All my time spent with MDMA was generally incredible and very fun. But I have bad feelings about it. I get particularly stupid when intoxicated with party substances. I've done quite the number of stupid embarrassing things with alcohol. I've done a number of stupid things on weed in social situations. And I've also done a number of really stupid things on MDMA in social situations. Getting over the stupid shit I've done drunk is pretty easy. Generally I get over it the day of. I was drunk, everyone knows I'm drunk, it's a given someones gonna do something stupid and embarrasing, big deal. Marijuana is in a similiar way for me, although, I am pretty well behaved on weed these days, as it doesn't get me so out of my mind like it used to. But I'd generally get over stupid things done on weed the day of. MDMA though. I can't. It's been like well over a year, nearly 2 years, since certain experiences I've had. But the memory of it pops right into my head so often, and I just hate the memory. I think so poorly of myself because of these memories, think of how stupid could I be, how could I of done that. Now, my actions themselves were not anything particularly worse than what anyone would do while drunk, I've done more embarrasing things drunk, which I've long gotten over. But I can't get over these MDMA memories, and I think it's because unlike alcohol, MDMA burns the memories so deeply into your brain. So they keep coming back to me. Honestly, some of these memories have been a source of depression for days at a time. I hadn't had any MDMA in months, years, theres no physical problems. But these memories burned into my head cause me to think poorly of myself. I really don't know what to accomplish here, as I know theres no real specific advice anyone could give me. But I am just curious has anyone experienced a similiar thing? Certain less-than-glorious memories burned so deeply in your brain that keep resurfacing after months and months?
of course, and they have nothing to do with mdma imo. i sometimes think of really stupid things ive done sober or not, and just have to understand that's one thing i went through to be who i am today. it sucks when it pops into your head and you get that feeling of shame and dissapointment, but lots of people have done lots worse things.
I didn't experience that with MDMA, but I remember when I was a youngster (probably like 10) I didn't lock the bathroom door when I was in a porta-potty and a girl that I had a crush on in my class walked in and told everyone. That stuck with me for a while!
Damn. can you give an example? like saying what you really thing of someone to their face, or like trying to make out with your friends girlfriend? Or like driving into a pool? I just did 1.5 points of good molly for the first time, and I definitely said some things I shouldnt have, but nothing regrettable. It seemed like all my inhibitions went out the window, and I did everything I wanted to. I can see how that could be regrettable, if it got out of hand.
I can sort of relate to what you're saying; I've never really done a particular action I regretted but I have opened up way more than I normally would, almost to the point of too much. The feeling that stuck with me though wasn't guilt per se, it was more of embarrassment for having been seen so vulnerable. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find even a decent pressed pill, let alone get my hands on molly ever for about 2 years now, though the one thing I did learn was to be very choosy w/ whom you consume it with which I certainly will do if I get the chance again!
get over the social aspect of it. I used to be embarrassed and ashamed when people started to find out that the stupid things I did intoxicated were MDMA induced. eventually I just got over it though. the problem is that MDMA has been built up as something that it isn't. don't feel like a bad person because you do it. I've yet to hear anybody say that they've gotten spiritual insight from something like cocaine. I've never heard somebody say that heroin changed their life for the better. ecstasy is a great substance. what you've been told is what makes have the negative feeling toward what you've done. you just wanted to have fun. all you need to think about is that you were having a great time and did something that seemed fun at the time. you can only look back and do 1 of two things: feel ashamed, or smile and realize that you had a great time.
