I have no idea how to be passionate

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lynsey, Dec 21, 2005.

  1. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    or romantic. I am so not that type and im afraid im going to blow it because i am too nervous to even email somone i really like because im afraid im going to come off as cold or like im not interested. how can i get over my shyness and break old habits by realizing that not every guy is going to play games with me or lose interest? i am seriously so pertrified of being hurt after my last relationship and how long i let things go on and comformed to his idea of what healthy was. how do i get over this? and dont tell me i need time because love and the right person never come at the right time.
     
  2. IronGoth

    IronGoth Newbie

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    All men play games.

    We start out being honest, but learn real quick you like games, so OK, we do what we can to accomodate you.
     
  3. andyundo

    andyundo Member

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    Have casual sex every once in a while. You'll learn new stuff on the way.
     
  4. adelic86

    adelic86 ~Music!~

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    well there is no right or wrong way on how to do stuff really, each person is going to think differently on how you do things, im no expert and this kinda stuff but yeah,
     
  5. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    i don't like casual sex. i have to love the person in one form or another or else my parts tense up and it's really painful and i cant let them finish so casual sex or sex with somone i don't love juust doesn't work for me.
     
  6. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    no some men are just so insecure and fucked in the head that they are unhealthy game players to try and improve their self-esteem they impose those games on you. Most men aren't game players the only long-term relationship ive been in where the guy was mentally unstable and insecure enough to play constant games was my last one, hence my not knowing how to respond to insane niceness and sincerity now. It's been a long time since someone's repeatedley told me how wonderful they think i am and im so damaged that i don't know how to respond back to that. you don't realize how much somone fucked you up until you gt out of the situation.
     
  7. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    You probably need time. Love and the right person may not come at the right time, but the chances of you being ready for them when getting out of a horrific relationship is slim to none. What are you going to do if things start to kick off with a new guy and something he does or says reminds you of the ex? For all his being the right person, soulmate material and so forth, it won't work. Your defenses will push him away to protect you.

    On the other hand, maybe you're almost ready, but just have a big problem opening up... there are ways to get past that, to work through it, but not knowing you at all, I don't know which way is right for you. That disclaimer aside, the method is something like this: go out for a walk in a busy part of town, when you see someone attractive, make eye contact and smile. If that's too easy, compliment them on something they're wearing or what-not. If that's easy, engage them in conversation.

    If none of that works, I would personally suggest a psychologist... I went to one myself for this exact same thing and it helped immensely.

     
  8. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    thanks that's a really nice and appreciatted response:)
     
  9. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    I did it! I returned the opening up favor and am ever so glad I did and didn't learn bad habits from unhealthy people. I just feel so stupid for not believing there was 'better' people out there for me and am ashamed ay myself for putting up with abusive crap for so long when there's so many nice guys out there. To all women-don't stay in a crappy situation because you're afraid to see what else is out there because when you finally leave it's a great, freeing and empowering feeling to know you'll never be mind fucked again but I am grateful because I know what to look out for in men in the future.
     

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