I have a problem with my girl.. need opinions...

I just got back with the girl I plan to spend the rest of my life with. We were together for a while, and took a three month break cause of some shit she was going through. Anyway, we are back together, and everything is great. We have decided not to spend as much time together as we used to if we didn't want to. We spend a lot of time together at sleep together at each others houses most nights. Anyway, onto the problem. We both have many of the same friends, we at least know each other friends well, if we don't hang with them much. I have my group of friends that she knows but doesn't spend much time with, and vice versa, and then a group of people we usually hang with together a lot. I am good friends with a few girls, and one of my exes, and my gf knows that. She trusts me, and I won't do anything to break her trust. I always stay in touch with her while with my friends, and whatnot. We really communicate a lot. Anyway, she has a LOT of guy friends, several that she used to date. I trust her too, I know all of them and trust them too, but sometimes when she is with them they start spending like all their time together and she forgets to call me ad/or won't answer my calls and texts. Like tonight, we were supposed to meet up at 8 pm after she left her friends house. She hasn't called yet and hasn't answered my texts. I am not worried about her cheating or anything, but this always happens, and I have that feeling in my stomach, like worried and a little angry. I have told her about my problem, and I call her when I say I will and all that. But she doesn't. And right now I am tearing myself apart about why she hasn't called. I know some of you will say give her space and all, but it isn't lie that. we both have all the space we want, and plenty of freedom. We both do our own thing and spend time together how we wish to. I know I am a bit of a worrier, I always over think and let doubts and fears build up in my mind in times like these but it's because I care. What to do? I just want to say that I don't want her to hang with the guys she is with now if this is gonna keep happening, but I don't want to take awa her freedom you know? I am very trusting of her and have no reason not to be, but if I let go so much that it hurts me, should I do it?

 

The problem I see here is the inconsistency; you are consistent about calling her and letting her know what's going on, and she is not. You have talked to her about it, and she still is inconsistent. Not that it is a major problem in and of itself, but it demonstrates a slight lack of respect.

Maybe she would rather not have to "check-up" with you... so therefore maybe you shouldn't call her in similar situations.

Talk to her again and see exactly how she feels about the situation. Don't make it sound like your are controlling, but tell her you get worried "because you love her so much" or something like that!

Good luck

 

hey!
you sound like a really nice guy. also, a smart guy, and you already know that you're a bit of a worrier. i agree with zero above in saying that the real problem is a lack of respect. her not meeting you on time is disrespectful, unless she has a very good reason. you respect her by calling her when you say you will, meeting her when you say you will, etc, and that is thoughtful of you.

you almost sound worried that you love her more than she loves you? i think you need to remember that she's with you for a reason. however, she needs to understand that when she says she'll meet you, or call you, at a certain time, it is inconsiderate of her to lose track of time or trail off with friends for an hour later than planned.

you saying, "I just want to say that I don't want her to hang with the guys she is with now if this is gonna keep happening, but I don't want to take away her freedom you know?"

the problem is absolutely NOT with the guys she's hanging out with right now, it's with her lack of respect. you already said you trust her not to cheat, and you trust them not to try anything, so it's unneccessary to bring them up anymore.

you need to sit her down kindly and explain that these repeated blow-offs are really bothering you, and she needs to understand that it's inconsiderate and rude of her to continue it after you've told her time and time again.

your sending numerous calls and texts could look a little clingy, also... and your regular talk of "we have freedom and space" makes it sound like you're too aware of the fact...make sure that you're not relying too heavily on her.

good luck dude! much love to you!

 

Well we talked last night. I figured out why I worry so much sometimes and stuff. We are both very flirtyand affectionate with each other usually, and after she hangs with her friends or when I am with her with them, she turns that off, like totally sometimes. Thatmakes me think there is something wrong. As far asthe calling me thing goes, she is going to do better. She told me she is really confused and a little furstrated with things right now. With her ex, she wasn't allowed to hang with her friends ever. She enjoys her new freedom and wants to spend much more time with them to catch up, but says she feels bad for leaving me out some, and knows she won't be seeing me as much for a while. I understand and I told her to take time apart from me if she wants, I don't have a problem with that. I just want to make sure things get back to normal between us when we are together. I want her to be her normal self around me and be affectionate like she used to be, and act normal and not regret things. SHe has a big problem with avoiding problems sometimes, and letting them grow too big. I help her a lot with this. We never argue, and always discuss problems rationally and systematically, until we solve the problem mutually. Also, she tends to act weird and standoffish when she has something on her mind, which is contributing a lot to the problem now because itconfuses me. Anyway, any more advice would be welcome. Thanks!

 

I feel kinda weird posting something since im only 16 but i kinda know how it is..my boyfriend used to always call later then he said he would..like several hours later and all that..he talks to his ex girlfriends and has girl friends but doesnt hang out with them..anyways..you have already talked to her and she knows that it bothers you so you are ok there but calling and texting her isnt a problem and wont make you seem to clingy unless you do it constantly..i know you want to give her space and freedom but you also want to spend time with her to so you should set certain days where she will go out and all that..some people act weird when there is something on their mind and its good that you realize that she is being different and when she does that just ask her what is wrong and if she says nothing try not to push it out of her because that irritates alot of people...you sound like a very understanding and nice guy but dont be to nice because if you are always like oh its ok baby then she will realize that she can get away with alot of crap and might start doing all that stuff more frequently..if she continues to do it let her know how much it bothers you and that you would really like her to stop and point out to her how she would feel if you did the same to her..i dont know what else to say..hope that helps you...