I need some serious help with coming out...

I am 100% positive that I am bisexual. And it's not that I am embarrassed about it, because I'm not, and I really want to just bust down the closet door and be open about it. But every time I work up the courage to come out to any of my family members or even close friends, as soon as I get ready to start that first sentence, my throat burns and I get a lump in it and my mouth clamps shut and I end up just walking away, disappointed and frustrated and depressed.

I'm not really scared that they'll reject me so much as I'm scared that I won't be able to handle living openly. It sounds silly, but I fear being that liberated because I have lived with this secret for so long, I don't wouldn't know how to act, I guess.

I just got out of a very serious relationship with a guy and part of the reason we had drifted apart so much is because I wasn't really attracted to him anymore, as I find myself being more and more attracted to women vs men.(It's about a 60/40 split. [women/men])

I would love to start dating women, but it will be nearly impossible to do that openly, without first coming out of the closet.

Help me? Please? I feel like I'm drowning, slowly...

 

Mabey this will give you confidence, but lesbians are hot in society compared to gay guys. I don't know anybody that disses on lesbians unless they look like men or something lol.

 

Hey Karm! First off, I'm not completely out myself. I've so far told 5 people. All close friends over the course of an entire year. So I can't give you any advice about "busting out" no doors. But you should consider who you want to tell and how they'll react. The first person I told was someone I had known for a very long time and I knew would support me. Think of the viewpoints of the people you want to come out to. It helps to get a base of support, some people you can talk to when you come out to others who might not be so supporting. Pick one of your closest friends, who you know is ok with homosexuality. If your having trouble broaching the subject with anyone. Consider coming up with what you going to say before hand and writing it out. Then practicing it. Like:

Karm: Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you about something.
Karm's BFF: Sure you can always talk to me.
Karm: Well, this is really hard for me but there is something I need to get off my chest. You know my ex-boyfriend Blah-blah? Well I told you I broke up with Blah-blah cause he had ugly shoes, the real reason is that I wasn't attracted to him. I...I'm bi.
Karm's BFF: Oh, sweety, are you sure?
Karm: Yah
Karm's BFF: How long have you known?
Karm: Well, since....
-go into talking about all the things you talk about when you come out to a person-

This isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, just an example. But you should honestly say out loud to yourself, "I'm bi". To get used to it. The first time I said "I'm Gay" it was so quite it was a whisper. I cried too, just because of what it would mean to my family and the rest of my life plans, and in that first moment everything seemed so real. But each time I say it it's easier. I no longer whisper and only say it when there is only one person around. Last Friday, I came out to a friend of mine while we were having coffee in a crowded Starbucks. I didn't whisper it, and there was no lump, and I didn't cry , so it gets to be something easier. And don't try to force it either, you can feel when the time is right. That might be now or in a year. It's all up to you.
Hope this helps!

 

This was helpful. Thank you.

I actually had already told my best friend a while back and and it was really quite funny when I did because she laughed hysterically and said, "Oh sweetie, I'm bi too!" So that was really cool.

But I think more of what I am having trouble with is making that jump from telling people that I know will accept me to telling people that I'm not sure will react well. And I dunno, I know that it's really something that only I can do and something that only I can determine the right time for, but I just wish it were easier! lol I'm sick of having mini panic attacks every time I get ready to tell someone and then I back out. So frustrating. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ugh. Gotta be strong, I guess. I've just gotta be strong...

 

Just go and shout IM BISEXUAL!!!!!

 

hahahaha. i wish it were that easy. maybe it is. i don't know. maybe i will try that at my thanksgiving dinner this year. LOL that should go over well.

 

Im sure a big family gathering would be the perfect time to do it.

 

hrmm. maybe so. although my grandpa will be there, and i fear it just might send the old fart to his grave a bit early.

p.s. i love your sig. so cute.

 

UPDATE:

Got drunk a few hours ago and came out to my dad. He took it like a champ. He even offered to drive me to the lesbian bar up town, whenever I wanted a ride. aww. lol

 

Heh, safe. The joys of alcohol

You you the 50/50 split? Or more attracted to women than men? Most of the bisexual girls I know don't bother telling their parents, they just slip in the odd encounter here and there.

Obviously better off to let people know, just curious I suppose.

Congratulations anywho.

 

It's more of a 60/40 split. More attracted to women than men. It takes a hell of a guy to catch my attention. I decided to tell my Dad because I'm living with him and I wanted to be upfront about it. I didn't want him to walk in on me and some chick sometime and have a heart attack.

 

Well although I don't have any experience on this subject, i'll try to help you out. I firmly believe that since you could handle keeping a secret as big as this inside for so long you could just as easily handle being out in the open. Your your own biggest critic and that makes you your best friend. You should not hold back in life. I'm not saying your totally unhappy but I bet that coming out would get whatever weight off your shoulders therefore making you happier. Besides a pretty girl like you should not-not be mingling around because of something as silly as this! This is a new day. Anyone that looks down on people for being anything but straight is stupid and needs to get with the times. Don't concern yourself with what a stupid person thinks, you know your not in the wrong! I wish you the best of luck!

May peace and good vibes always be with you!

 

Thank you for the advice. It boosted my confidence up by about 15pts. I feel a little better now.

 

Haha no problem at all, glad I could help!

 

I like to live in the closet too, but I have given them enough tips to let them know I like guys. I don't really care if they find out, just my mom really, but I'm pretty sure she'd get around it. I would just go for it, unless you like living in the closet like me, just do it. write it down if you can't open your mouth, I know this feeling because a guy who lives with me makes me knock on his door to talk and I get really nervous when I knock because I feel he'll think I'm too into him, which is not the case.