I can't go into work today because...

I have no clean underwear.

 

I think I left the oven on.

 

My refrigerator is running... so I need to chase it down the street.

 

I just fell into bed and I can't get up.

 

I haven't got a job.

 

My dog has a headache.

 

I have to bury last night's unsuccessful intruder to avoid a possible legal problem.

 

I refuse to shower, and it wouldn't be fair to my co-workers.

 

You either come to work or you can consider yourself fired.

 

i'm stoned and forgot about work

 

A huge tree fell across my driveway last night and I can't get my car out.

 

I was washing my shoelaces and my cat hid them.

 

I have pink eye.

 

I just sacked my boss.

 

I have a rash...

 

Someone stole my car keys.

 

...I feel so lazy today.

 

The snow here is ten feet deep

 

I haven't taken bath.

 

Because I got high.....