Yup, I rarely go out of the house. Even though I really try my best to seem socially presentable, I can always sense how much I odd people out both online and in person. Some of the things I say and do just never seems to be normal and I have become bit of an outcast because of this. As long as I can remember, I enjoyed being alone. Someone one told me that this isn't normal and must not have been so when I was younger because it is in our nature to be gregarious. And seriously considering what he told me, I remember that while I enjoyed peoples company, I never really had that much interest. I would become bored with the person easily. I have very close friendships, but 'only' two. One currently lives in South Africa and another lives in Brooklyn. The fried from Brooklyn I have known since I was in 3rd grade, and even then I hardly ever see him anymore... I just feel like I am becoming more and more disconnected from society and I am losing touch. At this point, I have a hard time 'getting' people. I am a good listener and I am always good to cheer people up, but that seems to be about the limit of it... mostly because I lack social skills and I don't want to be a burden on anyone so that feeds into it even more. Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy people's company and I love seeing people interact. But once the spotlight is on me, I have no idea what to do. If I act as myself, then I end up weirding people out because of the disconnect and I tend to beat myself about it... which only feeds into itself even more. Some people on these forums asked me to hang out with them... I wanted to, but honestly, I am not on the pulse as they are and I would end up being a drag on them... In order for me not to odd people out would require me to be phony, but I refuse to do this. But sometimes I give in due to sheer loneliness... but I would rather be hated for who I am then be loved for someone that I am not... but lately, I am forgetting just exactly who I am...
I feel you, man. I don't mix easily with people either, and the few good friends I have don't live around here anymore. Just gotta trust that you'll make new friends -- it's bound to happen sooner or later.
I hope so... but even my neighbor who is very friendly and shares the same ideas as me... even then I won't befriend him for some weird reason. I enjoy people, but like you... I don't mix so very well. I can be a bit too passionate one way or another and for this can push people away. The thing is... I wouldn't mind if they were passionate... but even then, I get bored easily. I am more inside my head then anything. I try to diagnose myself often, lol... I even wondered if I were mildly autistic or if I had any other disorder... but I don't think that's it. -- Do you still keep in contact with your friends?
Here's the best advice I can give you. Being socially awkward is like being physically out of shape. if you haven't hit the gym in 10 years and you go out there and try to run a mile, you will feel like absolute shit, it will be very unpleasant. however, unfortunately the only way that mile is ever going to get any easier...is to start running. It won't be easy and it won't feel good, at first, but you have to force it. same goes for being social. If you live in a cave and randomly go try to start a conversation with a girl or something, it will also be very unpleasant. Embarrassing and stressful. But again...the only way talking to a girl will ever get easier is to go out there and do it. GET SHOT DOWN! There's only one way to find out what approach works for you. trial and error. You can say your not worried about getting a girl or blah blah, but that's only cool for so long. In the end everyone is happier when they have a companion. So don't be held back by uncertainty, because you can only be absolutely certain of one thing. You'll never score a point if you never take a shot. And don't think being social means sacrificing who you are. If theres one thing I've learned it's that there's someone for everyone (sometimes two :cheers2 and it's your job to go out there and find them. Good luck amigo
Yes, I do keep in contact with them as much as possible. They're not all moved away permanently -- some are just going to school elsewhere.
hey DZ... it's ok to be a bit of a recluse... i can only share my own experience and say that it sounds to me like you are getting bored of that too?... like you are looking for something else... something more... what i did was asked "the light" (my version of god) to help me move on from there... if you really want change, it will come... i too got bored with people... but it was because i was depressed. i also got quite agitated by people who didn't see life the same way as i did... i am glad that i was able to see beyond that and get out there and meet people... i am still a bit of a recluse...and i live inside my head a lot, but i enjoy lots of space, and have found a good balance that works for me at the moment. hope you find your balance... just ask for it peace
