I Can't Be The Only Woman Who Feels This Way

My man and I have much different schedules, we weren't spending enough time together so I got on his sleep schedule in order to spend more time with him in the mornings. I wake up at 4 am to brew his coffee and make him a lunch for work. So, this morning when he copped an attitude because I didn't jump right on his dick because he had 5 more minutes before leaving and he had a hard on....
I would say we have a healthy sex life. We have sex an average of 5 or 6 times a week. We may skip days and others we may do it twice.
So, I had to evaluate why I was so upset by this.
I sorted my feelings and thoughts and this is what I wrote out on my phones note pad.


You want me to love and want sex as much as you do. I don't and I never will. Instead of appreciating the times we have sex, you make me feel like shit for all the times "I shoot you down". Not realizing that most the time you have to work so hard is because I didn't want to have sex to begin with but am trying to keep you happy so I try anyways. I'm trying to understand and satisfy your need to have sex but this really should mean you could Try to understand my need not to have sex, sometimes.

I feel like if I could exhaust your sexual appetite you would love me no matter what else was going on in our relationship and things would be amazing with us. So everything I do on a daily basis feels taken for granted because unless we're having sex whenever you get a hard on, you're not happy anyways and our relationship starts falling apart. im very frustrated that the success of a relationship weighs so heavily on sex.

I can not possibly be the only woman who feels this way.
So, what do women like us do to maintain a happy healthy relationship?

 

Surely you are not seriously asking if you are the only woman that wants sex less than her guy


What do women like you do to maintain a happy healthy relationship? What happens if you stay with this guy, but in another 10 years its the other way around, you feel rejected and hurt becuase he never wants it


It is what it is, what do you do? Just like every other couple, bicker and have dumb fights about nonsense and try convince each other its about communication not biology

 

Women always seem urged to understand how men feel about sex; it makes them feel masculine, loved, needed, reflects positively in all aspects of his life blah blah. But when many women (most likely even the woman you're with) could care little if any about sex and it doesn't reflect on how much we love the other person, a man is never urged to understand what sex means to us? That because we are the "gate keepers" of sex that we "get it if and when we want it", that a man doesn't need to be compassionate or understanding of how their partner feels about sex.
Rant over. I hope I can get some response because I'd like to feel like I'm not alone.

 

Valid point lmao...is it something you try to discuss or just let tensions rise and fall?

 

I don't have this problem because my sex drive seems like it's actually much higher than most of the men I've dated. That being said, when my sex drive does drop below my significant other's, it's usually a much deeper sign that I'm unhappy with a completely unrelated part of the relationship. Just because I have a very high sex drive doesn't mean that I will always be in the mood when the SO is. And I also equate sex with intimacy on a deeper level. So if something is bugging me about my partner or relationship, it makes sense that what I'm actually not wanting is the intimacy (as opposed to the sex).

How long have you been together? What was it like in the beginning? If your sex life was dramatically different in the beginning, what changed? During the honeymoon phase, sex is often had in abundance and enthusiastically. That begins to taper off as the newness of the relationship fades away.

My current SO has a MUCH lower sex drive than I do. It's oftentimes very frustrating, as I find myself getting the female equivalent to blue balls a lot and sometimes wondering if he even finds me sexually attractive at all. Our situation is not ideal - we live 4 hours away and only see each other every other weekend. He lives with his parents and for various reasons, I can't have him stay over at my place. So part of me wonders how much of the lack of sex is due to simply not feeling comfortable doing the horizontal tango in his parent's house. I'd like to think that, should we move in together, our sex life will improve. However, as crude as it sounds, I rely on masturbation. And it works quite well. It simultaneously takes care of my needs while preventing the nagging behavior you're describing from your boyfriend. I get the intimacy I need from physical affection and the little things he does that shows me how much he does love me. And when we do have sex, I have no complaints.

Would you be offended if your boyfriend took care of himself more? Many people find that it somehow belittles them if their partner takes care of themselves, but if that's not the case with you, why not bring it up? Turn it into a sexy game. Make him tell you about what his fantasy was while he was masturbating, then maybe once a month when you're BOTH in the mood, bring that fantasy to life. I personally have always found it arousing to know that my SO pleasured themselves while thinking about me. So if you can word the discussion in such a way that he thinks it's something sexy that you'd both enjoy, it elevates the experience and almost makes it a shared act rather than just him jacking his morning wood alone.

 

Mmmm Hmmmm

Another way of saying that is that if he doesnt do stuff for you or buy you stuff, then he aint getting it

If you say stuff like this: "I also equate sex with intimacy on a deeper level", they dont really get what you are talking about, and neither do other girls really


OP is long gone, thread title is "I Can't Be The Only Woman Who Feels This Way", what she really meant is "Why don't I know why I feel this way.

Do you really know what you mean by 'intimacy on a deeper level'?

 

Sometimes it seems like my boyfriends sex drive is a lot higher than mine. What I don't do is let myself feel bad about it. He's got porn and a hand for when I'm not enough.

Were you planning on letting your boyfriend read what you wrote out? I think he should know how it makes you feel when he treats you like that.

Edit: spelling

 

HAHAHAHAH, Exactly! And it is healthy for people to have that "time" with themselves, I think.

 

Nice assumptions, there. I couldn't care less about what a man buys me. I have my own money and have out-earned most of my partners. For a very specific example, how about when my partner made me feel invalidated because (at the time) I didn't have a degree? That's a big source of an unhappy dynamic that has NOTHING to do with "buying me things." Stop assuming all women dole out sex in exchange for material things. Some do, sure, but not all of us.

Intimacy on a deeper level is the feeling of wanting to be closer, emotionally, to the other person. When I am unhappy, the last thing I want to do is feel closer or more vulnerable with that person. If you can't distinguish between fucking someone and feeling intimate with someone, your problem is with yourself, not my phrasing.

 

Here here!

 

I can tell by that response, this isnt the first time you've gotten angry at someone suggesting that......because everyone does it, don't they?, including and especially other women, in some ways other women can be worse than the guys are with those assumptions; too often the first questions are, what job does he do, how much does he earn, what stuff does he have.

Does every women feel this way? No, for every 5 threads like this there will be one where its a girl complaining her guy never wants it.

You couldnt care less what a man buys you? uh huh, and what happens when he buys you flowers? - the exact opposite of what you like to believe happens


With the example you gave about him making you feel small at the time because you didnt have a Degree- you didnt really get that right at the time did you, that is identify what was really going on, likely the opposite of what you thought, you didnt have a degree but he was still threatened because you were smarter than him. The sensitive male ego, guys do this stuff to each other all the time and for the most part they hide it from you girls

Your profile says you are 30, I'm going to make a whole bunch of assumptions just on that, and you know what they are, because you get them all the time....and mostly from older women. Which I know is full on. Now they are the same sex as you, so you should understand how they think.....and yet you still havent worked out why so many of them are so hell bent on convincing, constantly reminding you to get married, have kids


My point here is, its not a men vs women thing, dont waste your time with that. Once the guys have gotten to the stage where they've had ten girlfriends, 9 talk like you do ...but there was that one made them feel emasculated because he couldnt perform well enough or often enough ( that is, they experience what its like to be "the girl"), then they'll just grade the other 9 (i.e you) to whoever that girl was

No, I still dont really understand what you mean there, its still a little too vague, and many others wont either, other girls included

You could ask 10 different girls to expand on what they mean by "emotionally closer" and they will give ten different answers. With the girls you have to fight the context of who you are saying it to at the time; in front of someones hubby means a different thing to when its just all girls having a chat.
With the guys, you have to fight all those sometimes bizarre little assumptions they make, You emphasize the 'deeper' in "Intimacy on a deeper level", the jock types with just assume you mean it being big enough to hit the cervix, the little guys will just assume a 'deeper' wallet

 

tl:dr

I don't owe you - or anyone else- an explanation. You seem to have been screwed over by romantic partners in your past. For that, I'm sorry, but I'm not here to validate you or whatever preconceived notions you have about me. We're done here.

 

Well, this is whats coming, if in ten years time, its all reversed. You are picking fights with him because he doesnt want to do it enough,or you picked a guy that never was going to be "up for the challenge" when you hit your prime. You dont want to bother with foreplay any more, just get straight down to business, thus all previous talk about emotions and cuddling becomes repulsive.

That is, they turn into you, you turn into them.

And no one ever warns you, because no one ever actually tells you the truth

Then all this kind of talk in this thread just becomes you were too young to know any better, you still have yet to meet the real you.

Part of the reason all those older women are hell bent on getting you to get married and have kids, at 40 even if he is just a chump, you still publically have to have a husband, otherwise....well if you think guys can take advantage of you now....well.....

Another, nicer reason, is kids, grandkids, family etc, most of you are not really going to care about anything else, you are going to get bored of everything else, bored of facebook, bored of selfies, bored of caring whether guys get paid more for the same job.



No matter what you say or do, you are going to be just as much as a slave to your genitals and hormones as the guys are

 

Just shut the fuck up already, VG. You are like an incurable disease.

 

I had to open this thread just to like this post.

 

Like Herpes. I am Herpes