I Dont Know How To Express My Sexual Desires....

Quick back story, Im 26 got my first date at 24 and first kiss at 25. I was severely made fun of by everyone in high school and have had severe social anxiety ever since. I have tried all the stops when it comes to meeting and talking with girls and still for the life of me cant get a girl to actually like me. I have been doing nothing but online dating because it is the easiest for me yet i only get a message maybe once a month or less but when i do the girl really likes me. The most recent said she loved guys with red hair and thought I was handsome etc etc.....We met up and the second night we were making out and she said she was tired so I went home. She will still text me every so often to say how handsome i am but every time I ask if shes free or i ask to do something she puts it off or says shes busy, but then tells me shes lonely some night or whatever....this is how all the girls ive met treat me and ive gotten turned down every time once I made my attraction known. So over the last year ive put zero effort into showing interest just in case because I dont want to come off as needy.

So apparently since I have been so late in the development area of dating through no fault of my own. I am apparently missing some cue's or something and what ive come up with is that maybe these girls were waiting for something more but I was unable to express myself in a sexual way? From the way i was treated growing up i was always told being sexual with a girl or showing sexual interest was wrong, and that you had to be in a relationship before you could even kiss them. So I tried showing my interest in girls that way.....which didnt work.......I was called a creep etc etc....during my college years i didnt even talk to girls because by then I thought literally i just wasn't good enough for any of them to go out with, so I spent up until I was 24 beating that into my head. I was truly at a point where that notion was a fact in my head. When I became confident in my career I finally asked a girl to dinner who i liked and she said yes! Later I found out it was only because she just wanted to be nice to me.....so that was my first date......it was lie. Ive been going through the same cycles for years now and getting very frustrated. Like with this recent girl....she says she thinks I am very good looking but always makes excuses.....Ive read things where I should present myself the best I can which I do all the time. I wear the best clothes and buy the finest silk ties, I bought a brand new challenger, and I am a fucking airline pilot for Christ sake. But none of these things seem to make a difference. Girls just will not go out with me for more than a week or so. If I can even call it going out. I honestly used to think it was because of the way I looked but recently ive been told maybe its because i dont know how to be sexual..??? The more I thought about it the more it seemed plausible. I have desires and wants but was taught and always though they were wrong to express. When im with a girl all I know how to do is kiss her and that's only thanks to the one girl who showed me how to kiss. Im afraid to take it any further without her permission, but people say I should be going alot further especially at my age, but I just dont know how. Could this be the case or is there something else wrong here? I would love a relationship but would like if a girl would at least stay around for a month or so before she makes her decision. I dont know and am confused especially with this latest girl, what do you guys think?

 

You must learn how not to be pussy whipped, young Jedi

 

thanks Ben, but this aint like dusting crops

 

None of those things matter . Uglier, unfashionable, less reputably employed people are able to find partners.

You've already said it yourself, you don't know how to be sexual. That sounds like the problem.

Alcohol may help.

 

Ehhh, ive been drunk and still too shy to do anything....

 

Never too late to remould yourself..

 

Yes, but the question I deal with is how?

 

I think this is something you are going to have to explain to the girls you like possibly. There is nothing wrong with saying "I was raised to think this is inappropriate so I don't really know what I'm doing here". Something like that would sound very endearing to me. It also opens it up for the girls to show you what they like. This of course won't work on all girls, might freak some of them out even, but those aren't the ones you want to be bothering with anyways.

 

Know what you want? want to be like, say? then do it!

try it, refuse to go back, re educate yourself, become interesting. Get a make over..red heads are interesting, if they are, just like blonde, brown...dont use the red head thing as a cover...being with a woman is not a necessity, give your self a break..

 

you need to get in touch with the caveman inside you. nobody cares about your job or your car man, and you need to stay far far away from the women who do care about them. the girl who keeps texting you about how handsome you are . . . stop asking her out on dates and next time she texts you like this say that you think she's delicious and you're on your way to pick her up so you can ravage her in a nice hotel. this is all about your character and whether you can be the man for a woman. it sounds like you're just too polite and careful. you need to make them wet with anticipation and then actually rip their clothes off for them sometimes.

 

Also isnt the goal to not let your interest show so you dont seem invested and therefore needy or clingy?

 

Think this through . . . you're having issues "expressing your sexuality" . . . so you think not showing your interest is the solution?

I think you have a lot of mixed up bad ideas about women and relationships. You absolutely need to show interest if you want to go anywhere with a woman . . . playing hard to get is for high school. there is definitely an art to not blowing up her phone and acting like she's the only thing going on in your life, but that comes AFTER you have fully and healthily expressed your sexual interest in her without shame or apology.

Big difference between letting a woman know you want to bed her and appearing clingy . . . you can do the former with just the way you look at her. Just have an active life full of interests and activities and also show a willingness to let the woman into your life, and show a willingness to be let into hers.

Above all else stop playing games, that is the single biggest turn off for both genders. I have a feeling this is why you haven't been successful . . . these games are extremely shallow, immature, and can be seen a mile away for what they are. They also telegraph to your interest that you actually don't know how to have a normal healthy human relationship. I hope to god you're not reading any pick up artist shit. past the building self confidence portion of their works, they are simply manuals for pathological behavior.

 

Actually, there are different ways to pursue a woman. It depends on who they are and who you are. Writer is acting like that being that blunt is the only way to pursue a woman, while unaware that this entitlement approach is very much reflecting a male Taurus way of pursuing a woman, when she might not be into that approach (which according to what you have said, seems to be the case).http://astrostyle.com/love-horoscopes/manstrology/taurus-man/ This approach certainly isn't the only way.

The Scorpionic approach would be much more subtle than that, rather than just trying to tear her clothes off by calling her and saying, "hey, let's get a hotel and fuck." That may be a little too forward for your woman of interest.

You can play games if you want. It depends on the woman. And it doesn't have to be a shallow game. It can be the game of showing many layers of yourself all at once and with a subtle implication that you're interested and that there's a sexual powerhouse just beneath the surface. Some women are turned on by mystique, and get wet by the implication of potential. Not blatant attempts to tear her clothes off. If you play your cards right, she just might want to tear YOUR clothes off. In this way, you allow her to let her guard down, get comfortable, and then get horny all by herself. It's only pathological if you have shitty or selfish intentions. And you definitely don't need the pick-up artist books to have subtlety. Just remain genuine.

There are endless approaches, but never underestimate the art of foreplay via casual conversation.

 

I have read the pickup artists stuff and they say the best way is not to show interest and let the girl come to you. I dont really play games, i just sit back and if the girl is interested in meeting then I will make a date, I will only communicate or text if she does so first and if she stops then its over and I never hear from them again nor do I chase, this has always been the end of dating a particular girl for me, she just .....stops....so I let it go, I understand she doesnt have to like me and im okay with it. However after all these years and so many different girls I think it would be nice to have one stick around for longer than a week or two. Thats my problem. I talk to all my other friends and they say its very easy to get a girl to like you and they just always have women when they want who will magically stick around and text them. One of my friends who is 35 and out of shape says he gets tinder dates and gets laid all the time.....WTF? I get one girl in like 6 months who talks to me!! Im at a point where im physically and mentally exhausted from all this and its frustrating.

 

So you have fallen into the trap of playing juvenile games. "I will only communicate or text if she does so first" . . . that is basically a guaranteed way to not meet women.

Look at it from their point of view. Imagine a woman kind of sort of likes you, maybe thinks you're a little cute, and wants more from you. Yet there you sit, not sending any texts, being aloof and distant, and not initiating anything. The overwhelming message you're sending is that you're either not interested, or you're scared, or you're playing games.

There is a middle path between playing juvenile games of hard to get and being needy and pushy. That middle path is where you will meet women who stick around. It's when you treat them like adults who are your equals, not like objects you have to "game" to somehow trick into wanting you.

You are getting exhausted from the effort you are exerting to not appear to want to date a woman, meanwhile your whole goal is to date a woman. See the problem?

Imagine you now give up this PUA game and actually just talk to women normally and express interest in them. Imagine there is a woman who you text, and she only ever texts you if you text her first, and she never ever initiates anything herself, and she never ever suggests dates or anything, and the moment you stop sending texts, you never hear from her again. What would you conclude? Wouldn't you naturally conclude that she is just not interested in you? That is exactly the message you are sending to women. Women are men too, you know. We think very much alike. Women just have different genitalia and fat distribution. The mind is the same. There is no "trick" to play, no games, no need to treat her any differently. In fact not treating her differently because she's a woman is going to get you a lot of good attention. A guy who doesn't play games, is a straight shooter, goes for what he wants . . . that sticks out a lot. That shows maturity, direction, confidence.

You're not displaying any of these properties. For your own sake please, please, abandon this behavior. I know it's hard because you have to actually put yourself out there and be vulnerable and risk displaying affection only to have it rejected. But if you never display affection, how could anyone accept it?

 

You definitely don't need the pick-up artists book. You just need to gain an intuition of what the woman wants.

I have been the straight-shooter, actively pursuing a woman which actually turned out to push her away. This is why you just have to have an intuitive capacity, and it's not going to be the same for each female.

There isn't one path to take. It really does depend on what type of woman that you are dealing with. Over time, you have to find what clicks for you. You can stick to one specific path, but it hasn't seemed to ever work out for you. Mutability is needed as there are so many different women out there.

Some will want you to chase them, others won't like that. Ultimately you gotta be yourself, though. You can't ever sacrifice your own authenticity just to get a woman.

Sometimes you just have to let go of even pursuing a woman. You need to enter your own fullness and sense of completion, and then being yourself will just naturally attract the right woman to you.

This is how the Universe works. "Things of the same kind follow each other", as the Taoist Alchemical expression goes. You're not just some separate objective object from all that surrounds you. The more that you're one with yourself, the more naturally you will find the right woman without even having to put in a bunch of pursuing effort.

That's the error of trying too hard to pursue a woman. You might end up getting them afterall, but it might not even be the right woman. Are you just trying to get laid, or are you trying to get in a potentially long-lasting relationship?

 

This is all correct, I don't want to play these games yet it seemed like I had to, and the exhausting part is when im constantly planning out when to text and at just what time and everything. But from my point of view I cannot see a girl ever just liking me and wanting me to text or call, it just isnt in my reality because the way i was treated. Im downright petrified to let a girl know I find her attractive and that I want to take her out and kiss her etc etc. Its terrifying. The girl that gave me my first kiss chased ME first....when i texted her one too many times (which hadn't even been for a week), she blew up and told me i was getting too attached and we were only friends blah blah.......she tore me apart and Ive been deathly scared to show interest since.

 

Thank you for explaining . . . I know what it's like to be burned in that sense by a bad experience. There is no shortcut to getting better; you have to put yourself right back in the saddle in the exact same position that you got hurt in last time, only now smarter wiser and stronger, and you've got to push through the fear and do it. Prepare for the possibility of more rejection, that's just life. Try not to be hardened by it too much, just enough to keep it together for the next attempt.

You will know you have succeeded when you open yourself up to a woman while inwardly preparing for an emotional blow, only to have her light up and say that she feels the same way.

A healthy relationship is the best cure for bad preconceptions about love. And those don't grow on trees; so tiptoe out of your comfort zone, lean into the strange, and best of luck to you!