how many men from loonlieness begin the process straight bi to b/gay

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by lesinindy, Sep 1, 2023.

  1. lesinindy

    lesinindy Members

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    I feel like I am at an impasse , we have no sex (it is a shame 5'2 and a runner). I just have no idea what to do. I will have to be discrete. masturbation and porno are not as good as before wife should not know my mm life.. I am just lonely and horny. Okay you arm chair Psychologist I just cannot take no touch no sex, not even nudity. I found a Place to watch, but that is creepy. What do I do Seriosly



















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    lesinindy, Sep 1, 2023
    #1
  3. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    good news and bad news...
    the bad news first. having random sexual encounters will not solve your loneliness. It will not solve your need for affection or desire to be touched.
    the good news - depending on where you live, finding a guy in your situation who is willing to have some sort of sex with you is fairly easy and uncomplicated.
    The bad news again - it's up to you to adjust your mind to this. You have to prepare yourself for it. You have to be aware of the consequences - as you mentioned, you don't want her to know. As discreet as you think you may be, you have to have some preparation for that moment when she finds out. A lot of guys are too nervous, skittish and have too many requirements to ever take the leap over the line to having sex with another man. If you can settle those (and maybe a few other hurdles unknown yet) you can enjoy yourself with someone or many someones - it is really up to you.

    Honestly, though. do you want to back up and try to address the reasons why she suddenly has grown cold? Have you talked with her about it? Have you expressed your frustrations? Even if she downplays your feelings, that isn't fair - a lot of men give up at that point and shut down, or never have that honest conversation with their wives. Tell her - hey, this isn't fair to me. You can ignore this, or make light of it, or even say all I think about is sex... but this is important.
    Why has she decided sex is no longer an important part of your relationship and does she really know how important it is to you?
    And are you really attracted to the same sex? Do you really have a desire to engage sexually with someone of the same sex, or have you just heard it is easier (less complicated) to have sex with a male than a female?

    If you read through this forum you will find there are all sorts of different views on gay and bisexual relationships. Some guys have buddies. Some guys are only about the desire for a cock in their hand, mouth or ass. Some guys are looking for a connection. Some guys are hooked the high they get from cruising and picking up someone they don't know for an hour of sex, and they walk away with no intention of anything else. So - there is a lot to think about and some big decisions to make.

    I'd say - the most important thing for you to do is make your feelings known to her. Depending on her reaction, you go from there with your next steps.
    Hope that gives you something to think about and hopefully I am not too far off target for you in what I've written.
     
    thepapasmurph, Sep 2, 2023
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  5. lesinindy

    lesinindy Members

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    Wise words
     
    lesinindy, Sep 3, 2023
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    thepapasmurph likes this.
  7. Windman

    Windman Members

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    As Papa said, it’s different for all of us, even though it’s a very similar dynamic that brings us to the same place each of us is looking for maybe a different solution even if it is slightly so. In my situation I have had several discussions with my wife about her not wanting sex or any physical touch anymore. The fact of it is she no longer desires it. From my perspective I don’t care to have that with someone who is just going through the motions to satisfy me. Desire is communicated by how we interact with each other. It is not much fun for me when the wife asks me to finish the handjob she is giving me because it is taking me too long to cum and she has no interest in it.

    She has gone as far as mentioning that she doesn’t want to know how I satisfy my sexual desires. She also has no idea at all I have done it with men. I go to lengths to keep that as far from her as I possibly can. My goal is not to hurt her(and her finding out would to a great extent.) it is simply to satisfy the cravings I have for sex. The emotional side of sexual intimacy has been the toughest to come up with for sure. Meeting men for sex is an easy solution that can satisfy physical cravings but for me it comes with compromises for sure. It compromises what I know she would want, and it doesn’t come with an emotional connection in most cases. That desire is still unmet.

    So no, it’s not a perfect solution. And it is one that carries some baggage with it. But I don’t want a divorce, it would have a drastic effect on my family and I do still love my wife in many other aspects of our marriage.
     
    Windman, Sep 4, 2023
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  9. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    @Windman You struck a chord with your comments. for sure, the lack of physical touch, intimacy and affection that goes way beyond the act of having sex is one of the greatest losses I can think of, to be honest. It cannot be replaced in a random hook-up with some guy or woman - and most men can't even admit they need this as much as they do. I wonder why women we've loved lose the desire to be touched and no longer see how important it is to us for them to reach out and touch us. Somewhere along the line they may have connected that brief touch, in passing in the kitchen, or wherever we are, to a booty call to make love or have sex - which they may not want to do anymore - and quite honestly never seemed to have the drive for even when we were younger. You men who have women with a high sex drive - how lucky you are. Truth is... affection, true affection from someone who loves you, cannot be replaced without an emotional attachment between the two people.
    It cannot be found easily, nor is it replaced by someone allowing you to orgasm.
    It sure is not perfect.
     
    thepapasmurph, Sep 4, 2023
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    Ajr12002, Ybcican, Windman and 1 other person like this.
  11. Ajr12002

    Ajr12002 Members

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    Ajr12002, Sep 8, 2023
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  13. mountain_seed

    mountain_seed Members

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    first of all, whoever came up with "loonlieness" should copyright the word!

    like looniness born of loneliness and visa versa..

    anyway..
    my advice to those who truly are in situations where they've been 'cut off' by a partner (not just that you want it more often than they do.. that's a problem to get help with)

    "exclusivity REQUIRES availability"

    yes.. you will likely need to be discreet.. but some just open up about it too..

    if you really want MM relief because you don't get ANY, why fret? figure out how to work it..

    if you're wanting MM sex not because you're deprived but because you're curious or bi.. well, that's up to you.. you can explore your options.. you may find it's what you've been waiting for..

    either way.. proceed cautiously with eyes wide open..

    best wishes..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 8, 2023
    mountain_seed, Sep 8, 2023
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    Suburbanray likes this.
  15. thepapasmurph

    thepapasmurph Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Couldn't agree more - great word - describes the way a lot of married men feel... lonely and looney - trying to figure shit out.
     
    thepapasmurph, Sep 8, 2023
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    Ybcican, mountain_seed and Ajr12002 like this.
  17. regina73

    regina73 Members

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    yes
     
    regina73, Sep 8, 2023
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  19. Lespaulgui

    Lespaulgui Members

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    I'm curious where you watch? Anyway, I too am in the boat. I got caught, by my wife conversing by text for a Bi set up. So that ended sex sites and forums. Not I too am at a loss, unless I stop by a video store, which I don't really care for. Sorry, I don't have an answer for either of us. I'm trying to pay more attention to friends and acquaintsess, seeing if I can find someone like minded. Hopefully, since I replied, more people will come in and comment. I like this forum, but most threads haven't any activity. Also wish this forum had better local threads so that it would be possible to actually meet up or become friends with. Best of luck,
     
    Lespaulgui, Sep 21, 2023
    #10
    Curious69, Suburbanray, regina73 and 1 other person like this.
  21. Sir Arthur

    Sir Arthur Senior Member

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    I’d like to meet people from this site too. I absolutely LOVE curious men.
     
    Sir Arthur, Sep 21, 2023
    #11
  23. Suburbanray

    Suburbanray Members

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    Your quote below is EXACTLY what I've been through.
    "In my situation I have had several discussions with my wife about her not wanting sex or any physical touch anymore. The fact of it is she no longer desires it. From my perspective I don’t care to have that with someone who is just going through the motions to satisfy me"

    I have zero desire to have sex with anyone who doesn't desire to have sex with me.
    My wife couldn't understand why I couldn't "just get over it" that she refused to have sex for 2 straight years, after a fluke of a couple nights nights, and then over 3 years before that!

    Maybe she'll finally understand when I serve her divorce papers? It really wouldn't have taken much to have made me happy and sexually satisfied, which would have made me a better person around her. But she played games, made me jump through hoops and rings after wanting an open marriage, then stopped again within a month. I've let her play too many mind fuck games on me with holding sex for long periods in the past as well.
    I was stewing in bitterness and resentment, allowing her to let me believe I'm undesirable. I know that's not the case now. I'll never get the level of affectionate touch I need as a human, let alone sex, and it will only make me more resentful and bitter as the years go by.

    I'm done with the havoc it's done to my physical and mental health! When your own wife was never and will never be attracted to you, it messes with your head and your sexuality as a man, wondering what is so wrong with me? When it's really what is so wrong with her?!

    I only wish I had gotten to this point a few years earlier, and thankfully no kids are involved!
    I refuse to ever let any one woman hold my sexual well being prisoner again!
     
    Suburbanray, Oct 10, 2023
    #12

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