someone i said yes and he was talking about how pretty women come in here and work here. i told him there is this one girl and she isn't here right now but if she asked me to be with her i would run away with her and no one would ever see me again. he goes next time she is here you have to let me know because i want to see how pretty she is. i tell him if i see her again i will and yes K is that cute. then he asked me in front of J too bout K being my gf.

 

so i went into work yesterday and from our nearly 2 hour conversation the day before) i got really bad sunburn on my face, neck and ear. one of the older ladies told me that K got sun too.her cute little face got burnt pretty good. literally a dozen people at work asked about us. i saw her only for a minute but she looked at me so embarrassed and so cutely smiled at me. we didnt really get to talk too much but i felt really good about things. i all of the sudden got the overwhelming feeling that her and i will end up together and i felt a relief about it. i dont know why but today i have been bickering with my wife about our finances and i kept thinking about with K how things would be different. then we went to the store and i suddenly felt really sad like i kept starting to tear up as i looked at her. i dont know if it is guilt or if it is the thought in my mind that my current relationship is all but over. i even considered telling K tomorrow at work that i have fallen in love with her and i want to be with her. i know i am not going to do that well at least not yet. i just can't figure out if i am feeling guilty about my feelings for K or if it is the overwhelming feeling that my marriage may very well be over. i hate throwing away over a decade over this beautiful, young girl who may not even be up for what i want but i hve never in my life been so sure i want something as much as i want K.

 

Yawn

 

so weds we worked together and came in at the same time (6am). so i brought her in coffee and throughout the morning we kept talking. everything felt good even when one of the guys teased her about this guy she finds cute she shut it down and puled me aside. she told me i needed to ask the owner to be put in her dept after i told her they publicly posted the job. so i did and the owner is afraid to upset hr lady and said he will have to see what she wants to do. i go and tell K and she is upset. probably because i have been saying that if i can't get put over with her i am just going to quit. not just because i want to work with this beautiful girl who i am falling for more everyday but the drama upfront with hr, hr's bestie "minion" and the newer hire minion's cousin. well after 930 i didnt see her at all but i was hoping to talk to her as we left at 2. anyways this other woman walked out with her the same woman that K was talking to about her pussy being really tight and really wanting to "do something" but still scared because of the rape (and then K told me that whole story too). i was looking in my car for something and i started to make my way over and saw them scatter and the other woman let's call her ash said to K i have ways of finding things out and i just said be careful going home and K cutely waved but got in her car and scooted out. it was beginning to rain a bit.

so fast forward to yesterday i get to work 45 minutes (115) before she leaves and usually we run into each other and we talk. i took something back to her (145-150) and she took it but was real short to me (not mean just real short). granted she was with the mgr who got mad at her that i brought her coffee last week. then she was supposed to get off at but it gets to 230 and she comes around and leaves and usually she always turns around and waves all cute at me if not directly come up to me to talk but she just bolts out the door really fast never even looking in my direction. very unlike her. so few minutes later (close to 3pm) i am helping bring stuff in before a big storm comes in and catch ash outside and K gets brought up and she starts asking questions but then the downpour begins and i have to go in.

so we had a development yesterday and this whole section of K's dept needed cleaned because a customer was very upset (330-4pm) about it and complained to minion the previous day but she never passed it along to anyone. so she came back and this customer got into it hardcore with hr. problem is before i knew of the whole scenario hr told me to tell her friend how to do stuff in K's dept. I am like now hr is trying to spite me by having her friend work in my spot and thinks i am going to help her so i look t minion's cousin lets call her mac and i said i have no idea what she wants you to do and i walk away. then this woman who was bickering w/ hr lays into me about what is going on. she rants and raves about hr and i let her and she wants to speak to the owner since she cant believe hr is a real manager b/c she has never seen anyone so disrespectful in my life. i tell this lady to write out her complaint because if i just take her words hr will dismiss it. this lady wants me to give her the owner's number. so hr is getting ready to leave and i ask J, my friend who is the night mgr if she wants me to work on it and she says yes i go over there and start. i at one point ask J if she should message K about it to give her a heads up. J told me that hr already called up K and told her to come in early and take care of it. anyways the owner came in and was really afraid to make any real decisions. so J said even though he didnt give the OK for us to stay over she didn't feel it was OK to put it all on K and she knows that I would walk on fire to help K. so for about an hour J and myself went back and cleaned some and the whole conversation we had was talking about me and K. I didn't exactly tell J that I am falling for her and stuff but i talked about stuff and she said it is funny because it mirrors a situation she was in when she was 38 and this guy was 21 and she sees so many parallels but the guy ended up quitting. i told her that last saturday K began the conversation that she is home all alone and is going to make herself dinner. J told me K is "fishing" with me. I told her let's say we decide to get together it wouldn't be like let's date and i still go home to my wife. I would have to first divorce my wife or at least separate and then probably move in with her. i mean i am not leaving my wife to maybe date K. it would have to be definite but i would be more than willing. with her just getting an apartment and her being nervous about affording it and worried about her health issues and i always worry about her back too and her dizzy spells especially working mad hours and skipping breaks. on weds earlier in the morning she was complaining about her back hurting and i said i keep some pills on me and i gave her a "aleve" and i asked her later if she was feeling better and she said she was. opening up to J about this K stuff made me feel better but i didnt go all in.

 

so saturday i was coming in and as i was heading in K was heading out. she seemed really happy to see me. after the quick exit weds, the shortness thurs and me being off friday i was worried. we talked for about 10 minutes and at one point that ash girl came up and told us sorry to interrupt but tell the one guy his tire is flat. she then apologized one or 2 more times about interrupting "us" (she said it funny). we talk and i mentioned about that mess and i told her J and I went back and helped clean for about an hour off the clock because we knew you wouldn't get much help. I tell her I dont want to stand here and get you sunburnt again. she giggles and said i am peeling bad. we talk a little more and then she is like "i know you have to go in soon and i don't know when you work next week" (half flirty and half sad) so i go "ok well i will see you whenever next week and you have a nice day off (sunday is her only day off this week) sweetheart" and I turn and wave. i told J about it that night and she told me both K and ash are "fishing" to see if I am interested. J is a good friend but I haven't admitted to anyone how strong my feelings are for K but she went through a thing with a younger guy a few years ago and it was the same age difference. J even admitted she does some of the same things K does to me like come right about the same time he was getting off. J is married too and her situation is worse than mine and last night we talked again and that guy she used to talk with messaged her last night right as i was talking to her about K.

also K was being super cute and flirty to me on monday in the break room. i went back to the bathroom but mostly because i was hoping she was there and she was like are you on break? i said no just going to the bathroom and she was kinda like "aww". i came out and grabbed my nuts from my locker and i know she liked the chocolate covered espresso beans and the white chocolate chunks but i was out of the espresso so i was giving her white chocolate chunks but asked what nut did she like the best and she said in that macadamia nuts. so we are talking and i keep handing her 2 pieces of each the white chocolate chunk and the macadamia nut. she is starting to blush and it is really cute. she goes you are a doll and i said you are a doll. she said then you are a doll and a half. i say if i am a doll and a half you are a doll and 3/4. she said you are a doll and 9/10. and we continued for a minute and i was like i better get back up front and i was like see you later and she giggled.

 

so her birthday was today so she was off and i didnt get to see her so i am kinda sad. however she took my birthday present home from work yesterday without opening it so i hope to hear what she thinks about it. it is funny how this girl can make me feel like a high schooler and his crush. i get nervous usually butterflies and many times my stomach bothers me. in a weird way i really like it though.

continue later...

 

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