I suck!!!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Cherea, Feb 15, 2009.

  1. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    I was kissed by someone a month ago. I still see her on a weekly basis and I can't talk about it. We flirt, and I act cool like nothing happened.

    I feel like I'm growing unable to express my feelings and making myself vulnerable. It's as if I had a lump in my throat and it hurts like hell. :( All I want is an opportunity to talk to her...I usually see her when she's busy at work so I have plenty of reasons to defer.
  2. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

  3. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Thanks. I'm enlightened.
  4. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    glad I could help.
  5. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    You really suck. That's what I think about you.
  6. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    suck suck suck. that's all you boys ever think about. ;)
  7. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Are you ever not in control? Are you ever bothered by anything?
  8. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    Control is an illusion. That doesn't bother me. :D
  9. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Good for you you can protect yourself with your philosophical platitudes. But stop derailing my thread.

    I'm fucking hurting and I'm scared. I don't want truisms and sage cliches. I want empathy and sharing experiences of vulnerability.

    Tits or gtfo.
  10. prissbaby

    prissbaby creepy

    maybe you're scared to talk about what happened...... or scared to act like you acknowledge what happened because you are scared of her reaction... maybe you're scared it may have meant more to you than it did to her? or maybe it was something that happened... that you didn't want to happen, because you don't feel 'that way' about her? or maybe you really do feel 'that way' about her, you just wanted your first kiss to be more special, or something ?

    were you intoxicated when it happened? give me some more insight into the situation.
  11. bluesafire

    bluesafire Senior Member

    You have my empathy. :) And I'm vulnerable on a daily basis.
  12. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    I was not intoxicated, neither was she. Sometimes I doubt whether it really happened (but it did, I'm sure).

    I am scared that I have more feelings toward her than the other way around. And if that's the case, I wish she didn't push my boundaries.

    I'm also involved in a torturous internal dialogue about whether her outward signals means that she cares or that she doesn't. Last week I even tried convincing myself that she isn't worthy it; that she's playing games; that she probably doesn't give a fuck.

    But the fact is that I won't know until I talk to her. And with each passing day, the more embarrassed I become and the more difficult it becomes to talk about what happened.

    I feel like a 14 year old, not a 31 year old. :(
  13. prissbaby

    prissbaby creepy

    don't feel like a 14 year old.... I think people often feel that way. especially when they like someone. go to the bar (I think that's where you said she works?) and ask her when she's off, and if she wants to get dinner.. :confused:
  14. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    I was going to go there in the evening to ask if we could talk on the phone. I might still do it, but right now I feel I might choose a bit more anguish instead. I'm too angry right now.
  15. bigmannn

    bigmannn Member

    Why not ask her what shes up to this weekend?
  16. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Haha. I got her number this evening and forgot to store it in my phone. I swear, you can't win.

    It's probably a small thing, but I'm making a big deal out of it. I called her workplace and she's too busy to get to the phone "right now" according to the desk person.

    Do I look like a maniac if I try it one more time?
  17. mamaKCita

    mamaKCita fucking stupid.

    dude, sorry. that is a bummer. i think you're going through a vicious phase of self doubt. it's still just a phase, though.

    as for getting her number, just ask again. it's not manic. tell her what happened.

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