I feel like there is a pattern forming.

Let me start out by saying sorry I haven't visited the forums in so long, my computer was dead for like a month or so.

Anyway, I feel like there is this crazy pattern forming between me and anyone I tell my psychotic secrets to. In some shape or form, they leave me a short while after I tell them my secrets.

Austin commited suicide about 3 months after I started telling him the real crazy truths about myself. So there was no way of contact afterwards. Andrew "broke up" with me or whatever it was only a month or 2 after I told him truths. And he's in england and all we did was email so that stopped, so no contact. And my resent boyfriend/best living guyfriend, Nick, broke up with me about a month and a half of knowing my truths. And he's been like avoiding me so its somewhat abandonment because he like runs to avoid me.

This could be me over analyzing this, but I get the strange feeling a pattern is forming and it's somewhat scaring me. I don't know, It's most likely me being crazy, but I'm think I need to stop talking about my crazies.

 

Well hmm... is it that bad? Well why don't you go into details...

 

Very bad. These three were all very important to me. They were like a part of me. I told Austin my secrets because I trusted him and loved him and knew ,well thought, he would help me threw my secrets. Also was the same situation with Andrew.

When I started dating Nick, he was like "Why don't you ever tell me what your thinking about?" and "Why don't you let me in your head?" kinda stuff. Finally after bugging me and bugging me about it I told him some things and he said that they weren't that crazy and that I should threw and actual crazy one at him. I threw him a mild crazy and he was like "oh." and then like half a month later he said "I don't really want a girlfriend right now, but your still my friend and I care about you, blah,blah,blah.."

But we haven't talked to each other sense like wednsday and we used to talk like almost every night.

Iono. I just feel a bad pattern forming that anyone I tell my crazies, leaves me.

 

Well you know guys don't usually like to talk about things anyways at least most of them, I'm good at listening, you can post them or if you don't feel like dealing with negative comments you can pm me whatever it is thats going on in your head I'm sure there are legitiament reasons for them.

 

its not like actual things, it's more like fears and some times occurances.

 

does it have to do with the supernatural?

 

why would you be sorry you havent talked to people on the internet unless you know them personally?

 

i dont think you're crazy. however, you're young, pretty, and it seems like your emotionally vulnerable to these guys. you have to know that you must teach people how to treat you, especially those you love.

 

Hit us with one of these truths.

 

yes.

 

Yeah come on we can take it

 

Really?
Do I have to?

 

Yes you do! Would a game of truth or dare or spin the bottle help?

 

that does sounds quite fun.
hmmm.
Ok, well one of my fears is that I am seriously freaked out to look at my eyes in a mirror. I think I'm that way because I see eyes as gateways to your soul and mind and I see mirrors as pure reflectors and I don't really want to know what I will see when I look at my eyes.

 

lmfao @ no one responding after she said that!!

 

ok that wasnt to bad, you didn't scare me off yet

 

My secrets aren't really 'scaring off'-able. but for some reason when i tell people the stuff I get abandoned

 

You are wise to see eyes that way. Many people don't even believe that eyes are gateways to the soul. Some people believe it, but they don't have the capacity to look that deeply into another person.

Sometimes, being more perceptive and sensitive than most of humanity can be a burden. Ignorance is bliss, but only a very shallow, one-dimensional bliss. Bursting the bubble of ignorance can be painful at first, but it's also the first step towards true freedom.

Just be patient. Give yourself space. In time, you may find that the depths of your being aren't as scary as they once seemed. And when you learn not to abandon yourself, don't be surprised when you find yourself surrounded by people who won't abandon you either.

Travis

 

Don't bare all the blame on yourself. Unfortunately we live in a society filled with narcissistic people who really don't give a shit about you or your problems, unless they can profit off you. Not all people are like that, but i guess that is what you choose to attract. As far as your secrets / problems go....

Let me tell you a secret that will make your problems seem like a trip to Disneyland. Go to a Alcholics or Naracotics Annonomys meeting and listen to some of those people tell their stories. I guarantee that you are going to see people that are fucked up off the charts. They will make your world look like a utopian wonderland.

 

You’re not crazy, but perhaps you shouldn’t speak so openly about any bizarre thoughts you might have (especially to someone you care deeply for)

Instead If you need to express yourself, then share those thoughts and ideas with us poor schleps under the anonymity provided through the internet

Hotwater