the more i care, the meaner i get. why? because it makes me mad to see people hurting themselves and hurting each other. furious, even. i get so hurt watching people be fucking nasty that i turn fucking mean. and i don't just mean nasty to other people, but nasty to themselves. self-inflicted hells drive me insane. i, and i shudder to confess this, really do want everyone to be happy, healthy and cozy at home, despite my more practical stance on survival of the fittest. i wish we could be the sort of people that could survive in a communist environment, but know people are too fucked up to do so. i've never hated anyone over something they believed, but have been willing to destroy them based on what they've done or said (fuck forgiveness, eh?). i hate the society i live in, but am willing to try to find a place in it. this maudlin peace having been said, i'm going to get another glass of wine and watch MXC, because i've really annoyed myself.
You sound like an interesting fellow ... the kind of person who would see the world in a way similar to Ghandi, but not having the willpower to convert to perfect non-violence, or perhaps just not seeing non-violence as the solution. The world's a frustrating place ... you know, you live in it, as do we all. I've had a similar problem; getting angry when people do dumb things to others and themselves, or when they get angry at eachother, or even disrespect, insult, or even assault others. But recently, I have ascribed myself to one of my favourite sayings by Ghandi ... "Hate the sin and not the sinner." It has helped me qualm the bit of fury I have now and again when I want the world to be perfect and realize it will likely never be. Try practicing that bit of Ghandi's knowledge ... it may help ...
to feel this passionate, i wonder if this is something that has effected you personaly among family/friends?
to be honest, i'm surrounded by self-destructive morons. i've been forced to take very distasteful actions in my life, and i'm still fucking furious about it.
