I have no self-confidence

I have absolutely no confidence in myself. It sucks because it makes me look like a total choad around girls. Every time I think about saying something or doing something around a chick, I get really nervous and go into this self-defeatist attitude where I think "No, you should just keep your mouth shut to avoid looking like a douche". Which leads me to being completely reclusive and shy around women. I've never had a girlfriend, because I can't initiate a conversation with them, especially if I find them to be attractive. It's really starting to make me feel depressed, more than I've ever been before. I've seeked some professional help in the past, but I didn't find it very helpful, and I refuse to get a prescription to benzo's because I know I will get addicted to them.

Well, that is my confession. How do you gain confidence in yourself?

 

You have to train yourself to be self confident. If you have a negative thought pattern about yourself, you're never going to get out of that funk. You're smart. You're funny. I'm sure you good looking. Dammit man, why should you have no self confidence??

 

Just be yourself- who gives a shit what girls think, I've found that women can tell when a guy is being fake, do the thing you do best, any woman worth having doesn't care what you look like they care about who you are, what you stand for and that kind of stuff. Don't be afraid to say something, even if its the wrong thing, as you go you will figure out that people like conversation so who cares what it is about.

 

Girls would rather have a guy that seems like a douche then a weird kid who dosent talk, girls like confidence, so just be full of yourself for awhile

 

Welcome to my world...

 

eh, your not too bad off.

I think Im just too freekin lazy to be bothered with dating, sounds like hard work. you know, having to take her places, do things with her. Having to try an figure out all that emotional mumbo jumbo, its a dificult task for most guys but im particulary retarded in the aria. then shes eventually going to want to marry, have kids, spend all your money, drink your beer, eat your food. and blah blah blah. its all just one big head ache.


I"ll be doing things like spending my cash on guided hunting safaries in africa. while the "guys who got he girl" will be spending all thier money on food and diapers for the kids.

 

who couldnt relate to this at one point in time or another.

i have NO self confidence (not jus around chics) and very negative self imagery. downward spiraling thought patterns, impulsive behaviors, i cut myself, i hate myself.
it's hard to jus GIVE yourself confidence, i dont know if it's possible.

girls suck, they jus end up getting pregnant behind your back and trying to get your best friend to raise the child as his own when you know you screwed her everyday the week the baby was conceived. Stupid baby-wanting sluts......

 

Crackforkids,


I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and also to the guy who started this post, but don't generalise about women. We're not all baby-wanting sluts! Me, for a start I don't want kids at all and probably won't have them. It just doesn't appeal to me and even if I did I would never get pregnant without discussing it with my man first. It's should be a joint thing after all it takes two. So don't generalise - it would be like me saying all men go around trying to sow their seeds as much as possible and as soon as a woman gets pregnant - they bugger off to the next one. Obviously I know that is not usually the case.

 

I believe that because of how hard I was raised, nothing
intimidates me, I can and have walked right up to any girl/women
I want without hesitation, I'm probably going to sound concieted
right now, but I've been approached more than I've approached,
my last girl friend of 4 years was at the time a waitress at an
Alcapolco's (sp?), I said, "Your pretty, do you have a boyfriend?",
she said, "No" I replied, "Want one" within four hours we had sealed the
deal and it was exclusive for 4 yr's, What happened? you may ask,
well I'll tell you, after a day at the beach, we we're kicking at a "Chuy's"
and she said out of the blue, "I want a ring or I'm gone", apparently
see had been taking advice friend my so called friends, anyway, breeding
is all fine for who ever wants to do that for thier life. Confidence, hummm
I make my own cash (Leagally), I drive what I want, travel where and when
I want, I play guitar, fly airplanes, I don't know what you do in life, but just
be your self, don't be a poser, and I've found that most people, girl or guy,
like to talk about them self's, so don't worry so much on what to say, simply
ask her about her self and you'd be good for at least 20 min's haha, to sum
it up!, what's the worse that could happen?, rejection? JOKE!, in life man,
if you don't ask, or step to the stage once and awhile, you'll never know
life in general and that would truly suck! Peace and good luck.

 

Thanks all for the encouraging words. I am slowly trying to convince myself to feel confidence, though it's not the easiest thing in the world. I'm thinking about going to see a therapist, to see if there's other alternatives than prescription drugs. I know that it's going to take time, but I'm hoping that things will start looking up for me.

 

I used to have the worst confidence in the world, but I have found that as I've got older I've become more confident in myself. I think when you're like 20 and younger you worry about trivial things that you think people will notice or know about you. Understandable I guess, if you (like me) was made fun of at school particularly in your teens. It's something you can't shrug off overnight. But as you get older, you'll find that you'll mature and stop caring about these little insecurities you currently have. You will move in to different stages of your life and have more important things to think about.

I find now I can rise above a lot of things now and the best thing I EVER learnt is to not care about what people think. If people can't accept you than fuck em. Whoever you are not everyone will like you but as long as you're comfortable in your own skin - that's all that matters! Remember you along with everyone else are evolving constantly and growing, so you never completely stay the same person. I bet when you're 23, your outlook on life with be different.

One tip: Surround yourself with genuine people who make you feel good about yourself. Don't worry about having all the friends in the world. Most people can only count their true friends on one hand! Quality NOT quantity!

Sorry, if I sound like you Gran here, but it's true, well it certainly has been for me.

 

well thats not good,the first person to be your friend is yourself

 

I'm having the same difficulty. I'm not depressed like I used to be, I have good days and bad days. I have horrible social anxiety though; I cannot talk to strangers. When I'm standing in a line or somewhere social I get really anxious and fidget a lot. I feel like people look at me like I'm a cracked out degenerate... somehow foreign, different, and perhaps even dangerous. I see good looking girls who may even be interested in me and all I do is get really fucking uptight and anxious. I cannot approach for the life of me; then I beat myself into the dirt for being a coward. My only friend is my sister and her boyfriend of 5 years. Pathetic as it is, they are genuine people and I feel comfortable around them. I go out with them and their friends quite often but people never get past the acquaintance stage with me. Everyone thinks I'm cool and some even try to become my friend. I cannot open up to them though and I always keep my distance. So I abide my time at home alone... usually stoned and in deep thought.



When I was younger this lifestyle didn't really bother me much. I was angry and resentful towards society and people. Now that I'm growing older though I see how many wasted years I've spent. Never had a serious girlfriend, never had a full-time job, never went to parties in high school etc. I had fun, I won't deny that. I spent most of my high school years drugged out of my gourd and living the life of the degenerate loner. I can't help but think that I missed out though; I know I'm missing out.



I think the problem stems from moving to this city 7 years ago. I went from being the popular kid who had all the potential in the world to the shy kid with no friends. I basically isolated myself more and more over the years. I have a massive wall and I don't know how to get over it.



Change is not easy and it has caused me seemingly years of anguish. I figure that there isn't much I can do though; just keep abiding my time. In time I will change and new dilemmas will arise. When sick enough with my situation I will change.



The advice I have heard in order to talk with the ladies is talk to every lady you see. Start with the ugliest fattest girl you can find; one you're comfortable with. You don't have to pick her up, just chat with her, make her feel like a fucking princess. Once you're comfortable approaching such ladies, approach a better looking one and so on. It sounds like it would work. It hasn't for me but I haven't put too much energy into it. I've tried the alcohol bit but I always seem to end up slobbering in the corner with a mind full of sadness. The other night when on the way home from the bar I said I was going to go into the forest and freeze to death. I felt doing it. I'm a fucking coward.

My sister built me up though, I'm lucky to have her.