How to figure out if she is intersted

I know the below will sound silly to a lot of people but I've been out of the dating pool for a very long time.

Sorry if this seems choppy and weird, I've never actually sought advice online before.

So, this lady (29 F) and I (42 M) both started working at our job (nurses) about 7 months ago and I'm trying to figure out if she has a crush on me. Before anyone says anything about coworkers dating, there are several couples at our job who met on the job, so our employer doesn't have a problem with it. I don't know if it matters but she's from India and I'm white as white can be.

From the moment we started working, I'd notice her looking at me when she thought I wasn't looking and whenever she'd catch me seeing her, she smiles. She still does this, as soon as I walk in, I get a big smile, and sometimes she does this little coy smile and looks me up and down. Over the course of the past few months, we've become close, not super close but closer than we've gotten to other coworkers. We talk about a lot of stuff and she's always actively seeking me out whenever her assignment is slow. I haven't noticed her do this with any other coworkers. I don't always do the same as I'm trying to get to know other coworkers as well.

Other things she does include:

- Stands super close to me, as in our bodies touch, whenever we're standing next to each other. She does the same thing when we sit down.

- Lots and lots of banter back and forth and mild flirting - nothing too wild, but definitely some playful teasing back and forth.

- I forgot how it came up, but she's hinted that she doesn't think an age difference in a relationship is a big deal. I think was joking around with her and said "you're just a kid," and she said something like "you're over 40 but you don't act it, so we're even."

- Anytime I mention an opinion that's different to hers, she'll find a way to change hers slightly to be in line with mine - this doesn't matter to me at all, I just find it kind of odd.

- This happened a couple of weeks ago. We were both working together on a very sick patient. After we were done, she asked me to give her a massage. I felt a little awkward because it caught me off guard.

There's more I could elaborate on, but I had a long shift so I feel like this post is becoming disjointed. If anyone needs anything clarified, please ask.

My ex and I divorced about a year ago and I haven't dated in years. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or whether or not there's something there.

Thanks in advance

 

Sounds like she's interested to me!

 

I don't know. She sounds young man!

I'm thinking too good to be true with that 29...

 

Totally intersted.

 

Most employers only bother if your behavior embarrasses other workers, of If your work is disrupted when you have a minor argument. Unless you work with money, few employers are too bothered otherwise.

It sounds as if she likes you, but dating someone with different cultural and religious standards can have it's problems.
However relationships that develop in the work environment, where you see each other in their true colors are more likely to succeed.

 

I don't know, I thought the work environment was that place where you can't show your true colors because you're required to show a certain amount of professionalism instead.

 

I wouldn't really described my fellow co-workers as "professional." LOL I joke of course, we're professional around our patients, but the conversations we have could definitely be construed as unprofessional in an office setting. In a stressful setting like a hospital, though, I think it's the norm. At least that's been my experience.

 

So, you're both nurses. Does your hospital have a cafeteria? If you have lunch breaks, and if you can have then at the same time, simply ask her to join you. Or, if not that, think of some seminar or other event outside of work that wouldn't seem like a date to ask her to attend with you. In other words, at first just treat her the way you'd treat another guy at work that you really enjoyed being around. The rest will work out!

And, 13 years isn't so much difference and who cares where her family originated. That's only a matter that racists see.

 

From what you have written I would say that she was interested. Age difference shouldn't be a problem. Skin difference shouldn't be a problem and not sure why that was referenced . Cultural differences may need to be looked into .

If I wanted to take this forward I would simply see if she fancied a coffee after work. That is something so innocent and harmless and see how it goes. Should you have the wrong end of the stick , you defence would be that its to discuss a work matter that's bothering you ( you would have to make something up of course ) . So you have nothing to loos in trying ..

 

Update time:

We both worked Friday night and asked her to lunch the next day and before I could continue she goes "you mean, like a date, right?"

I responded with "yup, sure is." To which she said something like "took you long enough" and turned beet red. Thankfully things didn't get awkward after that.

Saturday we went out to lunch we both had a really good time. We talked about quite a bit and ended up going for a walk afterwards and spending basically the entire afternoon together. I found out we have quite a bit more in common than I thought and that our senses of humor are similar (this is very important to me). We ended the date with a hug and I told her that I wanted to take her out on a proper date, which she agreed to and went on last night.

Last night was great as well. We went to dinner at a local french restaurant then spent sometime walking around downtown and finally had some physical contact. We ended up holding hands the entire evening and shared a kiss at the end of the night. Had a bit of a serious conversation about how we're going to act at work and if we're going to tell anyone yet. We've decided to keep it discreet for a couple of weeks to see if anything materializes out of this and if it does we'll end up telling our coworkers and manager(s).

She's definitely more forward than I initially thought, which is fine by me. I don't like when women play games are prefer them to be forthright about what they want.

 

Well done !

My advise from experience is just don't rush things .

I would continue to keep it under wraps from the others in the workplace especially management . Management sometimes don't like the idea of their workforce having relationships because of the possibility of work collusion . This was the policy in a bank I used to work for. When relationships developed they would post you to a different location within the banking group .

 

Another little update:

Well, the cat’s out of the bag at work. I guess one of our coworkers saw her give me a hug and kiss the other morning when we left work and pieced everything together. Like I said, our work doesn’t care and there’s no paperwork we have to file or anything like that. One of our mutual friends did come up to me and ask me what took so long to figure out her signals. I just explained that being out of the dating pool and being 13 years older than her I just figured it was harmless flirting.

We’ve been spending a couple of days per week together and we’re going to a work conference together in a couple of months and sharing a room. Things are progressing nicely and I’m just ya into a nice tone getting to know her. I do find that I like dating someone younger than me as I’m pretty full of energy and fun-loving so it’s nice to be with someone who messes with my personality. We also talked about being exclusive and with her cultural background, she doesn’t want to date anyone else at the same time as she’s dating me and I never understood dating more than one person at once. So, we’re pretty much exclusively dating each other.

 

Does she speak of marriage?

 

For what its worth I think you are right in being cautious. Flirting alone isn't a signal that someone wants to date you. Its really more of a compliment that they like you . Slightly different things as I have had married women flirt with me and I flirt with them. It doesn't mean we want to get together. Its when flirting is done in conjunction with other signals such as body language and nervous behaviour when in their presence , tends to mean something more .Another thing if you messed this us by jumping the gun it could have caused emberrasement for yourself and her as well. Plus you still have to work with each other which could have been uncomfortable for you both . So yes I think you did the right thing with taking it slowly .

 

No, we're not at that point.

 

Yeah, I think so too, but at this point looking back at all the signs I think I was completely blind to what she wanted. It's been about a month and we're doing quite well.

We spend quite a bit of our time together and since most of our friends are mutual work friends we just all go out as a group a couple of times a week. We've talked about the amount of time we spend together and neither of us has a problem with it, we just like being in each other's company. We connect on so many levels and I have a sense of peace and calm whenever I'm around her. Her face still lights up and she gets a huge smile whenever I walk into work.

 

Glad things are going well for you, DieCastRN. I felt a tinge of concern when you said she changed some of her responses to match more closely with your own likes and preferences, but since you're taking things slowly you can watch for these things yourself and recognize them. Anymore, I'm inclined to find out about the ex from other sources before going to far with someone. I got a pretty good burn last time and realized there isn't anything I need from any woman that I can't do for myself except perhaps sex, and my last wife taught me all too well that I can live without it. Dick move, as my son would say.

I hope you fare well together. You might want to look up chameleon-like behavior and see what you come up with.