i think i fucked up

ok, me bieng as shy as i am and as "looserish" as i am and for all the friends i dont have i finaly found a girl that was awsome i would do anything for her.

the story is she went to my sisters school but shes 15 and my sister just graduated but they knew each other and she came over on my birthday and i was laying on the floor for some reason but when she walked in the front door i got the butterflys like ive never had, i felt like i didnt even know i just was there. i found out that she really liked me wich was awsome casue i really liked her but im shy so i didnt make a move or say anything they all went out to the movies but i was sick and had some hw to do so i passed but i found out that she was wanting me to go with her as like a date but she didnt want to throw her self out like that,

so i felt really stupid the next few times there was an aqward(sp) silence when no one was around but when some one was there we would talk.

so the end of last week we went to see mr and mrs smith and after we stoped by the house and then went to coldstones, later around 9 we went down to beach place(las olas i dunno if theres a diff) and we ate and hung out by the beach and had a really good time but the next day she had the vomits and a headache so we didnt do any thing

but the day after that we went back to las olas and went to the cheesecake factory it sucked cause the food sucked and so did the service. but after that we came back to the house and went in the pool now im self concious and kinda pale and a gut etc im not the most open person with my feelings, and im shy so i usualy stay in my room and or get high and sleep so im not all that social so im not around alot of girls and i never take off my shirt of shoes or talk or do any thing cause i said it awlready. so any way we came back to the house and went in the pool etc and drank sky vodka first with coke but it sucked to then we had it with oj.

well lets jsut say we got a little tipsy so now its like midnight, we went back to my room and layed down her in underwear kinda and a shirt and i in boxers and a pair of pe shorts cause u know it popes out some times like when u stand up, and im never with a girl more or less just about naked in bed cause im me, so we watched some movies on like hbo or what ever.

so a little bit later we were hungry cause dindin sucked so we hit the kitchen no food but we got a bottle of water. we staid up cudling and holding hands for a few hours but we got to talking for real and we both had feelings for each other. but i never talk about mine cause i feel like a looser and im me again shy looserish etc. but she asked questions so i answered but like i felt comfy letting her know me my problems downsides feelings every thing my whole life, how many times i had sex etc, and im never open to any one eespecialy a girl but she made me so happy and comfy that it didnt matter any more cause she made me feel that way. we were playing with each others bellies kinda and she had a nice flat belly with a belly button ring in and i had a plae little gut that ive alwase been ashamed of and hated but she slayed with it and said it was cute and didnt want me to get rid of it.

but after the boos kinda wore off around 2ish and we were playing footsies and cuddling holding hands and taking and she got to this makeout fobia thing that she was afraid to make out and i asked y and she was like ive done it onely a few times and that was years ago so i told her the trooth the last time i made out was in like the eight grade so thats 2 years for me, so i was like w/e theres nothing to be worried about if anything i will suck and not be good at it, but she was no

i was ok with that, but later on around 3ish we got to talking about how she alwase seems to get taken advantage of or cornered when messed up rather it be drunk, high or on bars. around 3 30 ish shee put my hand inbitween her legs and i was like ok am i supposed to do sumthing cause i dont want to be taking advantage of you and she called me a looser and moved my had bt in a sarcstic way.

around 4ish we were serious and she was like i love you nad i was like i love u 2 and we were completely open and honnest now. so this went on till 5 then she went to sleep holding hands with me and our legs wrapeed aound each others legs. then i fell asleep around 530

she woke up at 6 or 6 30 ish and i woke up at 7ish and we went to the beach to tan and have fun and what not but we held hands for 5 mins mab then she rolled over and was aqward(sp) so after 2 or 3 hours we left and went back to my house but there was an aqwwardness(sp again) she wasnt talking and wouldnt tuch my hand or anything, so i was like mab shes bored or tired from the 1 or 2 hours of sleep we got

, so around 1ish i had to go to the doctor for a follow up of bieng sick. and i pissed i was oustise fucking yelling i was punching the concrete wall until i was denting it and i had bloddy knucked by then so i left the dooctor and droping my gramdma off for kemo around 3 ish she my sister and my sisters boyfriend and the girl( im not one to give out names cause i dunno if she wants that)we like were going to thte mall and i had the impresion that i was comming so i was like i will meet you at the mall then but right after she found out that i was going she was falling asleep so i was like ok mab we will chill tonight or mab tomm,

but she wouldnt text me back and forth, pick up the phone, answer my emails or ims. and this morning around 8ish i asked my sister like if she said any thing that i did that hurt her, or sumthin and my sis said that i moved to quickly and i scared her and that at my age she will mess with my head like that and caus ei fell for her that sshe felt that she had me and could get me any time now so i was like ok i dont think so but she still wont talk to me

i want to go get some new clothes cause i have none and i got 300 bucks so i called her she declined my call so i left a message asking if she wants to go to the mall tomm and she didnt get back to me in any way. and i feel like i fucked up royaly casue she made waking up worth it and same with talking and emotions and going out and ever thing seemed worth it now. and it was all gone every thing and i dunno what to do ive been all emo and really havent left my room taken my meds eatin slept drank posted in forums driven my rc trucks anything at all i turned down weed every thing just casue i felt like i fucked up and it was gone the feeling i had when she was there and talking to me and every thing was gone like i was dead, ive had no emotions but sorrow and pain wich seems looserish to my but what do i know

. so ya this was proboly a waste of time and space but i needed to get it out and it hasnt helped at all and it probly doesnt make much sence and its long but i figured y not i have nothing else.

 

the enter button seperates chunks of text into paragraphs. Paragraphs are much easier to read and will get you more responses.

 

Yeah it is easier to read in paragraphs and it is quite annoying that you type why as 'y' and see as 'c' etc. But anyway you didn't fuck up anything. She is playing mind games with you, you opened up to her and admitted that she had you, hence you're not interesting anymore. There are a lot of girls like that and the best thing to do is to stay away as far as you can, they are nothing but bad news.

 

ok, i edited it alittle and spaced it out. but do you really think i should stay away from her. i mean she maid me all happy and everything was worth doing and she made me feel like a person that she liked and i liked her and ive never really felt thatway about any one if that makes sence. but im up for all responces on sugestions(sp). and even thought she might have had imprfections it didnt matter nothing around mattered but everything was worth doing living was wroth it every thing seemed to fall into place when i was with her.

 

And how do you feel now?

 

i edited that post also just now so look at it again, but i still feel like shit even more cause i have to think about her and every thing that happened to type it and i feeel like puking and its like eating away at me. but with out her i feel dead like theres nothing to live for i just want her back in my life weather its just friends or more serious, she just made me comfterable with me and every thing. it was an amasingly emence feeling. and its gone

 

you actin like a little bitch. let her come to you, dont go beggin to any girl like that

 

ya i posted again

 

Chill out man, there are still plenty of other girls that can make you happy, just give it some time.

 

well if you really want her and don't just want somebody else go to her house and apologize for if she thought you were moving too fast... Just say something like that

 

id agree but all my life ive never had a girl( never had may at all but the few i did have) that made me feel like that im not even that comfteralbe(sp for sure) sround family, or any body im alwase wearing clothes no matter wat until i met her i even wore a shirt in the pool. ive never felt like the way she made me feel. im running on nexed to no sleep i cant stop thinking about her, believe me i wouldent mind jsut brushing it off and finding another one but i havent had a girl friend since the eight grade and i found out she was using me for money and connections not for the relationship or anything else. this girl is the only person ever thats done unexplainable things for me weather gf family any one else, and without her i feel incomplete like, like nothing to get out of bed for or going to the comp for or turning on the phone for just nothing to live for any more dont get me wrong im not saying im gonna go kill myself but it feels that way.

 

lakshen sounds like a good idea. but i dunno if i should i dont want her to feel like im stalking her or any thing. atlest her mom likes me and thinks im a nice guy and knows that she likes me or atlest used to. so ya. but ill think about it its to late now , im gonna do it tommow if ima do it

 

you gotta get more confident, or at least act a little mreo confident, a little mroe sure of yourself. Girls like confident guys, guys who dont' need to be led through, step by step, how to deal with a girl (especially when she puts her hand in your crotch, that's a big hint buddy)


oh, and thanks for spacing it out so it was readable

 

i was going to but she kept saying that every time she drinks, smokes or pops bars she gets cornered or taken advantage of. so i didnt do it cause of that.

it proboly was a big hint but i didnt know if the boos completely wore off on her and i dint want to take advantage of her after what she said. i mean i weight more than her so i know it did for me but i wasnt sure for her and i just didnt want to fuck what we had going up but it seems i did it any way, and if it was how would i be moving to quickly and scare her like she said to mike and my sister( mikes my sisters bf), u know?

oh, ya i didnt say this b4 casue i was overwlemed with what i started with but she has/had only 2 people on her crushlist and i was one of them.

and with the whole confident thing just isnt i guess ive been let down thorught my life by every one not just girls. every thing i believed in at one time was crushed or sumthing. all my morals( i think they were decent morals) went down the drain every thing i knew my life, old friends, family, homes, beliefes about every thing. is all gone or changed or sumthin. i could put on an act but i would feel like shes likeing who im not and when it comes out im gonna look like a liar, or sumthin and single and crushed

 

hehe, just do like I did... I was shy too a few years ago, but then I went to this party where I knew I'd never see anyone again and went totally nuts, even since I just do as I feel like, and if people disagree... well then they're wrong!!!

 

ya, but were i live all the parties ive been invited to are people i know and i hear about the open houses etc, but usually the day after.

 

ive thought about it for a bit and i think i will tell her how i feel tomm and that im sorry for waht ever i did to her but..... i havent thought of the rest yet but i will

 

haha she gonna play you son but do your thing

 

well atleast she hasnt blocked me from instant messages. and i think this is what im gonna say.... im sorry for what ever i did to you but......thought i had it but i didnt

 

what are you apologizin for exactly?