I Feel Like A Total Bitch :(

Have you ever found yourself so pissed off at yourself for feeling bad about someone(or something) but unable to change the way you feel?

I feel like I am fighting myself, like I'm at a stand still...I so, so don't want to be hurting anyone's feelings and yet I can't help it.

I never know if I should answer a message or a phone call and then when I do talk I get so annoyed and irritated and want to hang up and I just wish I could somehow get him to stop liking me without being rude to him.

I just feel so trapped by this person being in love with me and I think he shouldn't be. I wish I could just say "there is no reason for you to love me, please stop." and that would actually work.

I'm sure there are things that feel worse, but this makes me feel like such a bad person for not wanting to be with him anymore...I mean it makes me cry a lot, a lot, a lot. I don't sit around crying about things much at all, but I feel for him...

And I feel like a bitch...why can't I just feel the same way?

 

Dude..yes! I love her to death...but ...my mom!!!


She, just, me and her have bad history...got along great til I was a teen and she refused to treat me, at 33, unlike I'm 33. Here's what she did yesterday.. she was supposed to watch Cason...which I do for HER not for me. What I mean by, is (and this bugs me), I never have a babysitter to go do things that is convient to me or that would help me out or let me do something nice for me. But, no, every week, she texts me around Monday and says "So, I can take Cason Tuesday from 4 to 6" ... or whatever..she changes it up. I understand she's busy (two jobs) and wants to spend time with him so I accommodate her but it irritates me a little...and I could take it. Until yesterday.

She let me no on three hours notice that she wanted him that day and said "I can't do it before 4 30"-- at 4 27 I still hadn't heard from her so I texted her and said, very politely "Do you have any idea yet what time you want to get him?"... She wrote back "there in two minutes!"- here's the kicker and where it got back... I had told her earlier "No prob, just text me ten mins. before because I needed to make sure he has his nose drops, Tylenol and shoes and coat on"... so, no ten mins., ... I even had to text her first. Then Case comes into the bathroom where I was and said "I have poopy pants" so I texted my mom and said "please wait ten mins, gt change a dirty diaper and give him his meds, shoes, coat, etc"....

She wrote back "I'm here"... So, I called her to explain I'd be right down and she said "Im cold... how long?"... I tried to explain what I had to do and she interrupted me over n over n over...and would say "stop talking on the phone and get him ready now!!"

now im getting mad ... she didn't know I was changing him one handed at record speed. my heart pounding for HER
assholeishness. I bring Case down, without his meds or shoes or coat, and say to her in her car "Hey, we'll just be two fast mins!" ... or I tried to, she was too busy saying "Trish, can he come out or not!!!" So I have to raise my voice just trying to get the woman to listen and she's like "don't yell at me!!! when should I come back?" and I had enough.."if you leave and can't wait two mins when I asked you for ten mins notice then don't come back and thanksgiving is off w you" (my mom n me have had history of her being a bitch to say the least)...
so.. she left...
then she started blowing up my cell with texts and calls and calling the house. cason didn't wanna go over there anymore. "nana is mad" he'd say. But finally I picked up and said "talk to cason, if he wants to come over, he can go"...they did. he went. im glad. cason had wanted to go over. he loves him nana.
but really?

She texts me today all kissing my ass wanting me to look up things on qvc like some crazy printer and a cam somewhere ...do I want them for xmas?
Before she made nice I had started an email cutting her off. I have done so many times. I've tried to talk to her many times. This behavior is usual for her. She talks to me in an extremely disrespectful voice. All high pitched, impatient and fake nice. It's the most annoying things I've ever come across.
I love her to death. I do. But shit... I can't take her and can't get along with her.

Just about yesterday... I let her have him once a week as a favor to her... when ever she wants...cancel plans, etc. and shit.. I just needed to get him ready. I can't stand that shit. how fucking rude.

 

I think that you can make the message softer but still get it across. You care about him, you cry about the situation, but you don't want to be with him.

 

Is doing this more or less effective than just biting the bullet and saying "Hey...I don't want to lead you on but this isn't going anywhere and you should move on"?

 

Neways, don't wanna derail from your thread anymore, honey, but shit.. I really feel, and there is WAY more to it than this story..things she's done that have just been plan wrong and I don't know how to explain it other than, kicked out the day I turned 18 for trying acid the first time and just... I'm not a super Christian, so I'm going to hell and I need help for that. Oh Jesus, Jesus.. funny thing Is, she doesn't even know I do have my personal Jesus, but that's on her. She just treats me terrible all over. The disrespect is all over. She has ideas about things I did when I was 17, sticks to them and wont hear otherwise. She wont listen to criticism or ...really, at all. She's been single btw since I was 8 and there's a reason. ALL HAS to be her way. Everything. My brother got along with her cause he was the golden boy but shit, no one else can be with her for long. Although she is fake and does have friends. I mean, she's great in many ways... but she really has issues that I hope most ppl solve before 50.

I just feel like... It's all good and fine that she acts like this and is like that, but to expect ME to jump through hoops weekly for her to take my son when it's not helpin ME none... it's ludicrous. I think I may cut her off or give her a time out... for my own sanity... not sure how to go about it but there are just toxic people out there, and for me, it is her.

 

I've told him several times over the past few months. I think he just doesn't seem to know how to let all that go. I've told him it just doesn't work.

Trish, I totally know how you feel. ETA: Yeah you have to set up some boundaries and let her know if she's causing stress in your life, she gets to take some time out of your life. You might try writing a letter or something first, when the conversation isn't heated?

 

So, maybe for me, the more mature, responsible thing to do.. if I don't want to cut her out totally but can't deal with an incident like that again (and the repeated stress is getting to me), is to say something like.. I'd like to try to make a set time and pick something that works for ME for once, if possible. I do feel I have tried to tell her things before and she just doesn't understand. She refuses to accept stuff. But at the same time, she always kisses my ass afterwards. but yea, boundaries..guess I just gotta figure out what they are and email her when I'm not pissed off.

Thanks!

 

Yep...and that's kinda what's going on with my issue too. idk.

But that's really smart on your part...let the visits coincide with your needs/preferences.

 

I didn't mean to sound cold earlier. I meant to sound direct and honest which is what I think you're going to have to do. You just can't live in limbo like this. It isn't fair to either of you. If you know things won't change...the sooner you deal with it...the better for all involved. Just my two cents. I wish ya the best.

 

Until you decide to take this person out of your life the cycle will continue as you both are still getting something out of it.

You need to figure out what that something is for you and decide or not to change it.

 

So I think you may have to sound like a broken record with him for a little while. I care about you, I'm crying about the situation, but I don't want to be with you and you have to accept that. You might want to recommend counseling to him. Someone who can't be complete as a person without being with someone else is dysfunctional and needs to work on themselves.

After sounding like a broken record, if it doesn't sink in with him, then I think you just have to stop talking to him altogether. If he keeps trying to call, you may have to threaten/go the restraining order route.

I feel for the guy, but you just can't force someone to be in relationship with you when they don't want to. Learning to be ok with being single sounds like the step he needs to take in order to become someone who can be in a healthy relationship.

 

Well, I guess I don't/didn't see the point in completely removing someone from my life. I mean we rarely talk and I would like to be on speaking terms with him to be able to say like "happy new year" and stuff like that...also maybe I want to make sure he's okay, so I don't want to completely let go because I know he's depressed about it and I worry.

However, I tried to explain myself and there seems to be some progress. He did recently talk about all this with a friend of mine, when I wasn't talking to him so maybe he is starting to finally get it. I never know. I have not charged my phone in weeks just so I don't have to feel like I'm ignoring him...

I don't see the point in a restraining order, I don't think he's dangerous at all and I think that'd just make him feel worse.

 

Well, two things..for one, I'm glad I got to vent about yesterday. It really bothered to me what my mom just pulled. So, even if no one felt it.. it felt good. A weight lifted.

And for me...gahhh... you are so right. But when it's your mom, who in many, even most ways, has been good to you... and you've tried to talk to before about it. And you just keep being totally a mix of extreme frustration and also love. She has good sides! But it's a pattern with her. If it was water, not blood. Not even that but blood n not my mom (or a kid).. yea, I'd cut the ties. But, your mommy... you know, lil hard to cut out the toxicity. Really hard.

 

You'd cry all the time anyway. its not cos of him, its called estrogen.

If he wasnt around, you'd still cry all the time at toilet paper commercials, the end of NCIS, the dog whimpering next door, little baby booties in walmart

 

I'm so happy to see you here VG.

And actually, no I don't cry easily at all...it's called individualism.

As a matter of fact there's really nothing that I cry about besides hurting other people.

 

Ignoring any males comments on pms and bitches and all that shit (not this thread, lol)... I was soo glad to wake up with aunt flow today. Tension...gone. Like an opiate. LMFAO.

xx.

 

Really good idea. And that's how I feel when I get a visit too.

 

But seriously, arent you talking about your ex again, father of your child, or the guy after him. I cant remember exactly, but one you've been with for a while.

Not hard to cut the cord if you really want, but youu dont really want

 

I really wouldn't let it bother you too much. It's not your problem if he can't let go, it's his problem. If the bottom line is that you don't want to be with him then that is the bottom line.

That being said, I find one technique is to find them a new person (subtly) ^_^

 

I see this a lot with guys that they fall apart and play on the heart strings of the woman that no longer wants to be with them. It sounds very stressful and it sucks that you are dealing with that. I really don't have any advice. The occasions I have seen males go into that mode it is just too messy to deal with and they can not be encouraged to move on. It's like your killing them. It's sad to see and easy to feel bad for them but you can not be held hostage by it. Hope it gets better.