I feel like i've lost the path in my life. I don't know what i want anymore, i don't trust anyone (even my mum), i'm so cranky and nervous all the time, i jell at everyone, easily get mad, don't recognize me anymore and can't controle my anger. I know where all this came from, but i can't fix it. Over the past year i lost all my best friends, well 3 of them, the most important ones, they all betrayed me. My family has been falling apart, beeng abused by my father, i have been blamed for the disfunctional marriage of my parents, kicked out of home... Changed a school. Going trough some shity stuff in my realtionship, fights, break ups, getting back togather.... the list goes on and on.... So now school is off, i don't speak to my father and that's more or less stabile, i have new friends who really care about me but i still don't want to get too atached, and my relationship is now stabile (at least he is)... ...but i'm not stabile! I'm paraniod, i hear noises and sometimes i feel like i torture my bf even thoy he is the sweetest guy and he is so patent with me... The only people why truly love me stayed by me all this time and i'm such a bitch to them, and i can't controle it! I don't even trust them. I feel so lonley and i don't know what to do with myself.... Help?
You're on the verge of being on your own as an adult. That by itself is enough to make anyone nervous. You'll soon be able to put distance between you and home, but you'll have to endure it for now. These kind of family problems tend to heal themselves with the passing of the years. You are the ripe old age of 17. You've got the rest of your life to heal from whatever life has handed you up to this point. Time is on your side. I would start thinking about what you want to do with yourself. School? Learn some skills, makes some money, do your own thing. Be INDEPENDENT. In that order. Good Luck, x
The previous post holds some good advice. Also, I would like to add that I know now you feel. Sometimes you feel so much pressure that you're so afraid you're being a terrible person to those you love. But guess what (even i had to realize this at one point)? In reality, most likely, you're not being bitchy to them at all! You're just worrying that you are. But, if you have enough faith in yourself that even if you DID lose all your friends or it DID get worse, that you could always make new ones and improve the situation, no matter what it takes. So take some time to reflect. Look within yourself and really ask, "What makes me happy?". You'll be surprised at what you may hear
I know the feeling, but you don't have to continue feeling that way. I don't really know how many times I'll suggest this on different threads, but try yoga and meditating. You might not get immediate results, but with time it will help you keep a clear head.
Being paranoid and hearing noises can be completely normal, but if you're concerned see a professional. Being mean to your boyfriend could stem from any number of things... try to pinpoint what happens right before you're mean to him and what the consequence is afterwards (in other words, how are you being rewarded by being mean to him... you must be getting something out of it or you wouldn't be doing it). If you figure out what happens right before you may gain insight into WHY you're doing it (for example: are you bored? are you trying to avoid becoming closer? etc...)
