Every now and then, problems in my life seem to cloud things up. More recently it has been with a girl friend of mine who ive known since around 7. Currently she has a boyfriend, but whenever we talk it sound like she doesn't really understand why. He says that he loves her, she say its just like a high school fling. Last weekend we got coffee together and I know she transcends the bullshit like I can occasionally. The problem is, he is too immature. I've been in shackles all month, and over time its become harder and harder to breath. I knew it was because of my anxiety but i couldnt figure out exactly how to confront it. Voila mescaline. I took a huge dose last night along with 12 woodrose seeds and had some great realizations that other wise may have not been as profound. Me and her really get each other, which is an amazing thing if any of you can relate. But theres been a rift which I havnt been able to grasp. The answer has been in front of me all along, I just couldnt accept it. Im only 16, and so is she, but our maturity is so far beyond what it should be. I did it with drugs, she did it through years of self-discipline and therapy. Im chaotic, she is structure. Yin-Yang. But our interests are so definitive and shared. The answer is friendship. Although a relationship seems perfect to me, if we took that step now, it could only end badly. We need to become better friends and share our bond with each other that way. Whatever happens will happen. Patience. I was a little drunk before I ate the mescalin, and I wrote in permanent marker on my arm " I love taylor WAY too much. the way underlined was the key word. I wasn't in love with her, I was in love with my immagination. Frustration would have blinded me and I would have given up hope, and we would probly become distanced. I threw up around 4 hours in. My anxiety is now lying in the snow. The purge is an incredible experience. I spent the rest of the night happy and content with my profound understanding of what may await. Patience. My god mescaline is some incredible medecine. I think I'd like to buy more peruvian torch and take 1 trip every month to keep my motives in check. They sure are sneaky A class assignment was to write a poem for monday. As I am currently tuned in I wrote it this morning. It's my first but I really like it.
That was really nice bud. How did you take your mescaline and woodrose? I mean what was your prep? About the girl. On the path of power plants, most women frown upon. I don't care what they say. You may only be a dabbler, but you will have to figure that one out on your own. Things you need to do are. Stop jerking off, Hit the weights, cut down on alcohol and tobacco, and maintain your responsibilities. Girls love power and security. You might want to consider some internet dating to get your mojo flowing and make your homegirl jealous. p.s. dont forget the recipe.
alcohol extract for the mescaline, I washed it twice. The woodrose I just scraped and chewed. I hardly ever drink, actually i think last night was the first time in about 6 months. I only smoke about once a week. But i could afford to drink and smoke less Fuck tho, the jealous part already happened last summer. I like got her to the very edge and teased the hell out of her and then found a different girl and devoted my time mostly to her and kind of ignored her. Apparently that really hurt her feelings. But I guess i only have myself to thank, as that was when i got into weed. Thank god i stopped talking to her tho. I needed a good kick in the ass. Thankfully i got it before it was too late. Been rebuilding my ego since about december. I don't think i need to make her jealous again. I'd rather stay just friends than lose her all together. It's weird but I truly believe that now. Sometimes I convince myself that im only dabbling, then I kinda get a reality check and realize I have a lot more than Im willing to admit. Not to say that I dont dabble cuz i obviously do, Im fucking 16 what would one expect thanks for your response
Based upon your writing, I would never guess you are just 16. Anyways, these things always seem to work themselves out. What's meant to be will be. There's a chance over time you will find this girl is not for you. Or maybe she is, and in time things will work out. Trust me, they always do. Take it easy man. Love is amazing and a bitch at the same time... PS: I really need to try cacti one of these days
Sounds like you've got alot under control for 16. I know alot of kids our age dont really consider such things. You seem to have a mature insight of how the big picture looks, its hard to go wrong once you're at that point. just know you have your entire life and patience is key!
