I am a cheat.

i've been with my boyfriend since almost 2 years..i broke up with him once ..but then we got back together after a year and i love him. but i always feel that we're only good in bed. i've talked to my boyfriend about this. About how we should spend some time without the sex.(we do spend time off the sack..but its boring..we dont talk much). I recently met this other guy who has a lot in common with me..at a coffee house where i often go with my boyfriend.. he sent me a msg on facebook and we started talking online..i asked my boyfrien before replying and he had no issues then.. but when I told my boyfriend about us talking everyday ,he got pissed at me and told me to do whatever the fuck i wanted to..he found it fishy because it was out of the ordinary for me to open up to someone so soon. initially i had absolutely no intention to cheat on him. I started talking to this other guy A LOT. i told him everything bout my boyfriend and how i feel. we became reaaly good friends within a month and we started chilling together...and then one day ended up kissing each other. i told this new guy how guilty i was.. but anyhoo i went with it. we've been seeing each other .. im attracted to this new guy , but i love my boyfriend (i told the new guy how i feel) . anyway. i love spending time with the new guy but im not sure if its just the flutters of the first few days or something real.. im not ready to leave the trusted old path for the new path..
i told my boyfriend that i cheated on him. and that it wasnt just for fun..i was infatuated with him. he's ready to move past this..but i know i have sabotaged everything. He loves me more than i love him. i dont know what to do now. i am being as transparent as i can be to both the guys. i know my confession has done no good, has only hurt my boyfriend to the hilt. Im a mess in this area.
Needs help.

 

What you felt for the 'new guy' was probably because it was a novelty. And especially because you were going through a 'tough' patch with the bf it made you even more vulnerable to feeling something like that. But whether it was real or not, you let yourself 'wander'. And in my eyes that means the bf isn't totally right for you. Stable and comfortable, but not perfect. Apparently if you REALLY love someone you'll never get distracted in the first place...

 

i agree. But I can't hurt my boyfriend again. i always thought, i could never cheat on the person im with. but i did. I cheated on him. I can’t really stop my heart from liking someone else or getting attracted to some other person other than my own lover, and if that does happen, it’s inevitable.

But now what?!

 

hmm.. the heart wants what the heart wants..

lol. i guess just ask yourself who you're happier with..

but really get to know them both before making a decision.

 

Yeah, the "heart" (read: hormones and genitals) want lots of things, but what they don't teach you on television is that being in love means using your brain. Now that you have cheated, you have crossed a line. Now your boyfriend feels he can cheat on you, I guarrantee it. Now you might cheat again, since you did it and you weren't struck by lightning or something.

Love means telling yourself "No" sometimes. Maybe a lot sometimes. The world is full of beautiful, flirty single people, and when you are with someone, if you really love them, you must painfully deprive yourself of the pleasure of physical intimacy with others (hopefully also emotional intimacy and such).

Love is hard work you have to decide if you're gonna go through life cheating on your boyfriends, or if this means that you don't love your current boyfriend. It's not an easy question or choice.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise"

truly loving someone can mean loving them enough to deprive yourself of other love, since that other love would hurt "your love". Get it? Are you strong enough to pick one love? Or go through life ping ponging through guys as they appear and flirt with you. There will be hundreds.

 

Well said Mr Writer
I agree don't let hormones get in the way and try to really see what you like in each person also find out some history about there nature with other people
Ie how they react and treat there enemy this will give you a good indication on what they are really like wether they carry grudges or are violent or if they are just happy to just move on .
long love is a lot of work but its wort it the grass is never greener
sort of like moving house if you move every 6 months you can never make it a real home .
also its a lot about being content with your self also try to understand what REALY makes you happy .
All the very best....:love:

 

I have never really felt like "doing it" with this new guy..He's definitely not the kinda guys i get a crush on. what i like about the new guy is the way he talks to me.. and how i never really have to explain myself to him. He gets it .before my explanation. its awkward for me and him to get such feelings. And no im not okay with switching partners alll my life HENCE THE THREAD! I've been doing a lot of thinking .. the only big reason im so confused is that i have never really come across anybody with a mindset so similar to mine..and i know How much my Boyfriend loves me. When i cheated on him, i knew i was doing something bizarre, i knew how much it is going to hurt my boyfriend.. Yet i went with it. I don't talk to many people like that, but i felt at ease with the new guy. Im just not sure if im ready to hurt the one who loves me as much as he could for someone i love spending time with..and before someone points it out... Yes i love him, but i dont "LOVE" spending time with my boyfriend.

 

Plus. I'm smart enough to know when a guy is thinking with his dick. I've come across guys who try to flirt..i've never entertained anyone. Its not like i get confused everytime a guy flirts with me.

 

he could be just a good talker .
im also a good talker without being flirty so watch out
I've met a few women that i can and do talk to but i don't or won't have sex with them you really need to work out where the love is i know its hard
men are alwas thinking of sex

 

Then fix why you don't love spending time with him. And if you can't, then leave him. Easy peasy

 

I'm finding it really strange reading this thread, maybe its due to a different in forum subtype readers. But I posted a thread in the Relationship forum asking for advice on how to get over and move on from my GF cheating on me when it was in the early days of our relationship. I made it clear I wasn't asking if i should dump her, just advice on how to proceed having forgiven her, and 90% of the responses I got were "dump the bitch", "leave the whore" etc.

But the OP here, no offense intended, cheats on her boyf and its all very hunky dory, despite the fact that the way I see it, the OP is stringing along both guys while she makes up her mind...

Really, i do mean no disrespect and you do clearly seem confused about what you want. My vote would be, sit down and pick one, or break it off with both officially until you can tell one of them yes. You think this is confusing for you? Imagine how they feel...

 

i went to my boyfriends place today to talk to him. told him how i always felt like an accessory to him .. that i wanted us to sit and talk and not just have sex. that i fell for the new guy because i was getting all this from him.. and i assured him that i wouldnt leave him for the new guy.. anyway..he told me that he had to do something to get past this.. either revenge or something else. i agreed. he said he would slap me. i was okay with that because i felt realy bad. he took a lot of time but then he did slap me. really hard. i was okay with it. I know i have done something realy bad. anyway... after this scene.. he asked me to kiss him .. and feel normal about things. a kiss was okay.. but i was obviously in no mood to do anything more. i wasnt feeling anything sexually then cs my mind was preoccupied with all that has happened. but i was really amazed to see how he was JUST OKAY WITH EVERYTHING ..and was wanting to do things.. he also said that i have many choices.. but he has only me... i told him its 'that time of the month'. .yet he was grinding and dry humping .. i dint want to let him down or make him feel that i've lost interest so.. i went with it..
ANYWAY Thank you . I have actually realized what i want. Im definitely sure that im not ready to compromise at such a young age. all this has just made me realize that i shouldn't be with any of these guys. I know many of you are going to judge me now... but its okay..im sure of things now . Whatever has happened has made me think out of the box.

 

Thanks Everyone! this was the first time i posted something like that .. And i feel really light. and Sorted.
I won't fuck anybody else's scene in future. thats for sure!
love isn't easy!

 

I'm glad you came to some sort of resolution that youre happy with As for getting judged, im not a very experienced poster here but for the most part it seems like judgements get put aside here, hey, its the internet. However I'd really judge that he hit you... that seems...really quite fucked up...

 

". . .then one day ended up kissing each other" LOL. I love this language. This one ranks right up there with "Mistakes were made" and "I accidentally had sex".

 

What do you think 'LOVE' is?

If the person you sleep with is not your best friend/ confidant/ soulmate then there is NO hope for your relationship. You cheated on your BF when you started confiding in someone else, long before the sex.

 

I dont see this relationship lasting much longer.

I've cheated on a few girlfriends in the past and I've also been cheated on.
It takes a long time to chew up and swallow something like that, and things never really seem to go back to the way they were.

 

I'm not too sure about this getting revenge and slapping you business. I'm not to say the myriad shapes love can take, but when I love somebody, even if they hurt me, they're at the top of my list of people I DON'T want to slap. I would have advised you look into your heart and consider unshackling yourself for the time from the constraints of a bf-gf relationship. It's normal to beattracted to multiple people other than the partner you're going with officially. I'd say get whatever illicit urges you have out of your system now while you're young and save caution for later on in life. Love and sex are two conflicting systems of exchange and often the confusing of the two is what causes the real stinger when things get complex in a hurry like in your situation. You feel dissatisfied with the way your relationship you and your boyfriend have because of a deficiency in the love department. Surely, you ask, there is more to love than tiring each other out in the sack? Well, yes, there is. I agree wholeheartedly with the poster above who said love was bloody hard work. Indeed, what the Tinseltown version of love and the idea of being swept off your feet might occlude, is that love goes through all kinds of phases, and the kind where you want to do things to someone you'd not even think of doing to anyone else is just one of them. He sounds like a bit of the controlling type if he insisted he could slap you as retaliation for your transgression. I'm still finding that one a bit hard to fathom, but you seem to have given your conscent that he do something to you to even the score. I'm assuming the incessant sex to be nonetheless satisfying, so the thing to do is ask yourself if you love this person with such commitment that you'd like to work at being together and, as the expression goes, cleaning up your act. The good news is he is, as you describe him, the kind of virile male who communicates through screwing, and so, after he's had his free slap, will be most interested in assuring himself you are showing fidelity to your relationship, which includes changing your status to 'unavailable' whilst in a real relationship. You've broken a trust bond that is the nucleus of most (not all love relationships. Now is not the time to press him on what you need. If you feel you want him and need him then it's best to let him know in his terms. If not, then you'd best consider telling him in yours. But it sounds like you've handled it well thus far.

 

Nicely put!

 

Thanks everyone.
I wouldn't want to lose him, ever. But that doesn't mean i have to hold on to him! Just because He Tells me how much he loves me! I really dont understand... I remember him saying that I get a lot of choices.. he gets none! I dont know If that's the reason he's holding on to me. I've never considered any other guy over him. Fine i know how people sermonize on the neeed to be loyal and true and what not.. But then Im just 20! i dont have to settle or compromise for someone im not sure of. I reeealy wish i could stick to him! I've tried to tell him things before i cheated.. but he hasnt ever worked on it! but now since i've cheated . i can't realy say anything to him. And i know everything i say seems a cop out.. But its not! fine he loves me...and i let him hit me cs i couldn't take it! i knew how much i've hurt him. but then i realized that im not ready for all this..