My boyfriend loves me and I know that. We've been together more than 2 years now and have known each other since childhood. He takes care of me and makes sure I'm happy but he is a busy guy. Most of the day he's busy doing this or that (no he's not employed we're students), and in the evening he generally hangs out with his friends. So through the day, other than a few texts in the morning, we barely talk. Then we do talk late in the evening through night but he almost always replies late, or atleast not as instantly as I want him too. We always text since he prefers texting over calling. The thing is, I know he is busy but I can't help but feel like I'm not getting enough time from him. The time he hangs out with his friends he doesn't text me for hours and that makes me feel slighted. He has a habit of not touching his phone for many hours at end when he's with people (he doesn't touch his phone when he's with me too). I need tips from anyone who has been in this situation and understands what I'm trying to say. I'm sure I should give him the space but I cannot help but feel left out and it's not his fault. But how can I be more understanding? Or should I ask for more time?
It sounds to me as though he has had enough, sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but it certainly looks that way. I can understand him not spending time with you while he's at college or wherever, that's normal, but to spend all his free time with his mates, well that doesn't sound right. When I was younger we all went around together, to the cinema, to the pub, wherever, we did certain things on certain days, always as a group, then one by one people started dropping out, they wouldn't come to the cinema on the evening, they were seeing their girlfriend, then they'd stop coming to the pub several nights a week, they were with their girlfriend, it would get down to seeing them once a week, then once a month on a 'lads night' then eventually we'd stop seeing them altogether, it's called growing up. The fact he'd rather spend time with others than with you would suggest that you both want different things, also remember that women tend to mature quicker than men and are more likely to want to settle down earlier, perhaps you should talk to him, be open and honest, something like, 'we've been together a while now, where do you see us in a year, do you think we'll still be together?' and see what he says. you may not get the answer you wanted, but at least you'll know where you stand. Unfortunately a lot of blokes are not good at being open and honest, rather than admitting they're fed up with a relationship and want out, they try and keep going to avoid upsetting their partner, this is worse in the long term than ending it now. Just ask some questions, throw them in as part of a normal conversation and see what happens.
That should tell you all that you need to know. You have known him for a long time, so you clearly know a lot about his personality and you accept him. Relax, enjoy the other aspects of your life and stop worrying about him all the time.
I am not so sure, particularly after having known each other for many years. Changing his lifestyle suddenly, could have disastrous affects, particularly if they do not have a lot of common interests and end up passing the time jumping in and out of bed to relieve the boredom, I knew Jane for more than 3 years before we settled down, sometimes weeks went by without us meeting. Then with setting up a home and the children coming along we hardly had time to breath. Boredom can quickly destroy a relationship.
Kura, I have some hard truths to share. You made some statements in your initial post I want to touch on. One "My boyfriend loves me and I know that." Do you really know that or are you making an excuse for yourself. Two, "He takes care of me and makes sure I'm happy but he is a busy guy." I don't see that he is "taking care" of you. Why? You wrote it best in the next line. "Most of the day he's busy doing this or that . . . . . , and in the evening he generally hangs out with his friends." Really? Hanging out with his friends? Why isn't he "taking care" of you instead? Three, "So through the day, other than a few texts in the morning, we barely talk." Hmmm . . . I see some avoidance here. Four, "Then we do talk late in the evening through night but he almost always replies late, or at least not as instantly as I want him too." Yea, that's more indication of avoidance with him. Point number five. "We always text since he prefers texting over calling." Certainly he does. There's no voice deflection showing your true emotion with a text message. But yet I'll bet he is talking with his friends. Do you see where I'm heading yet? The last point "The thing is, I know he is busy but I can't help but feel like I'm not getting enough time from him." says to me your feeling is correct and you don't know it. You need to listen to yourself. You continue with "The time he hangs out with his friends he doesn't text me for hours and that makes me feel slighted." I agree, it should. So here's what I think of the situation. What Phil said is true about growing up, or rather, into a relationship. I knew my wife long before we dated. She was ready day one for me to show interest in her but there were other things I would rather do than see her. A phone call one evening turned my thoughts. It was a short conversation that had nothing to do with either of us but after hanging up something clicked in my brain. It possessed me day and night for several days. Finally I called her again. She was thrilled that I called just to talk to her. I had turned the corner and realized there was something in her that interested me. That something was way more than just sex. Now, I bring up the sex part because I responded to another thread where you asked a question due to your difficulty with intercourse. This could be having an effect on him. With my spouse we had no problems sexually. Actually we were very compatible and maintained a torrid sex life for years until medical issues took their toll and we had to stop. But I still haven't lost interest in her. What I'm getting to by all of this is your boyfriend isn't ready to love you yet. You may think so but if he was he would be paying a lot more attention than he is. Feeling left out is a real emotion and it is, I emphasize is, his fault. At least partially. He likes you a lot but it isn't love, as in real true love. And it may never be. Your issue sexually may be something he is unable to deal with and being friends for so long he may not be able to bring himself to share his disappointment over the bedroom issues. Rather than face you straight up he is evading the issue hoping a solution will come along. It may be he subconsciously hopes it just goes away so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore because it bothers him a lot. I advise you again to go see a doctor for your sexual issue and have that resolved. Then try with him again. If you have a successful love making session see if he still want's to be with his friends after class or would rather be with you. Here's the hard part though. If all he want's from you is sex, then it's time to spread your wings and look elsewhere. There's plenty of fish in the sea and men who are ready to love, truly love, someone. Listen to yourself and do yourself a favor. Look at this from a different perspective. I hope this helps.
I agree with the comment immediately before this one - you need to look at this from a different perspective. You say multiple times in your posting: "he's busy." That's a huge red flag, not in his behavior, but in your thinking. We each get the exact same 24 hours per day to spend, and we each decide exactly how we're going to spend those 24 hours. The only exceptions I make are for the incarcerated and the hospitalized. He doesn't fall into either of those categories. He's no busier than you are. He takes no more breaths per day than you do. He has about the same number of thoughts per day that you and the rest of us do - it's about 50,000. He makes his choices about how to spend his time, and his choices indicate what and whom he values. He doesn't value time with you as much as you value time with him. He doesn't enjoy exchanging text messages with you as much as you enjoy exchanging them with him. Don't ask him for "more time." That's vague, nonspecific, and unhelpful to what you say you are trying to accomplish. Invite him to do specific things at specific times with you. They're called dates. Two people agree to meet at a stated time, in a stated place, and for a stated activity. If this is what you want, and you say that it is, you have to initiate them. He'll accept, decline, or propose a specific alternative. That's how dates work. People who want to spend time together make plans. Be the planner. Be specific about what you want to do, when you want to do it, and where the two of you will meet. It really is that easy, and within a week or two, you will achieve much greater clarity than you have now about the extent to which he values your company. If he declines or ignores your invitations often enough, you'll get the idea that he's just not that into you, and you'll stop extending invitations, and move on. It hurts at first, but the pain lessens with time. If he accepts your invitations, and shows up when and where he promised, then you got exactly what you wanted - more time with him, and doing the things you planned because you thought you both would like doing those things.
Just simply tell him that you would like to spend more time with him, and that you’re not trying to take him away from him spending time with his friends. He has to know how you feel so that he can attempt to make a change. And you should be spending more time with YOUR friends
This sounds dismissive but---it is what it is. Either the situation suits you or not. If you don't particularly like the situation, as you indicate, think it through and either change it or accept it. Although, to change the behavior of others oft times fails. I think that he's giving you the time and energy that he thinks he owes you. Likewise, he's giving his friends the time and energy he thinks he owes them. (there is some good advice in the previous posts)
