4 years ago...oh my god i can't believe it's been 4 years......my dad killed himself......since then i've kind of been brushing it off, not dealing with the pain i have from it. Recently now that i'm doing this whole rediscovering myself thing, and finding out who i truely am, i'm hurting more and more that my dad doesnt know me. And i'll never have the chance to know him like i would have wanted to. I feel so unimportant that my dad took his life away from me. Didn't he wanna see me grow up? Didn't he want to know what i was gonna do with my life? At a time where I didn't care about anyone but myself, my dad needed to be cared about more than anything, and i blew it off. Now that i'm older, and i value the importance of relationships with people, i'm devestated that i'll never be able to bond with my dad. I'm just like him now....he was always so different, so crafty, so unique, and weird, and just everything that i am. It kills me that he felt he was so different from everyone, that he felt the need to take his own life. I want my old hippie dad back.....there's so much we could have done together that will never happen....the one thing missing out of my life, is someone who understands me word for word, front to back, and that would have been my daddy. I'm just so......hurt.
That is a very sad story. Just push on, there is surely someone out there that can replace at least some of those things you lost with him.
Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. try not to blame yourself for your dad taking his life, there is no way it was your help. you are going through a hard time, let people help you through it, and live not a life of regrets, but more a life of happyness
I feel for you. Mine kicked the bucket when I was 15. I was numb for a few years over it then it was like BAM! All the feelings hit me at once. Just try to be strong and don't get TOO pissed off at him ( a little pissed off can be a good thing). Have you been able to say good bye yet?
You should allow yourself some time each day to think of him, or even talk to him; I believe in the presence of I guess you would call them spirits. Carry on all of the things you love about him and beautiful memories of him will live forever. Also maybe you can talk to a counselor that can help you . PEACE AND LOVE
Lost my dad when i was 12. I still miss him alot and i'm 43 now. I can remember times when I used to think maybe it was just not real, that maybe he's actualy alive but in hiding or something. There are alot of reasons why a person maybe driven to want to end it all. Whats truely sad though was that he did not have someone there at the time to remind him of the reasons why he could not end it. I'm sure if someone poked him in the ribs and say " hey man, she's going to need you alot in the coming years" that me may have thought twice about it. What ever the reason he needed to do this though, I'm sure he did love you, he was just so lost himself that he forgot his way home. At least from where he is now he'll always be near you in spirit. Every breeze, every drop of rain he'll be there. Chin up hun, you need to live your own life now . make him proud of you and all you can do. (( hugs ))
I lost my mum at the end of 02 and my dad 03... talk to yours like I do mine... it's one way that helps me try to carry on... I also have MS.
