I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a fear of being alone. I haven't always been this way...just in the past year or so. I guess it got really bad after I spent about 3 months doing large amounts of ecstasy. It's been 9 since I've touched it, but progressively often I've had horrific anxiety attacks whenever I'm alone. Even if I'm just the only person awake in the house. My throat tightens, I sob, I shake. I need another person's voice. I need their touch. I get so scared, so depressed, I feel weak and angry at myself because I know it's stupid. This is the same way I felt on my first (and only) acid trip and after I stopped using ecstasy. I have breakdowns. I feel like I've permanently fucked up my head, because nothing I've done makes it any better. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about it, but he doesn't understand and pretty much had nothing to say. He loves solitude. He puts up with it (my anxiety) but he's leaving again for college soon. I'll be in my house all alone again, and the prospect terrifies me. I feel so dependent and weak, I know how silly it all sounds. I wish there was something, anything I could do to be my normal self again. I really need this to stop.
You need to stop fighting your feelings. They are what they are. Let them be. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you need to take any sort of action to try to not feel that way. You will be fine, alone, feeling the fear. You won't get hurt. Nothing bad will happen to you. Just don't fight the feeling. Sit with it. Respect it. Let it be. And, in time, it will pass.
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I hate to say it but it sounds like the past use of drugs may have altered your brain function. Some may say this is bull, but if you introduce a new substance your brain is not used to, your nervous system can be effected, Causing altered thoughts or responses. It sounds like this has just enlarged a preexisting condition, I would seek more qualified assistance. inmop
Anxiety is a harsh thing to deal with Take it easy with stimulants (coffee, nicotine) Personally I find marijuana can exacerbate anxiety, though I'm sure some would say it helps. It might, it might not. I feel the best way to deal with it is by deep thinking. Breath and relax. Carefully examine your thoughts, and try to determine specifically what you're anxious about. If it's being alone, don't worry! Because many people are in the same boat, heaps of people are out there are lonely and looking for love I myself have never had a meaningful loving relationship my entire life. This can be very depressing if you keep looking into the abyss, what I've found out is that being alone can be a source of Immense Joy! It's a time to learn how to love yourself, to learn how to find happiness in the world being by yourself. It will make you stronger, and you can bring this love to others. Rather than being dependent on others to bring you joy, be a source of joy. I very much doubt your head has been 'fucked up' by acid and x. These drugs may not exactly help your situation, but I don't believe they are very damaging to your body. Ecstasy used to be used in psycho therapy =) I would also consider LSD to have therapeutic elements...however I would suggest going sober so you can really concentrate on your issues.
Drugs = bad. i used to smoke pot and i've had anxiety issues. i've also had fear and various weird thoughts when alone. i used to be fine when alone, even liked it. but now alone i feel nervous, giddy, as though my voice isn't mine. when i talk to myself i think about each sentence, feeling as though i haven't said it. it's been 2 months since smoking. yes, i believe drugs can have somewhat of an effect on your psyche.. though not permanent. i think these things will pass; mine have been getting better. just stay clean for a while longer.
Acid and E? Yeah, that's not too good This is why I never did more than weed (and stopped that soon enough). Well, if it is really bothering you you can see someone about it. That's not really bad. I almost went to see someone about some crap I was having after smoking pot.
