i'm so tired of my life. this isn't the way things was supposed to be. i'm sick and afraid of peope and it feels like my life is running down the drain. i want to see things, experience things, meet people... live! i want to travel, work abroad and just see the world. i don't want to be stuck in one place like now. i live in a snall town wich i hate, go to a work for bascetcases and drunks who can't deal with a regular job. i don't even have to go there if i don't feel like it wich i mostly don't. in some ways my life is fine. i have all the time in the world to paint and do whatever i wanna do. the prob. is that i can't do everything. i'm paranoid and weird so i can't work. i could never manage that. i wanna live the real hippie lifestyle. just see the world, be spontaneous and go wherever i wanna go whenever i want to. what the fuck shall i do?! i can't live like this! i've allready lost three years of my life due to tbis mental problem and i don't wanna loose more time! i'm going to scotland for like ten days this summer but it's to little. it's just a vacation but i want my entire life to be an adventure. sorry i'm whining but i'm desperat, sick and tired and i need advices for alternative ways of making money so i can support myself for at least a couple fo months if i hit the road to se the world.