I can't get in a relationship, and it's not cause I'm ugly either..

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Spiritchalist, Feb 17, 2009.

  1. Spiritchalist

    Spiritchalist Member

    I'm apparently quite popular, cute, sexy, and charming.

    I know there's at least a handful of ladies with their eyes on me. But, I always seem to avoid relationships just before they happen..

    I'll have a thing with a girl, flirt like crazy, maybe hook up, but then that's it. I don't know why. It's like I'm afraid of commitment, but I don't think I am. I'm always broke, and feel bad if 'dates' consist of going to the beach or the park all the time, besides, that's only romantic 'till it gets cold out!

    I think it might be because I'm depressed, or any other number of reasons..

    Long story short, I would LOVE to have a girlfriend I have things in common with, and have strong feelings for, but at the same time I'm completely avoiding it for reasons I can't seem to discover.
  2. kmarcher87

    kmarcher87 Member

    I hear you totally. Here's some reasons why I don't want a relationship right now.

    I make 8 dollars an hour. I would feel like a total tool trying to take a girl out when I don't have any money.

    I live at home. I'll be finished college soon and I'll get a good job and my own apartment. But in the meantime I'm not having a girl sleep over at my moms condo. Not cool... her bedroom is right next to mine with very little sound protection (and my mom's very religious).

    I have social anxiety and very low blood pressure (which both exacerbate themselves.) I have an extremely hard time around groups of people (especially in school) which cause my nerves to start going nuts. My blood pressure then goes bonkers and I sometimes end up passing out. The fear of passing out in public then creates MORE anxiety which makes my nerves go even crazier. Doctors say my blood pressure will stabilize in my mid twenties and I'll probably start seeing a shrink for my anxiety after I graduate. But again in the meantime I'm not going to try to take a girl to a nice dinner and be worring about fainting on her the whole time.

    So my advice to you is to take a look at yourself. If you're not comfortable with yourself as a person and a potential boyfriend then chances are that's your problem. That's certainly mine.

    Hope that helped. : ) Good luck man!
  3. missie

    missie Member

    lol you sound like me - but the guy version.

    Yes I have issues with commitment too. I’m shy and lack confidence even though I’m constantly told I’m pretty. It’s annoying and uncomfortable when people make a big deal about it and it’s particular irritating when it’s the first thing they say when they meet me. It’s like that’s not all I am you know…? It’s hard to commit to someone because you don’t know if they are attacked to you because of your qualities as a person or just because they like looking at you.

    When I am in a relationship I want to be interesting to the other person so I’m currently working on improving who I am on the inside. Like qualities of knowledge and creative interest - in hopes that some day someone will see the real me and find that attractive. I want to make sure that they are attacked to me for that reason before I totally commit, that has always been important to me. I’m always keen to find ways for self improvement. Hopefully it will build up some confidence as well.

    Feeling that you don’t or can’t live up to expectations in certain areas in your life can lead to depression. I’ve been there – feeling that you are not enough some how or inadequate, so you avoid commitment in fear that your partner won’t be satisfied with you. The good news is that things change in life, and you have the power to change what and how you see fit. Give yourself some time to develop into the man you want to be – work towards it and you’ll get there !! ;)
  4. moondaddy

    moondaddy Member

    Women often find guys attractive who have their shit together as regards jobs, housing etc. Work on that and the babes will come.
  5. lucyinthesky16

    lucyinthesky16 pirate wench

    I have the same problem! my advice to you is to embrace your single status! have fun while you can and don't sweat about not having a significant other. before you know it, someone will come along for you! (i know from experience that sometimes trying too hard can push people away)
    Good luck!

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