I am at my wits end how should I deal with this?

Well
Alexander has been very good with the baby since she was born so Thank God that isnt my issue. However he hasnt been listening to me at all. He yells at me ignores me and of course the big one when I put him to bed he runs a muck and tends to make a HUGE mess of his room. I actually spanked his little bum today!!! (BTW I am not a believer in spanking....so this is a big deal for me)I felt HORRIBLE and still do. I didn't spank him while I was mad or else I would have never forgiven myself but It has resorted to a spank and even then he didnt listen to me. I have tried EVERYTHING that I know. I have alone time with him. I let him hang out with me and baby so that he knows mommy love him as well. I don't let him get away with anything that I wouldn't normally do. I am slightly more stric now since he has broken the keyboard, we have gone to a no tollorance with the computer and him leaving the room we are in with out us to watch him. So he gets a time out right away. He gets time outs which Normally work but for some reason not anymore. Or at least with me. If bryan put him in a TO he would stay but with me he oncwe again leaves his time out area and goes to play..(Unfortunatly I cannot be with him all the time anymore with time outs like we used to do...)
Im seriously at my wits end right now. I have yelled/firmly grr'd him soooo much today that I am about to lose it.

What on earth am I doing wrong???

 

I wish I could help, but all I can do is relate and sympathize. I have a 4 year old that will not stay in time out.

Believe it or not, this will pass, eventually (this is what I tell myself when I think I'm going insane) and then our kids will move onto something else.

Don't be so hard on yourself, though. It sounds like you have a newborn and a toddler, right? You can't clone yourself so just do your best.

My mother in law used to tell me that her kids were weaned (from the bottle) and potty trained by the time they turned one. Well, sometimes these well-meaning advice givers whose children are grown have foggy memories.

It sounds like you're a very devoted parent and even when you have a free minute you're using it to seek input on how to be a better one. Give yourself some credit. And a good night's sleep, if possible.

 

can you get out of the house? go to the park, get outside, give the little guy some room to run around and get some energy out.

next time you feel like you're going to hit him, give yourself a time out, k? take some time to breathe

and look here too: i put a list of ideas on that thread that would apply here too. http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=916

 

He's testing you, and he's probably mad about the baby and he's acting out because he doesn't know how else to handle it.

At bedtime is it possible for you to stay with him for a bit, and maybe even until he falls asleep? If you need to feed the baby at that time, try taking a chair into the room with you so that you can feed and Alex can fall asleep, or even sit on the bed with him while you are feeding, and he's lying down. I had to do that with my youngest two. Baby in one hand and storybook in the other.

When my kids were on a time out and couldn't seem to just stay there, I would tell them that the more they got up the longer they had to stay, and if they still refused and I could see that it just wasn't going to work I would tell them they could get up but, they would lose something else.

You are not doing anything wrong, it's just a phase he's going through at the moment and it sounds like you are spending lots of time with him when you can. Are you letting him help you with the baby as much as possible? You can even do this with feeding, not sure if you are breastfeeding or not, but even if you are he can still help with that. I can't remember which one of my kids did it, and it could be more than one, but I seem to remember one of them holding my breast to help me feed the baby...lol...I'd forgotten about that!

Anyway...you are probably going to have to spend more time with him and I know that's hard, but even if it is you, him and the baby, it might help. Cheer up...it won't last forever, and then they are 16 and do it all over again...lol

 

Thanks for this I read it and it looks like it might help a little.

Thank You all for your imput. I got alot from the repliies....
I hope something works out ...lol or else I might have to do things Im not into doing *cries*

 

just be glad your kid isn't beating up baby dolls in a social workers office .

I went to get WIC and I was sure they were going to call child services on me after my 6 year old pummeled the poor little plastic infant doll to death. He really does love his baby sister too, but man did he take out some agression on that doll.

 

About the keybord...YOu know when kids want something it isnt as intresting once they actualy have it. We gave our son a keybord that didnt work so he could play with it. How about making him his own computer area to play with with like a broke keybord and an open box that looks like a screen...that can be his only. Just liek you have your own spot just for you.

 

OOOOoO we did that, that is how it all started lol
He has since then jumped on his keyboard and pretending its a skate board or whatever he thinks it is.....Its now put away with 80% of his toys....

 

With All Of The Replys, Pretty Much Said It All.

Hang In There Your A Great Mamma!!
In Time It Will Pass Just Keep Your Head Up And Remember To Take Some Time For Yourself Dear Being A Mother Is Hard Work And You Def Deserve Some Peace For Yourself During The Day/night.

Good Luck,

Very Merry Blessings To You