Here it is. I'm 18 years old, and a senior in highschool. As with all guys, puberty triggered a release of horomones in my body. These horomones caused me to be attracted to women. I wanted a girlfriend. Unfortunately, I am an extremely shy person. One day, I read about classes for children with "social learning disabilities" in the newspaper. I believe I have a severe case of the bastard social learning disability, but I never participated in such classes. So, I'm afraid of socializing with anyone I don't know well, and don't really know how to. This conflicts with my horomones quite a bit, as nothing scares me more than the thought of talking to girls. It's a horrible fucking curse. I'll mention again that I'm 18. I'm a virgin. Thats not such a big deal. . . . . . But I've never kissed a girl. I've had 1 "girlfriend". Back in 7th grade a girl I had never seen before asked me to dance then asked me out. No way, in my desperation, was I going to say "no". Well, I was too afraid to speak to her, or even acknowledge her in the hallways. Lasted a week, it was quite pathetic. Since then, I've convinced myself numerous times that "this girl likes me", or "I've got a chance with that one". It never actually happens. When I think back, I never really had much reason to think I had any chance (except one, which made it alot worse when it didn't happen). I guess my desperation tries to satisfy itself in this way, but in the end I'm always disappointed and depressed. Since I got a job, my fear has receded a bit, but I still sound like a five year old with down syndrome when I talk to women. I go to a school of mostly rich kids. The "popular" people have nothing to do with the "losers", they're separated. Even so, I've noticed "loser" guys and girls find eachother and start relationships. Though I would definitely be seen as a "loser" before being considered a part of the other group, I really belong to neither. I'm just there, I don't really exist to most people. I see everyone around me with a partner, but I'm alone. I'm so sick of being without a girl goddammit. It's like. . . god spread his asscheeks and dropped a big one on my head. I don't think theres really any advice that can be given here, I just felt like telling SOMEBODY, getting this out. Is there anyone else in such a situation? I feel like I'm the only one. Fuck you in the face with a shovel, god.
well.. all i can say is that college (of you're going?) may remedy some of these problems. highschool fucking sucks. in college more people know who they are and what they want.. i found it easier to make friends and even more than friends. hang in there... the only thing that is constant is change. things will change, whether you like it or not.
