I need to move out. Here is the details. I'm 16 years old, but I won't move till 17 unless things get worse. I'm living with my grandparents and always have with the exception of 12-14 which I lived with my parents. Long story why I came back. But I moved for the following reasons. (Even though I had my own childish preconceptions on what was bothering me at the time.) I am a very empathetic person, agonisingly so. Now, I've got a little huge problem. My grandmother. She won't stop, she is completely ruining my life, and not just because she is oppressive, I'm not that immature. To sum it up, she is just nuts. She makes up and believes her totally ridiculous stories, and she is totally ruining everyone's lives around her. For instance, she somehow got it into her head that my grandfather cheated on her, stayed away from home 5 days of a week without giving her any way to contact him, with 3 children, and a whole lot more. Whilst the actual truth to the story is that my grandfather NEVER cheated on her at all, and never was away for longer than a day or two, and that was a rare occasion. In fact, he gave up his dream of becoming a international opera singer (he got all the opportunities he needed to become as famous as Pavarotti, not to mention the skills to match.) and turned down his dream job for the sake of the family. He gave up everything for her, and still does. He is 78, and he is working himself dizzy for her, but all he gets is more and more and more work and not a compliment in sight, just criticism. He is already to hopeless to even try and contradict her on her bullshit, and just lives with it. Well I can't bear it to watch this happen in front of me EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY! She killed my self esteem and adds to the pain every day with her constant criticism and pressure. Not to mention, she always manages to fit in an fight, even if I only see her for 5 mins, she manages to fit in a fight in it. Honestly, I want to evolve spiritually but even after meditating for hours in nature, she manages to get me to boiling point in minutes. At a time I thought I was the problem, that I was causing it (the barrage that is directed to me, not my grandfather, I'm not an idiot.) but in the week that she was at my mothers so far there wasn't a single fight in the house. Me and my grandfather just deal with problems, we don't start a screaming fest. Now, another thing is, I LOVE nature, I can't live without it, but nobody takes the trouble to get me a weekly/biweekly dose of nature, they are all to busy. (It is just a 35 mile drive to the nearest forest.) But I can not live without nature, I go crazy, I get depressed, grumpy, and irritable. That in combination with my grandmother's antics is like a zoo inside a nuclear plant. Shit is bound to happen. For most of my life I was a depressed wreck! I constantly wanted to kill myself and just end it, and eventually it turned into daily attempts. (I've got some angels guarding over me.) There is many more reasons that I want to get out than what I put here, but this is the biggest reasons. I'm all for discussing problems and dealing with them, infact that is what I really want to do, but even after a car crash and me spilling out all my emotions and feelings on her mistreating my grandfather, she still doesn't show the slightest hinge towards changing. Just one incident that sticks out was on Christmas. At the end of the night, she came to my room, and started talking. Well the conversation (like 99% of them) ended up swinging back towards how shitty her past was and how "terrible" my grandfather was. Her ultimate excuse for anything when she cannot justify is how terribly my grandfather abused her (not physically.) and how she was seen as an object. And no matter how much I tell her to shut up and leave she just continues, ruining my whole day, that somehow ended up only having 3-4 minor fights. (Normally they are an occurrence so frequent that every single conversation ends up an heated argument, and every second argument a heated verbal fight.) I just want peace. I know this great place situated in a cave overlooking a river-mouth and surrounded by forest. The place is simply beyond beautiful. Just an single hour there gets me so at peace it is hard to contemplate! Now, the great thing is I do homeschooling, so if I am up to it, I can continue my work and still pass. I get an average of 85%-92% (Probably higher now since all the shitty subjects that I just hate but still get semi-good marks (70ies and low 80ies.) are out of the equation.) so I'm sure I can easily make it if I put effort into it. (For all I know in the peaceful environment my performance might sky-rocket!) The guy who owns the place said he will take me in if it ever got to that point, and I am seriously considering going now. I feel it can only do me good spiritually. I would just need to make enough money to get some sustainable energy up there, as I'm not going to be able to give up my PC as all my books and schoolwork are on it, so I won't be able to go till I'm 17. I know how I could easily do this though... But in any case, I just can't take it anymore. I know I'm supposed to be able to find inner peace anywhere, but I'm not Jesus or Bhuddha, although I'd like to be like them, I just can't take it anymore. I cannot take the city anymore, I cannot take this house anymore, I cannot take all this clutter anymore, and I just cannot take all this ciaos anymore! On the day I spilled my heart to them after the car crash and the cliff incident (I also fell off a cliff 8 weeks ago, and the car crash happened 3 weeks ago.) my conclusion was: Either there comes change, or my grandfather divorces her, or I move out. Well my grandfather won't divorce her, he loves her to much to make her go through that trauma, and she is to hardheaded to ever admit that she does anything wrong and change her act (well, at the moment I'd be happy with her just saying sorry for once in her life, even if she still goes on as she does, if she could just say sorry once in a while...) so I am left with the last option. I do not want to end up as fucked up as my mother, uncle, and aunt ended up becoming. It took my mother 10 years to undo the damage, and my uncle is still screwed because of it. I do not want to end up like them, I want out. Edit: Oh, can't believe I didn't add this, she hits me from time to time. It isn't really painful physically as I'm twice her size, but the very fact that someone I love so much I'd give my life for hers is hitting me with all her force just kills me inside.
Sorry no one answered your post. I'd definitely want to get out of that very negative situation if I were you. It seems like you've tried to help your family and they aren't responding. Sometimes it's healthy to acknowledge you've done all you can and gracefully bow out. If you have a back-up plan, I'd say prudently use it as soon as you can and get outta there. It might be fun to live in the country while you do some schoolwork.
