I Need Help!!!

To start I want to say that, without sounding arrogant, I am a very handsome, smart and charming man and, in general, women really like me alot. However, I now find myself in a situation that I simply can not grasp clearly, in fact I am downright puzzled by this woman I went out with last weekend. I really need a WOMAN's opinion, not a man's, and I wanted to ask women who don't know me from a hole in the wall, so that their response won't be sugarcoated or evasive.
I have been taking this philosophy class in college, and I met a few different girls, however, the most attractive of all the girls really seemed to like me more than the others. She would always sit next to me, laugh at all my jokes (even the few that weren't very funny), and ask me to sit in her car and talk to her after class. She has a boyfriend that she talks about ALL THE TIME, he's an ugly old man (she showed me some pics, and told me he's older than 36) who doesn't even have a job. So after exchanging numbers and talking to her on the phone for hours, we decided to go out to a club dancing. On the phone before the date, I said:
1) I consider her to be single since she isn't married
2) I am attracted to her
3) This is a DATE that we are going on, which she agreed to
So we went to the club but didn't get in (we are both 20). I called my friends and they were all at a bar, and she said she said she wanted to go, so instead of taking her to house or to where her friend's were, she came with me. She had me carry her from my car to the bar, and was holding me, carressing me and leaning on me in front of all the guys and girls I went to high school with. After the bar closed at 2:30, I dropped off a friend of mine and asked her if she wanted to go home. She said wanted to stay out with me, so I told her the only places we could go would be a bar I know that stays open till 7 am, or to my hot tub. She said she wanted to go to the hot tub, at which point I said that I wanted to know where this was going because I want to be with you, so you need to break up with your boyfriend and get with me or stop leading me on, which she didn't reply to, so I took her to the bar which was a half hour away. After drinks we went to my friend's house, were she shut me down every time I tried to hug and kiss her. However, after brushing me off she would always start carressing me again, which turned into a strange and disheartening cycle. Finally I got so frustrated that I walked away and sat down at a table across from my friend Jerry. Then she sits on my lap and starts GRINDING MY CROTCH, fully arousing me, but STILL NOT LETIING ME TOUCH OR KISS HER! After taking her home, we didn't talk for two days, and at school she wouldn't look at or talk to me. She had another girl in class tell me a lame story of how she went to the movies with a guy who knew she had a boyfriend and kept mauling her and how gross it was. After charming the girl I went out with during class with my humor and wit, I apologized for making her feel bad and all she said was that she thought I understood that she had a boyfriend, and felt uncomfortable on the date, but she still wanted to be be friends with me. I said that we should stay friends during class, but not outside of class.
She still smiles at me during classes and talks to me and I still see that look in her eyes like she is really attracted to me, but I don't know how to approach things. I have never been so confused by a woman in my life. We don't call each other or talk after class now at all. For the love of God, will some heavenly lady on this forum please enlighten me to what she is thinking and what I should do, because I am falling for her, which never happens to me with any girl, and this could be a special relationship if I can get past her game playing. Sorry this post is so long, I tried to slim it down to the essentials but I am a naturally long winded writer.

-Jimmy

 

Simply put, you got scammed. This girl lead you on, lead you to believe it was something it wasn't, and then shot you down. Girls like that suck and give us genuine girls a bad name. If I were you I wouldn't even bother being her friend IN class, since she's obviously very manipulative.

 

i agree with cher on this one..
Girl sounds pretty immature and needs to grow up and not lead people on.. I would stay away from girls who are with someone else, cause in reality, you are always most likely end up being hurt..
I would stay away from her, cause she just sounds like shes just playing games cause it makes her feel good about herself..

 

wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. She has a boyfriend. She doesn't to break up with him for you, better to not be more than friends with her until she actually is single.

 

Jimmy, I think you're living proof that some guys get given good looks and "charm" by the grace of God even when they don't deserve to have them.


The fact that you took a girl who you knew had a boyfriend on a "date," and even articulated that this date's purpose was because you "wanted her," tells me that you may be good with the ladies but you don't know shit about being a gentleman.

A gentleman does not try to pry his female-prey from another man, older and uglier or not. And that's what she is to you, that much is clear: you consider women "prey." They are targets; conquests. I got that from your "I never fall for girls" line. Noooo, you're too "coooool" for falling for a girl, letting yourself lose the upper hand. It has to be she who falls for you, leaving you in control, emotionally, over what happens next in the situation.

The girl may not be the most mature around (hell, she went on a "date" despite having a boyfriend). She led you on in some ways. Maybe she was just trying to keep you on the line as insurance against her other boyfriend. She tested to make sure she could be confident that you would go with her if you were given the opportunity. But all she needed to know was that you would: she didn't need you to actually do anything. Some girls are like this. They desire stability and certainty, to the point that they'll manipulate just so they can have it. Keep you dangling, as they say. I think this one qualifies, potentially, as a "psychobitch." I'd stay away.

But I think also that you should swear off women until you're mature enough to deal straight with them, and stop turning it into a big game.

-Jeffrey

 

sounds like a grade A top quality s k a n k

forget her, any girl that does that kind of thing is just a prick tease

 

haha omg sooty I heart you

 

lol ok! netime u want to have a good skank bashing, im here for you!

 

Sounds to me like perhaps, she didnt want to face up to the real situation here.

She likes you, she was testing the waters, but the truth is, shes not really ready to give up what she has, despite her feelings for you.

Shes not a horrible person, just a bit confused about how she feels.

She probably enjoyed the feeling of having someone else other than her boyfriend, feel attracted to her. Perhaps something was lacking from her relationship which made her crave something new.

You probably upset her a little when you became a bit pushier about her dumping her man and choosing you. If she did not want to fully acknowledge the situation in the first place, saying that would have just taken all the fun out for her, as well as her sense of control over you. She probably was a bit irritated by the fact that you were making demands of her

YOu should keep your distance for your hearts sake, because she will stay with her boyfriend, but at the same time, there is no need to hate her.

 

I feel your pain man! Just wondering Jimmy has this girl had any other boyfriends or been with anybody else besides the dude she is going out with now? It kind of sounds like she wants out of that realationship but is not secure enough to be single. Kind of like that is the only guy she has ever been with.

 

I know a lot of girls like to play games, so maybe you should play too. She is testing you. When she starts to flirt hardcore, back away, play hard to get. Don't be totally clingy either. Go off on your own, show independence, go talk to other people. Go talk to other girls, especially since she had a BF.

She didn't like you because you were kind of a clingy wuss, man. I mean, you don't have to be macho, just show you are an independent man. Don't ever let a girl know that you like her that quickly either and don't lead her to believe that either. If you have good social standing (friends) however, that is always good in a girls eyes.

You missed out I would have to say. Go try for another girl and just have fun and be funny. Verbally flirt with her and be subtly physical, but subtle is key...like just a touch, not what you did, tsk, tsk, should have backed off and said something witty.

 

She not a bad person.. but she is the type of person you dont want to date..... Would you really want to date someone who has a boyfriend and went out with you anyways letting you believe it was a date... No .... Or atleast i hope not... She give girls a bad name.. stay away from her

 

I decided that I don't want to pursue her, and I am now pursuing a few other women outside of this class. I would like to clarify one thing in response to the post by Jeff; I am not a womanizer. A womanizer does everything and anything to get the woman he wants, regardless of the immorality of his actions (i.e. lying, cheating etc.). I am a flawed person, as surely as I am a human being, and i fuck up occasionally. However, I am CRYSTAL CLEAR with my intentions when I pursue a woman. It is my nature to follow my emotions, but I always obide by my conscience.
Be that as it may, I understand that my personality has a great divide when it comes to woman I am attractd to When we first meet I treat them as a friend, and thanks to the god given gifts that I possess, I often find that they become attracted to me as well. When the situation gets sexual however, I tend to stop treating women as people, but as objects (more accurately, as walking vaginas). I understand and accept critiscism, Jeff, but your post appeared much more judgmental then an opinion meant to help me improve myself or my situation. Maybe my comment about her 'old and ugly' 36 year old boyfriend hit a little to close to home for you, and your jealousy caused you to feel resentful ,in which case I feel bad for you and I wish you peace of mind and improved self confidence/esteem in the future. Or maybe you are just a spiteful asshole who wants to know me down a peg or two, in which you have failed and I am still me and you are still unfortunately, for you, Jeffrey.

 

i agree with everyone else on this...also let me tell you something that will maybe ease your mind...YOUR NOT FALLING FOR THIS GIRL...your a good looking guy as you said and im pretty sure girls fall at your feet...i think the fact this girl is attatched(i kno my spelling sucks) and you cant have her makes you want her sunbconsiously ...or the fact that shes not really interested in you like outside of class makes you think its something wrong with u so u try harder

 

Now that I know her better I agree that I am and never was falling in love with her. I lusted for her, certainly. I also found myself falling in love with who I thought she was, not who she has shown herself to be. Her sweet exterior belies her manipulative and deceitful personality. I don't blame her entirely, since she clearly has emotional and self worth issues. As for women throwing themselves at my feet, that doesn't happen too often. Women just don't approach men, at least not very many women in my experience. My looks only take me so far; looks open the door, but my personality, charm and most of all my intelligence is what allows me to walk through. To finish the analogy, the 'personality divide' that I described previously is the reason I can't close the door. I need to work on how to treat women after I establish a sexual connection with them, be it just the unspoken understanding of mutual attraction or the act of sex itself.

 

Shouldn't you try to learn to treat a woman before you even THINK of the sexual connection...

N/M you're a guy...*laughs* what was I thinking?

Bottom line...this chick played you hard...take it as a lesson and move on.

THE END.

 

You are not "smart" - you have a typo in your username, for Pete's sake! I think you meant "SleightOfTongue," not Slight. There are typos in your message too. Underage drinking, or attempted drinking, is not smart either. Sorry, but your arrogance really put me off.

I'm not a woman, so I won't comment on your situation, but I don't have hordes of women beating down my door like you apparently do, so I don't see what help I could give you anyway.

 

actually, slight is spelled like that. i drank when i was underage, but i was smart about it by not driving and not getting caught. i don't think he was implying that he had "hordes of women" beating down his door. he just has a pretty easygoing personality and he's kinda cute, so he has an easy time meeting the ladies. i'm sure he has a bit of charisma and charm.

either way, slight, it's good you ran far away from that girl. she obviously is confused about what she wants in life and is manipulative and unstable.

good luck in learning how to treat women. you just have to remember that we have souls, we have opinions, we have intelligence, we have interests and lives. we aren't just walking vaginas.

i really respect that you acknowledge the fact that you treat them/think of them that way once things turn sexual. that's a really big first step in growing up! you should be proud. all these people in here are flaming you for being shallow, but for god's sake, you're only 20! most guys at your age really do have that mentality, i find. the ones who are capable of having a deeper connection with women are RARE at best.

my fiance' is 6 years older than me, and he very shamelessly admits that at the age of 20 he pretty much, "fingered 'em, fucked 'em, and forgot 'em..." hehehe. and i don't think he was a bad person because of that. you'll be able to connect on a deeper level with time. it's all part of growing up and maturing.

peace and love,
amy

 

1) Typos do not signify a lack of intelligence, but a lack of attention. I concentrated on my flow of consciousness and not on grammar. I base my intelligence upon my math and writing skills, my passion for knowledge, and most importantly, my critical thinking skills and ability to relate to others.

2) You are not very thorough yourself, because if you had read my posts correctly you would have noticed that I denied having women fall at my feet, and I corrected people who thought I did. What I did say was that I am aware of my god given looks and charm, and they help me immensely in attracting women. However, I work very in the gym and in examining my lifestyle/morals.
I work my ass off to be who I am and I'm proud of what I have accomplished, and I don't have to be sorry that you don't put into your life what I put into mine.

3) SLIGHT of tongue is a play on words. The expression 'SLEIGHT of tongue' means to have a quick and sharp wit. SLIGHT means small, so SLIGHT of tongue is a self depricating joke. I am surprised that someone as smart as you didn't understand this, hehehe.

4) If you take look at the posts, the negative responses are from older (likely unattractive) men. Meanwhile, the majority of positive, helpful posts come from young (and certainly all very beautiful) girls/women. So who is the asshole, exactly?

 

LOL!! You got me! You had me thinking, because of the first part, that you might be about to prove that you're a sensitive, decent guy... and then went on to prove how much of a loser twit you really are!

Oh, and how can you be "not a womanizer" and yet stop treating women as people when things get sexual, and start treating them as -- your words -- "walking vaginas"?

I um... I think that qualifies you as a womanizer. "Oh, I'm not a womanizer. Well, only when I'm dealing sexually with a woman."

I stand by what I said. You should stay away from women, and women should stay the fuck away from you.

(Which they probably do.)

-Jeffrey