when someone owes me money, i don't give a fuck that they're gonna pay me. of course they're gonna pay me, they damn well better. and i don't care how sorry they are about it. i only care about the cold cash they're handing me. until then, they can shut the fuck up about it really though, he's your boyfriend and is obviously sympathetic to your situation. if dean owes me money, i don't fret about it unless i'm really hurting and need some cash paid back. i trust he will hit me back when he can. if i'm in a position to help, i will, because i know the same would be done for me when the situation is reversed
People don't loan money with the notion that they are always going to get paid back. He probably doesn't want a constant reminder that it will be a long while if ever... if you are going to pay him back. When John and I started dating he paid for EVERYTHING and I had an immense amount of guilt. Then we move in together and I have debt and loans and he paid a $600 credit card bill. I said I would pay him back for it and honestly he never has asked for the money. Recently he paid for my schooling at $6,000. Yes it is different because we are getting married, yada, yada, ya. But John said that he would never had lent the money/ paid for things if he wasn't sure I was the real deal. John use to be impossible to talk to about money but with time he shut down his walls. Whatever you do stop forcing the issue on him. You don't want him bottling up and exploding.....So when you have the opportunity pay for things... and hand him some cash here and there. Make a chart of how much you owe him and how much you've handed him in cash.... so he can tell you care. You can't make a person talk if they don't want to. In the long and short of things people forget words but they never forget actions.
anytime money comes up, i know i'm most likely in trouble, so i sit down, shut up and take it like a man.
Haha, KC I know how you feel. I got a call a few weeks ago from John and he yelled at me. He has never yelled before.... ever. Needless to say things have changed dramatically about spending in our house.
Some great responses already here... for instance: Also, I wonder if he really wants you to pay him back and whether the indebtedness is an upper hand he holds in the relationship. If you picked up a second job and was able to hand him the money, how would he react? Is your need for his help and support above his need for your something he wants in the relationship? Just food for your own thought and NOT something to bring up for discussion- at least not now. Good luck Penny.
good point. i sit down, shut up and take it like a dog. which actually makes it sound kinda mean and sad. hmmm. 'kay, like a cat.
yeah, neither of those are quite right. but saying i'll take it like a pig makes me sound fat and there's the possibility of squealing to consider...
yeah but it's all in the eyes, man. Dogs just look so pitiful and remorseful. You can't stay mad at a dog. They look at you with those big brown eyes like all the pain of the world is reflected in them. Before you know it, you'd be giving them something just to get them to wag their tail again. Yeah, take it like a dog! :cheers2: