Alright, this has been eating me up for a while now. I will try to give you the major details of my 17 year old life in order to get your opinions. My parents had my older sister at a young age my dad was around 17 and my mom was 16. My sister has down syndrome. i was born 2 years later and my parents split up shortly after. i remember them getting into a huge argument and me hiding with my sister under some blankets waiting for it to end. Well my dad ended up moving like an hour away but he was still young and i guess he wanted to enjoy his youth so we rarely saw him other than on weekends. my mom worked multiple jobs and eventually met my step dad. i have never really like my step dad i dont know whether its just because him trying to take my dads place or the fact that he is a materialistic, conservative, redneck, alcoholic bastard. He would always get piss drunk and end up punching holes in the walls of our trailer or kicking down doors. He went a year without drinking in order to stay with my mom and after a year of sobriety my mom rewarded him with a drink. He never really treated me or my sister bad just looking back i dont agree with any of his parenting choices nor my mothers. Me and my sister finally go into a routine of seeing my dad about once a month and everytime we saw him it was nothing but good times so we always thought of our dad as the best guy ever. my mom ended up getting pregnant and having my little brother jacob. i enjoyed sports as a kid and played football up until my highschool years. My stepdad began moving up in his workplace and now he owns his own electrical business and we live in a nice 2 story house in a nice neighborhood. I never really saw the fairness in my childhood versus my little brothers. i didnt get much as a child due to us having little money and my mom and stepdad were much stricter when i was a kid. My 9 year old little brother currently has his own computer, a cellphone, a Wii, an Xbox 360, a PSP, and a nintendo DS. along with multiple bb guns and a paintball gun. He gets pretty much anything he wants whenver he wants and gets to do whatever he wants as long as he doesnt annoy my mom. I am pretty intelligent scoring 140+ on the IQ tests i have taken and i make good grades when i feel like doing the work. Well i have always been sort of a trouble maker i guess and ive always been rebellious. In 9th grade i was suspended for starting a fire in the bathroom along with drawing a penis on my teachers whiteboard. I was always the class clown. i had many friends and was generally happy. I started smoking pot the summer before 9th grade and still do today. In 10th grade i was caught with pot at school and was almost sent to this school "SOUTH CAMPUS" which is like a maximum security school. i was let off and allowed to return on a probationary contract stating that i couldnt get in any trouble or i would be sent to south campus. well later in that year i got caught on myspace during one of my computer classes and was sent to south campus. i moved in with my dad because my mom was tired of dealing with me. at my dads house he was used to living alone so he kept to himself as did i. we barely even talked during the day other than when he came home and asked how my day was etc. he would go into the sunroom and just work or be on the computer while i sat in my room on the computer. i didnt really know anyone who lived close except a couple other teens who smoked and stuff. i believe this is where i started to notice how different i was. Keep in mind i am a 120 pound 5 foot 10 shy white kid. This school was full of mainly black and mexican students who were "gangsters". I tried to keep to myself and just get out of there as quick as i could. Everyday there was hell. I was constantly picked on and would constantly have stuff thrown at me while i slept on the bus etc. The teachers didnt do much because they could care less. I finally got through south campus and it was the summer time. i had become so used to keeping to myself and not talking or acting up that all i did was sit and think. i feel like i have been trapped in my mind. I hung out with some kids everyday and we would usually smoke everyday and occasionally got some blow, or xanax etc. i generally kept to myself amongst them to other than the occasional "yeah" or "nah". well i invited some of them over a couple of times and one day i came home and someone had broke into my dads house. my dad thought i staged a break in so i could steal some shit and make money off of it to get weed or something. i couldnt believe that he thought it was me. i had always looked up to my dad and loved him so much. i never knew he had such a temper until that day. he was so mad at me he just kept yelling and slamming doors and thats all ive dealt with my whole life is yelling and doors slamming. i guess you could say it broke my heart to find out that my dad wasnt the perfect father that i thought he was. when i told him it wasnt me and that i didnt know who did it he would just yell something like " YOU ARE A WORTHLESS LYING PIECE OF SHIT" i had never felt so bad in my life after hearing my dad say that to me and even thinking about it makes me feel horrible. well a couple weeks passed and i guess he kind of felt bad and told me he was sorry but it didnt really help. i felt really depressed and usually cried at night wishing i could move back with my mom and with my old friends. i ended up going to school for half a year while i lived with my dad and got into a lot of trouble so i ended up living with my mom again. i figured everything would be back to normal when i moved back but it wasnt. i started to go back to my old school and i wasnt social at all. i wouldnt even really ackknowledge any of my old friends because i just felt like i couldnt. its hard to explain i just didnt really talk to anyone i kept to myself. well my friend "m" who i had known since my freshman year i had found it he stole a bunch of my stuff and had pretty much been using me for 3 years for my money and stuff. well i made a bad decision and ended up tripping acid for my first time with him and it wasnt a bad trip but it wasnt good either i dont know how to put it. well a couple months later me,him, and 2 other friends ended up tripping. at first it was great i was in a good mood and everything was great. after a couple hours me and my friend "j" went for a walk while "m" and "w" stayed inside. it was great me and j really connected and talked about everything. we went back to w's house and all of our energies just collided. i guess you could say it was the peak of my trip but i dont really remember anything except a few things. i thought i had fallen asleep and was dreaming. in my "dream" i talked forever saying the same thing over and over and over. my friend m's parents were lesbians and i would randomly say m is a homosexual and he would freakout and be like no im not dude. as some point i remember my friend saying i was a great guy to trip with and that he thought i was god or something. well the next morning they woke me up and told me what happened. apparently i talked for about 4 hours straight and wouldnt shut up saying the same thing " my name is eric, i like to skateboard, smoke blunts, 420, niggatittie.". i ended up picking up my friends bass guitar and throwing it down saying "dude it doesnt matter" and my friend "m" was on the phone all night before we started tripping and i took his phone from him and snapped it in half saying " its just a phone dude" they said i freaked out. well i am not friends with any of them now and rarely talk to them.i havent tripped since but i still pretty much keep to myself. i know this is really long and really messy but i just need someone to talk to. i really hope one of you guys can give me some feedback. if you want to see what im doing currently check out my myspace. www.myspace.com/the_d0pe_show
i think you need to stop using substances you obviously have some emotional problems and self medication isn't the way to go have you tried talking to a school counselor about your problems, it might be fruitless but it also might be good for you just to put it on the table. good luck and yea get through it
This is a funny piece of text, two massive paragraphs, whats the point in using paragraphs at all if they're massive?
man, i read the whole story, not sure what to say... i would say you're parent's are more insane than you. a lot of us have had a rough upbringing (not to compare). and being a teenager is awkward for everyone. tripping acid can make you do some funny things. explain to your friends that you're sorry and you didn't handle the acid too well. try to re-connect with your old friends from school. and lay off the drugs. clear your head, it helps.
im with ya, man. except for apologizing, i think the OP might have been on to somethin'... he didn't do anything 'wrong'
i wonder if he'll be back to see our advice? (i see he only has 1 post) he better b/c fuck, i didn't real all that for nothing!
sorry for the two massive paragraphs ,haha. i was having an emotional breakdown i guess you could say and just wanted to get all that off my chest. Looking back on my trip now i think i was expressing my views but i just couldnt figure out how. i am totally against consumerism and materialistic people and i guess i was trying to show my friends that what they were living for was pointless. but thanks for the help guys. ive realized im not insane my views just differ from the typical consumeristic(doubt thats a word) human.
that is a word. YOu don't differ from all people. Its ok to have your own views. And insanity is ok too
Join the club my friend....simply because you do not place as much or no value whatsoever on materialistic things the majority of people (especially in the U.S.) will look at you as though your "odd" or even go so far as to labeling you crazy. All because you do not subscribe to their notion of material goods and money as being representative of "success". This lack of meaning in terms of a shortage in the presence of true love, honesty, spirituality etc...etc...is all caused by the "consumer" way of life that all to many societies have adopted. Hence the term Babylon...all I can say is live a life of true righteousness, staying as far away from the wickedness of Babylon as you possibly can. (I put an emphasis on possibly, because often times it can be very hard to do so and one must compensate)
Dude, you are fine. You just have shitty people around you, that's all. I know the feeling, I can't stand talking to like 99.9% of the people I am forced to be around, most of the time I just sit here either reading or thinking about things, and all that free time leads to a lot of self-evaluation, which in large doses can be a pretty bad thing, especially in our case. Btw, the same shit happened to me on mushrooms, the falling asleep and "dreaming" thing, but all I had done was closed my eyes for like 3 fucking seconds, after that, I felt like I knew everything in the universe, but couldn't put it into English language.
