Hello! I'm not sure if anyone remembers me or not but I haven't been on here in a LOOONG time. Anyhow before starting my story I'd like to explain my boyfriend and I. We met 2 years ago in California while we were both traveling separately. Literally from the day we met we haven't split apart...at first we were just friends and eventually became intimate...we started hitch hiking together and eventually I got pregnant. Well everything has been wonderful our daughter is now almost 10 months old...we live a happy content life and he became my bestfriend/companion/lover. Well about 2 months ago he began bugging me and persisting that I let him and his bestfriend of 20 years share me in bed. We (best friend and I) refused. We told him he was nuts and it would be devastating. Well about 3 weeks ago the 3 of us went to a bluegrass festival...we got TRASHED, absolutely wasted and at some point all 3 ended up together, in bed. The next morning I felt horrible about what little I did remember. At first my boyfriend thought he was okay with it but as days progressed he realized he wasn't. Our relationship made a complete turn over...our happy honey moon was over. He became very mean and verbal...calling me a slut telling me that I was whore for saying yes. Well we had agreed to try and work things out for our daughter and to try and continue our friendship with his bestfriend. Once again they've been friends for just about 20 years now...well things continued to get worst...except it was all on me. And to make matters worst our incredible sex life went from 4-5 times a day to absolute 0! Which I understand for this first time in our relationship I was touched by another man. Well last week on Thursday...Thirsty Thursday to be exact I ended up staying at the bar and getting pretty drunk (it was 50 cent drafts!) At some point his bestfriend, whom I hadn't seen since the incident showed up. Well around 130 he offered to take me home since I could barely walk and well we ended up having sex. I feel HORRIBLE. This is not like me at all. I have NEVER EVER even CONSIDERED cheating. Let alone with his bestfriend. I think either I'm pissed at him blaming everything on me so I did this, or its a pretty big indicator that I just don't love him anymore...I know I need to break up with him. That much has been decided...I just can't decide whether to tell him or not. Leave him with a broken heart AND destroy his lifelong friendship. HELP! PLEASE
tough situation. you might want to rethink breaking up, though it sounds like you've already decided. trust is probably gone in your relationship, but it sounds like it was mostly his fault, the first time at least. sometimes there are community services centers that offer low cost counseling. even if you end up breaking up, putting some effort into making a clean break might be worthwhile. if it's an ugly break up, both of you will probably carry the bitterness for a long time, and into your next relationships. I don't know how he feels, but I could imagine him not having any contact with you or your daughter. I think that could be bad for your daughter, depending on what kind of guy he is ending on amicable terms might be best for both of you I can't help but think that he sabotaged the relationship on purpose, maybe he didn't want the responsibilities of being a father? also, a man can't sustain ejaculating 4-5 times per day, every day, year round, without eventually sustaining some negative health consequences. for a young man in good health, it could take a few years for the problems to show up, but they come eventually
yeah, you guys sound like a horrible couple. i don't see what telling him about the cheating would accomplish.
e7m8 thank yo for responding...i want it to be a clean break up. specially because he is someone who i consider my friend and i will always be involved with because of our daughter. and I'min the only, ONLY reason I have been debating telling him is because if he ever cheated on me I would want to know. We were doing really good and were so happy. Even considering getting engaged and now this has happened. It's a devastating situation and I know the best is to end it well for our daughter.
I don't think you should tell him, things are pretty intense at this point. The best thing to do is break it off the relationship immediately because I really don't think you love him the same way or else you wouldn't have cheated. Whatever happened that night when the three of you slept together was and is THE THREE of you's responsibility. I find it pretty stupid how your boyfriend put the blame on you when ALL OF YOU voluntarily did this; let alone the fact that he called you a whore, that's not respect. Both of you were irresponsible and were not as strong as you thought you were as a couple. Take your separate ways and now it's time to think about YOUR DAUGHTER. But If you both still love each other and want to forgive each other then find a way to rebuilt your relationship and the trust and start anew. Good luck.
Thank you so much. This is exactly how I felt. We ALL did it together. I don't think I love him the same anymore...or this situation has me very confused. I have told him I need some space and time apart to figure things out. Number one is our daughter and we are both aware of that.
He isn't being very fair, nice, or even humane to you. It's no wonder your feelings for him are in trouble. I think it's clear at this point that you should've already left him. As far as whether you should tell him or not; it would be much better if you did, then if the friend did instead. One more note: "Which I understand for this first time in our relationship I was touched by another man." I sure don't. Firstly, I assume that you weren't a virgin when meeting him; correct me if I'm wrong. Secondly, he asked for you to be touched by said man.
Yep. and also, no offense, but people have kids way too early. Your situation does suck, i'm sorry for u. I think u should be honest when u break up with the guy. Of course he's gonna be even sadder when he learns the truth, but at least u'll have that weight off your shoulders. (Besides, not that i encourage revenge, but it's not like he stopped to think "oh wait i am responsible too, maybe it will hurt her if i call her a wh*re".)
Honestly, I give you so much credit for recognizing your mistake and knowing what you had to do. It seems that everyone that cheats wants to know a way to get away with it. If you know you love him, then you have to sit down and talk to him and tell him what happened and WHY it happened. You both have to completely open up with EVERYTHING. If you don't want to be with him then call it quits and go on with your life
