I Came Out To My Mom...

I need some advice. Or atleast some encouraging words. To know that I'm not alone, to know that people care. No one can seem to comfort me right now.

I came out to my mom today. I was really scared, too. I’ve always thought of my mom as a very open-minded, tolerant and independent woman, so I was really surprised at the reaction I got. I’m 15, and my mom said that I’m too young to know if I’m a lesbian. That doesn’t make any sense. I know I’m a lesbian. Why doesn’t she tell my brother that he’s too young to know if he’s straight? She was so happy when he got a girlfriend. But she’s not happy for me that I’m in love. It really breaks my heart. She also told me not to go around parading my sexuality, that if I did I would have a very lonely 4 years in high school, etc. She broke my heart. I came to her looking for comfort, but she didn’t give me any AT ALL. What do I do? Is there anything I can do?



And the reason I came out to her in the first place is because of my BEST friend Liz and her parents. I’m in love with Liz. (She’s not in love with me, but that’s a totally different story. Read "This Girl, She's Incredible") Her brother knows I’m a lesbian, her parents know I’m a lesbian, and her whole youth group at church knows I’m a lesbian. And yesterday I went to a Christian concert with her and her youth group, and she fell asleep with her head in my lap on the bus ride home. Everyone in her youth group asked her brother if she’s a lesbian, and now her parents might never let her see me again. I’d be so heartbroken if I never got to see my BEST friend again. Is there anything I can do? I don’t want to be disrespectful to her parents, but Liz is my best friend and I really can’t stand the thought of never seeing her again. Is there anything at all I can do?

< / 3 broken heart

 

Hey hun--Be strong. Your mom's doing the best she can with what she's got... perhaps she has some issues with her sexuality that she hasn't explored, and so she can't handle anyone elses' issues.

I wish you the best

Ginger

 

Parents tend to be heterosexuals.. it may be hard for her to understand and hence empathise. Give it time.

 

I think you done the right thing at the right time in telling your mom because as you said a few ppl already knew and sooner or later she would have heard it from someone else. She would probably have taken that a lot worse.

Dont panic too much at this stage, it's more than likely that she just needs some time to adjust and let things sink in. I think in saying certain things to you about coming out at school was her way of trying to protect you from the reactions of others. And remember when she was at school being gay would have been reacted to a lot worse. Also remember that some hetrosexuals find it hard to understand and finding out her daughter is gay will take her a little getting used to.

I knew i was gay when i was 12 and although all my friends knew i didn't tell my mom till i was 17 and she took it really badly. She lived for a while in the hope that it was a 'phase' and when i first told her she was very upset and didn't contact me for days. Eventually things worked out by themselves.

Just try and keep in mind that even our parents are only human. Give her a wee bit of time and maybe speak to her again. Say that you understand it has come as a bit of a shock but your glad you confided in her. Tell her that at least your healthy and happy and although she may have prefared you weren't gay at least your not a drug addict and your not in trouble and your not ill. Maybe she needs some reasurance that its just your natural sexual preferance and its not anything she could have done differently as a mother. Suggest that you both must have had a strong bond for you to be honest with her and remind her that it took a lot for you to be brave and tell her about it. Tell her she can take as much time as she needs to accept that your gay and when she's ready your willing to answer any questions she might have or anything she's not sure about. But keep your cool when you talk to her. If you feel your getting upset then calmly tell her you think you both need a bit more time before disgusing it again and go a walk or listen to music by yourself and relax.

best of luck

 

THis post remind me that being different in any form is difficult when you love people who are "mainstream."
I think looking away from church groups for friendship, let alone love, might be in order.
See if PFLAG has a group anywhere near you (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
Your mom might need to talk to other parents to see it isn't the end of the world.
She also may fear that you will be beaten up or far worse (see Boys Don't Cry).
We as parents think that our kids should make the easy choices to get through high school. But We know that we also must let their choices BE their choices.
It's hard enough starting to free your "baby," and let me tell you, you will always be on some level her baby, without imagining the difficulties faced in homosexual/bisexual life.
I cannot begin to imagine how rough kids could be on a cross dresser!

 

MAN failling for a best friend is a mess i remeber when i starting getting physical with my best freind homosexual relationships seem to fall through the gaps untill they are relized i'm still in and out of that relationship and if his parents knew i never see him again, which would be the most distructive thing anyone could do, to be on the verge of losing your best freind is a depressing point

my mom back when i was in 8th grade when i told her i was bi said that i should't tell anyone becuse it would make my life very hard. But now that i'm in 11th grade and i know i'm bi she says that you should always express what you feel and never feel that i should have to hide anything she says what she said at frist is the wrong choice to make, school year no time to edit but luck with life and hope at least here you can vent

 

Coming out to parents is always rough. Your mother might come around sooner or later, but the next weeks or months may be difficult.

It's been so long since I was in high school that I can't really say how easy it is or isn't for you to be openly lesbian at your school. Different schools are different, and different people are different. However, I think that just about any school would have some people who would not respond well.

The fact that Liz is in a youth group that went to a Christian concert is a great big red flag for me. It seems pretty obvious that Liz and her parents are both involved in some form of evangelical Christianity. People in those churches are frequently hostile to LGBT folks.

When I was 14 years old, I fell in love with my best friend and his parents learned that I was gay and wouldn't let us spend time together. I know how bad it feels to have that happen. It was especially awkward because we went to the same school.

How open you can be about your lesbianism depends on a lot of things. drumminmama's advice about PFLAG is good, but I would also steer you to other lesbian/gay groups in your area. Knowing other gay people who live close to you will make a big difference. This is one great thing about the Internet; you can get in contact with other people who share your sexual orientation or other things reasonably easily and safely.

 

sorry your mom's not very understanding and comforting.

i wrote my mother a coming-out-letter nearly 2 months ago, and i have not heard from her since. she somehow thinks that i was "rubbing it in her face" that i'm gay. the letter was something like 8-9 pages long, but it was heartfelt... and it sucks that she hasn't even replied to it. but she is jehovah's witness, so i knew she wouldn't take it well.
hang it there. give her some time....

love
patience
forgiveness

 

If everybody is unique, then how can anyone be normal?

 

iamwhatiam, if you have not heard from your mother, how do you know that she thinks that you were "rubbing it in her face"? Did you find this out from someone else? I am always a bit uncertain about things I hear from third parties.

Eight-page letters are often difficult to deal with. Coming-out letters seem to be best for people who live far away, people we don't have the chance to sit down with and talk to. For whatever reason, I suspect that your relationship with your mother was somewhat difficult before your letter. I hope things get better for you.

 

Its aleast good that you told you mother,
As for me, for the past two years I have been debating wether I am Biosexural or not. Its been hard.

It would take time for your mom to understand. I would think that your mom will still love you no matter what.

 

Ur mother seemed to have taken it the exact way mine did. I was glad with the response she gave, and if u were expecting her to think it was the best thing since sliced bread, u needed to think twice. as for the girl u have a crush on i can identify with that 2. I told my best friend i was gay, He accepted me, but wouldnt get in his boxers round me for a month, but he was cool after that. He began "flirting" with me, and just basically teasing me. wish he was gay, but im glad hes not too, cause i dont want to c him go through them same thing i did. But just be strong, everything will work itself out.