How to confront cheating wife?

Last week my wife got a replacement phone and one day something told me to look in it. There were a numerous amount of phone calls to a certain number. The next day I took another look and saw she was texting some guy. The eye catcher was when she said she missed him and when will he see her again.

I let it go for awhile, then two days ago saw a massive convo between them. in short, she tells him to patient and somehow they'll make it work. His response is he loves her, be positive, things will work out. Sent a pic that said "if your cheating with somebody who'll give you everything, your cheating yourself". Then he asked her to spend the night with him this weekend and she says she can.

Two weeks ago we had a conversation, she said maybe we should separate and I said yea ok. She ignored that and acted like we didn't have that kind convo until I asked whats up. "I want to give it another year, if not we could say that it didn't work out". Why does she want another year if she's got another dude and wants to make it work out with him?

Anyway, how should I go about this? I recorded (and backed them up) the texts to use that as leverage. Should I call/text the other guy or when she's about to leave me to go see him expose everything?

My two idea's were...call the other guy but have a call recorder in the background and see if he confirms my suspicions.

And my other was to wait and see if she's really going to lie to me about going to work and confront her then and tell her to enjoy her time with dude.

I really just have no idea to go about this.

 

I wouldn't even contact the other dude. This is a problem between you and her. I see no reason to give it another year if she clearly wants to be with someone else. I think I would sit down with her...calmly and say...ok, I know whats going on. Are we going to continue this charade or should we just make this easy on both of us and get things out in the open so we can decide what to do?

 

Good for you for keeping the texts.

If it were me, I would be going straight to the lawyer, and try to wring as much out of it as I could. It's harder for men to profit from divorces but she has given you that opportunity... I would totally run with it. I think it's actually to your advantage to make the first move in this situation.

People who cheat really don't deserve any sympathy... and the guy isn't your problem, your wife is.

 

Confront her by change all the locks in your house. If it's not your house I'd confront her by leaving if I were you.
If you are already certain she is cheating and hiding it from you there is no need at all to try to understand her ramblings. Wouldn't waste my time on that.

 

Well, the way I'd do it is just disappear with all my stuff and start over. But that's just me. I've done it and not for cheating. Disloyalty is the worst. She has zero respect for you.

Maybe the next thing you should do is examine your conduct in the relationship to see if you created "triggers" that drove her to someone else. Live and learn--it's the way to growth.

 

Right on Take everything you own and leave her wondering what you might had to say seems like the 'confrontation' a sneaky cheater deserves.

 

Weird thing is, i dont mind starting over but I rather stay where I'm at. I always figured she would move to another state because she has so many choices of men and always saying that she wanted to move somewhere else.

 

cant get any more evidence now. found out today that she finally decided to lock her phone.

 

Yeah, if it's your house or you really want to stay I'd change the locks if I were you. Even if that would not be the end of it (I can imagine), it at least sends a clear message that she doesn't have to think of talking it right or, even more ridicilous, hang around for another year.

 

Just tell her you know! Say, Bitch, I know! Ask her to leave.

Changing the locks is illegal if she lives there... But if you're not worried about that part, then hell yeah, lock her out. That's a clear cut message.

 

You can't lock her out of her own house. And yes, its her house, she's living there, she's the wife, its her house as much as the husbands.

That may make for good drama, but neither an amicable divorce nor a reconciliation will come from that starting point.

 

That's too bad. I'm not into all those rules obviously Wouldn't the motive make it apparent she was asking for it? Adultery isn't classed illegal in a similar way I guess... Well, what if you just left for a week or so? Would she be suprised/freaked out or enjoy it? If it's the latter stay put

 

I don't understand why people think they need to make some grand event out of it, or dramatic confrontations. Just be an adult about it. It's not your job to get vengeance or to punish her. Just say, hey I know about so-and-so. I don't want to be with you anymore.

Bam done. Why the fuck are people compelled to call names, and add more fuel to an already dramatic situation? This isn't an episode of desperate housewives.

 

I wasn't going for the drama, that's why I mainly said I would just leave if I were him (and if that's an option). If he can't leave send the clearest message (ideally nonviolent ) that you can. If you feel like talking, well ok... more power to you. If you don't then you're not punishing her but looking after yourself. Why take any more shit of the person you're married to that appears to be a lying cheater, right?

 

They're still a human being, and everyone makes bad decisions in life. Everyone has to take shit sometime in their life. If anything, it's a perfect opportunity to be the bigger person without belittling the other, imo.

 

Haha, is that the perfect opportunity to try and be the bigger person? I think that all lies in the details, Mama, and if we don't know them I think finding out that your significant other cheats on you with someone else is generally NOT an opportunity to try and be the bigger person. Hey, it's always better to be the bigger person but imagine you in this situation yourself. Would you really think let's sit around the table and let her speak her mind or would you rather think I wish I would not see that person for the first 2 weeks? I think it's really unfortunate it's illegal to change the locks in this situation. It would keep the drama outside

 

I generally don't like to discuss my own relationships on the forum, but I will say, I've been in an almost identical situation before. I know what I'm talking about here . And no, I won't elaborate.

 

I wouldn't either (for real) and am happy I've never been in a similar situation. I've never lived together, hence why I don't know shit about what's legal or illegal exactly. I guess I would just make sure I didn't own the house teehee :biggrin:, get my stuff and take off. And yes, I would hope she left wondering. Not sure how that is that cruel.

 

Yeah, it's a rough, emotional thing....anger is a very difficult emotion to control for me....but in the end, you have to know that you have nothing to gain by "making them pay." It doesn't mean they get a free pass. Karma is real.

 

It's probably a 'bad decision' when you lose control and beat someone to death with a tire iron... does that mean that all should be forgiven and nothing should happen to the person who did it? And to be honest, this is actually worse than that because the guy apparently loves her and she has probably been putting a lot of time and effort into this relationship while still married to the OP. I could almost forgive someone for losing control in the heat of the moment more than I could someone being dishonest and betraying me for months or years on end.

And this isn't about punishing her, it's about protecting himself and putting himself in the best position when the divorce inevitably happens.

She should have handled the situation differently and him getting the upper hand in the settlement is a fair resolution... it's not like he's sending her to prison or putting her on death row.