I feel it's a good way to release anger, and express my self hatred without hurting anyone. yet everyone takes the wrong way and wants me to stop. I've been suicidal and depressed since I was 7, it's just who I am.
From what I have read, I take it that self harming only temporarily makes one feel better. I don't know how you feel, but I do know from experience that the effort to search, to find out why you feel the way you do, is more than worth it when you finally figure it out...even if it takes years. And when you figure it out, it will last a lot longer than self harm. http://mobile.us.reachout.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fus.reachout.com%2Ffacts%2Ffactsheet%2Fdeliberate-self-harm&utm_referrer=#2707 http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138980 http://cumaeansibyl.tumblr.com/post/19708557928
I understand some of the reasons people feel release when they cut. What I don't understand is that it's become popular in middle school. There are 12 year olds cutting and they can't tell you why. It's like it has become a right of passage or to prove you have an impressive amount of drama in your 12 year old "relationships".
I just walk up to a tall mountain, raise my fists and scream, growl and howl at the sky while shaking my fists to the air.
As I understand it, cutting is an effort to feel something...anything...for those whom have become numb; to address anger and self-loathing, not so much.
It's also a way to release pain and anger that you can't release in any other way. Not only for feeling numb.
I've read a little more about it. It makes sense to me. Everyone finds a way to cope with their feelings/life/situation. I take it that's one way of dealing with feelings. I just wonder if resolving certain feelings could would lead to a life without self harm. I've not been in the situation, so I can't know. I do know that other problems can be resolved through investigation and learning though.
I just worry about people who cut themselves. My ex cut herself before we got together. She had little scars all over. It's worrisome...if you can go that far to hurt yourself, how far are you willing to go? It's not just that you like scaring and worrying people, is it?
I used to self harm for various reasons. I went through a period where I felt like I had no control over my life; cutting gave me a feeling of control. It also temporarily distracted me from all the whirling thoughts crammed in my head at the time; being distracted from my thoughts felt like I was being released from them; in that sense cutting was a release. I also had a period of low self esteem/ high self loathing; cutting was a form of self punishment. After a couple of years or so I finally got round to dealing with all the crap in my head and got myself back on track. Self Harming isn't a long term solution, nor is it a healthy short term solution; plus it creates problems of its own. I'd never recommend it but can understand why people do it.
When I was a teenager I tried cutting, and then I found self-phlebotomy. I would watch my blood pour into the sink, until I got fairly lightheaded. Years later, I was diagnosed with Hemochromatosis--the irony. Pun was intended LoL.
Cut and slice away with a steak knife, hit yourself in the ankle with PVC pipe, razor blades all up underneath the finger nail bleed and make another cut? Fuck it might as well. Table spoon of salt in the open wound, if it don't burn you don't know what you're doin. If you fail just return to the start, self mutilation is a beautiful art.
