i dont even know why im posting this. im not sure what i expect to gain. i just like to post here somtimes i guess. anyhoo. basically this is a mental illness where you're excessively concerned with and unreasonably unsatisifed with yr appearance. it sounds like no biggie but it can lead to: obsessive compulsive disorder major depressive disorder social anxiety disorder chronic low self esteem avoidant personality disorder dependent personality disorder all of which im currently suffering from...i know right, i should just off myself now huh. oh and on top of all that im also suffering from limerence. if you dont know what that is you should google it cos its really quite something. anyway this is all starting to impact my ability to maintain relationships, perform academically and such. i decline all social invitiations. i just like to lie in bed and do nothing. maybe listen to music. and so thats pretty much what i do. wallow in self-pity. and its weird cos even though im aware of all this; it doesnt seem to have empowered me with any ability to do anything about it. its like im glad to be sad. like im almost proud to be so fucked up. which is pretty fucked up in itself. anyway substance abuse is lookin' pahretty pahretyy goood right about now. or suicide. either one is fine i guess.