I can't stand my father....long and ranting

I have never known such an ignorant person who thought they knew so much. He is the most immature being I have ever crossed paths with. He acts like a 4 year old with personality disorder. I can't stand to be around him for a minute.....his demeanor, the way he talks, what dumb childish bullshit comes out of his mouth......there is no real way to describe it........
He cheated on my mother with our next door neighbor while she worked two jobs to support our family. She worked literally from 8 in the morning untill 1 in the morning with both of her jobs. He also cheated again with the same women after she took him back the first time. Then the lady went psycho and was acting crazy to him....threating to kill herself and shit if he didnt marry her. So I guess that freaked him out and all the sudden he was "so sorry" and "made a mistake". And yeah, ,my mom took him back again. She said it was only because of me and my sister, but I wanted her to leave his ass. My sister was too young to remember all this....and I wish I could tell her....but I wont. He never apologized to me for any of this...wouldnt even discuss it with me after I had to be the one to console my mother at 2 in the morning when she was upset and had just finished her workday that began at 8. I got in trouble if I even mentioned her name (even if I was talking about someone else). My dad has absolutley no sense of self. He jumps on whatever bandwagon drives by him. He is only interested in things that either my mom likes or things he sees around him....for instance he just moved to the south in a rural neighborhood and all the sudden he is into hunting (which he used to say was cruel when we lived in the city) and he wears all the hunting gear and puts hunting stickers on his car and blah blah. (I am very against it) And all the sudden he likes country music and think ac/dc is "bad music" or "headbanging music" but yet he used to listen to them! Oh but that was before he moved to the south. He has major social problems....even with his family (us). He speaks to us like he is a drill sergant and we are here to take his orders. He acts as if the world revolves around him. He throws tantrums if he doesnt get his way, or if he says something to my mother and she doesnt right away aknowledge him because she is busy with other things. He will get mad and run up the stairs huffing and puffing and slamming doors and then will make childish remarks and whine about it. He also nags her to get his way....for instance....if he wants something like a new lawn mower, he will ask my mother (because all the financial burden is on her, she has to handle it all because he is too stupid to do so) and if she tells him they cant afford it, he will nag her and whine about it untill she gives in. I am basically the only one in the family that calls him out on all his stupid shit and for that he doesnt like me. If we get in an arguement he will actually say (like a child would) "I dont like you!" and he tries to see to it that I dont get things I need or want. Like if my mom is gonna bring me groceries (cause sometimes I have to choose between eating and rent) he will bitch that she shouldnt spend the money even though he has no idea what the finances are. This happened just last week. My mother (who I love very much btw) was going to bring me some food and he got mad at her for "spending money they didnt have" but an hour later he asked her for permission to buy new sunglasses that cost $100! If my mother takes my side in an arguement he gets mad and pouts for 2 days.He has no personality or good qualities about him...he trys to become the things he sees. He attaches himself to my mother like a leach and follows her around...even at home. He always has to know what she is doing in the house, where she is...etc. He gets mad if she doesnt want to spend her time watching tv with him. He feels neglected and pouts about it. God, I could go on for hours. I know it might seem like I am being nitpicky or critical. I promise I am not like that.....or doing that. I guess what I am trying to get across cant really be summed up in a post...sometimes I dont even know how to describe the way he acts. He is a horrible father. I really wish he was personable, or funny, or smart (he is the least intellectual person ever) or had something in him that I could be proud of and love. Nothing. I know many people dont have fathers around so I dont want to seem like I am being ungrateful...But to be honest I wish my mother would divorce him and he moved far far away. I am now in my own place but moved pretty recently so I guess some of this stuff is still fresh in my mind. I dont know even why am posting all this...but some shit went down tonight and I really need to get this out. I have never told anyone this (except my mother who pretty much agrees but doesnt believe in divorce for religious reasons so she admits that she is "stuck" but tries to make the best of it). Ah......anyway, that felt good. I feel better to get it out and say it. Any comments are welcome but please dont bash me for my personal feelings about my own dad, k?

 

Been there done that, my dad isn't the same but I still can't stand being around him. Guess about all I can do for you is...

((((BIG HUG))))
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mine is far worse so you are going to have to trust me when it gets better with time if you cut him out.

 

PeachesScreams and Lynsey, thank you both for taking the time to read this and comment.

 

it sadens me to read this because generaly girls who are not at peace with their father are never at peace in there realationships
and tend tostuggle to find happiness
please try and exept your fathers for who they are
you dont have to respect them just exept
and your life will be happier for it

 

Maybe I'm just mean, but if he treats his own daughter like shit, I would take every opprotunity to throw that forbidden name all up in his face (not in front of mom though) and tell him what a fake lazy piece of shit he is.

Actually, I can't say I actually would. My mother was a complete phycho bitch who tried to burn down my house and married a man she didn't love because he had money and she let him beat on us and shit. I should probably bring that crap up more often, but I don't. It's hard dealing with shitty parents.

 

i disagree with this. What proof do you have of it. She does except her father already for the idiot that he is.

Why did your mom marry him? Did he used to be better?

 

Dear "Elle" I,m sorry to here you are in so much pain about feelings around your father. The fact that you take the oppertunity to vent is good! my only suggestion to you is try to look at your father like he has a sickness of some kind ,would'nt you feel sad and helpless for a sick person ?your probible saying I know he's sick! but showing compasion is in my experience the only way to win. I not saying you should take any of his shit, but it sounds like he is't going to change his selfish and needy style of thinking untill we has a shift in his life. So try COMPASSION This way if you practice enough, you can be your fathers teacher and model the type of behavour you want him to be like. It's not easy but it can work.remember we can't really change other people we can only change ourselfs and the way we view the world. p.s we don't get to choose our parents but WE ARE VERY LUCKY CAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS!PEACE, SPIKE OUT

 

Thank you all so much for your replys. I really apprechiate them, especially since there is really no one I feel comfortable speaking about this with in my life.
Nevermore98......actually my parents married when they turned 18. They were high school sweethearts and all that. My mother is a very nurturing type of person and very "motherly". I believe that is why she was so drawn to my father as he needed a mother more than a girlfriend (his home life was not the best). So with that said I do understand why he is the way he is....but IMO all the more reason for him not to be the same way to his family. I can't say he was ever "better" before. He has always been selfish and childlike. I think I have reached a point where I just cant handle it anymore. It is bringing me down.....the negative energy is overwhelming. There is so much more that I didnt say in this post........thank you though for taking the time to read it.

Spike.......Yes you are right. Compassion is a great tool. And I understand that these feelings of anger and sadness will have no good effect on me or change anything about him. I have never actually told him how I feel in this context....but we dont have the type of relationship where that is really an option. He knows though....but he does nothing to try to help our relationship. It is almost as if I dont have a father....more like an older brother that picks on me if that makes sense. I do consider it somewhat of a sickness....and I know that I very well could try a little harder myself and be a "teacher or role modle" but I cant help but be resentful of that because I feel like that is what he is supposed to be for me. So in that sense,it is really hard to muster up enough compassion or love to try....at this point anyway....I guess all this has been building up my whole life and I am finally confronting it head on...and its hard to deal. But great advice Thank you

 

You have every right to resent your father's obnoxious behavior and to speak up when he acts like a child. Some men never grow up and it is embarrassing to have to be related to one, I know because my father was a drunk for about twenty five years and he was a liar. Even after he quit drinking he was still such a damn liar that it cost him and our family a lot. I always let him know up front that I didn't appreciate that shit. At least he knew he had some boundaries with me. You should let your dad know what your boundaries are, when he crosses them speak up and when he continues to do it cut off the relationship for a while and at least give yourself a break from that bullshit. No one can continue to treat you like dirt unless you allow it. Be strong.