How to argue effectively

Discussion in 'Philosophy and Religion' started by Meagain, May 12, 2005.

  1. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

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    How to argue effectively

    I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

    · Drink liquor.

    Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.

    If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.

    But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

    · Make things up.

    Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

    NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

    If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

    Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

    Memorize this list:

    Let me put it this way

    In terms of

    Vis-a-vis

    Per se

    As it were

    Qua

    So to speak

    You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

    Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

    Only a fool would challenge that statement.

    · Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

    You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

    You're begging the question.

    You're being defensive.

    Don't compare apples to oranges.

    What are your parameters?

    This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

    Here's how to use your comebacks:

    You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
    Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
    You say: You're begging the question.

    You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
    Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
    You say: You're being defensive.

    · Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

    This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

    -- I think Dave Berry Wrote this.
     
  2. Colours

    Colours Senior Member

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  3. nitemarehippygirl

    nitemarehippygirl Senior Member

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    hahahaha.... :D
    that whole thing was awesome, thanks.
     
  4. "†"»AMBER«

    "†"»AMBER« Member

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    haha yeah this is pretty funny Also it helps if someone is yelling and screaming or just talking loud DONT ever RAise your voice just say at the same tone that piss's people off for some reason.
     
  5. Kris?

    Kris? Senior Member

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    ALWAYS say "Please calm down and keep this civil"
     
  6. MeAgain

    MeAgain Dazed & Confused Lifetime Supporter Super Moderator

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    Bump
     
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  7. Pete's Draggin'

    Pete's Draggin' Visitor

    I do better arguing effectively in person than on hf pecking my rebuttal post
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2018
  8. Pete's Draggin'

    Pete's Draggin' Visitor

    I peck too slow. People have written pages of posts by the time I can blink 182.

    By then someone has already made the point i was trying to make

    And now my point/post is redundant.....
     
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  9. lion1978

    lion1978 The King

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    The recipe for wining argument is given to you by the police when you get arrested "anything you say, can and will be used against you"

    And remember to use statistics.
    Fun fact did you know that 72% off all statistics in an argument is made up on the spot
     
  10. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    Let me put it this way; I don't agree with the OP per se, but i.e. of Peruvians qua appetizers: the average amount per Peruvian in 1994 was 2.4 a month.
     
  11. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

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    Be that as it may, I think you're being a bit linear here.
     
  12. soulcompromise

    soulcompromise Member HipForums Supporter

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  13. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    You're being defensive.
     
  14. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

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    Sounds like something Hitler might do.
     
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  15. wilsjane

    wilsjane Nutty Professor HipForums Supporter

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    I prefer to admit that certain subjects do not interest me.
    I will therefore only argue when someone is talking complete rubbish on a subject that I understand and since I take the trouble to explain things and listen to the other persons points of view before discounting them, the argument is fairly short lived.
    I define the average argument as....... "When 2 idiots meet".
    People rarely call me an idiot. They just ask what planet I have just landed from. LOL.
     
  16. Asmodean

    Asmodean Slo motion rider

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    Political correctness gone astray
     
  17. guerillabedlam

    guerillabedlam _|=|-|=|_

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    The term argument has contextual meaning, the uses often get conflated in this forum, which makes the OP that much more amusing. The colloquial use of argument as in like a "vehement disagreement" often butts heads with argument in the context of philosophy and logic, where a conclusion follows from premise(s).
     
  18. wilsjane

    wilsjane Nutty Professor HipForums Supporter

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    LOL. I just tell them that I landed from the planet "Zok" and they spend the next few hours on Google looking for it. Saves an argument though.
     
  19. WOLF ANGEL

    WOLF ANGEL Senior Member - A Fool on the Hill Lifetime Supporter

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    I've always thought that the best way to argue is to stick to to the simplicity of:-
    "Less is more", (effective)
    Let a.n.other talk themselves out - then use a short but cutting one-lined retort.
     
  20. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    my weed is so loud, I dont hear any of this shit.
     

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