How long should I feel guilty?

The first girl I kissed was 7 or 8 it is hard to remember, at the time I was sixteen. (it is hard to recall when it is something I want to forget) She was my first cousin, and obviously at the time was the only girl in my life I had not pushed away in some way or another. I pursued mildly this relationship if I may call it that until I left for college. If we were left alone I would eventually make some sort of advance. I never forced her physical, but I clearly and painfully remember when she died me she would say <please don^t make that face> so emotional I must have been putting pressure. Also she never told anyone I never told her not tell anyone she just knew it was between us I guess. I will not go into detail more than I never penetrated any part of her body with my penis. In layman terms I over about 2 years we got to around 2nd and third base. I keep myself from being alone from her now and when I am not in a relationship I doubt I could stop making advances hence i do not let myself alone with her.

There were two other girls my other first cousin and my second cousin. My other first was ten I only made a move once and saw her fully naked only once on accident. The second cousin was around 8 or 9 only one incident on a road-trip.

I consider these three things to be the worse things I have done in my life. And I have done other bad things, unusually bad things. I am trying to cry right now but sometimes when I feel too guilty I cannot let the tears go. I ask how long should I, not how long will I because unless I loss my memory or die I doubt I never will. But, you must know how I feel before you make a judgment. My mom left when I was four, I attached myself to variety of women who subsequently pushed me off. When I found her she did not hate me, reject me, leave me, she was so sweet and she just wanted to hold me and let me hold her.

My ex-girlfriend tells does not hate me even though she knows, I do not understand this. I can never tell anyone without risking destroying myself, my ex if she wanted could call my uncle and my life would never be the same, call my father and it would never be the same. So i tell you because I need the verbal abuse I deserve. If I killed myself I know that would help no-one so I live, move on. I would cut luxury out of my life like women and alcohol but if I get to low spirits I want to destroy everything again. If you read this you know the reason why I always have a barrier between my family and my friends. What I try to hide when I smile what I can never let just anyone see.

So again I ask How long do you think I should feel guilty?

 

you should feel guilty until you forgive yourself and make peace with the situation....


how long that takes is entirely up to you....

 

hmmm... man your going to have to get over it, seriously there's no point in feeling guilty the rest of your life. I bet you feel better even after just writing that. I've done some pretty shitty stuff recently, not really like what your talking about, mostly had to do with how I was behaving and how I was treating people when I was heavy into drugs and booze. Anyway long story short I went to rehab and there were people there faaaaaar more fucked up then me with some crazy fucking guilt issues. I'm not even going to give any examples because I feel like I would be betraying the people I met there. The consellors told us we couldn't keep shit bottled up, so we did two things, we wrote down what was bothering us and talked about it with eachother. it's funny how we can solve other peoples problems but when it comes to our own we don't know what the hell to do. Sometimes you just need someones else input, or talk to someone who can relate and validate how you are feeling. Anyway your half way there, you wrote down what was bothering you and your know going to recieve input from others(theres probably going to be some asshole calling you names but pay them no mind). Now you just have to come to terms with it and accept it, you can't change the past, but you can choose whether or not past issues affect you in the present. This is easier said then done, I admit theres times when I look at my parents and feel a pang of guilt when i think about what an asshole I was but you just have to work through those things. The way I look at your situation is like this, yes it was wrong but i'm sure you didnt plan all this. Like you said it was obviously a difficult time in ur life, its not like ur a serial rapist or something because you feel bad about it. However feeling bad isn't going to change anything, move on buddy dont let the past govern how you feel TODAY. Hope that was at least somewhat helpful.:cheers2: cheer up!

 

You violated 3 little girls. You were more than old enough to know what you were doing was wrong, and don't use your mom leaving you as an excuse. Everyone in this life has gone through one thing or another that has traumatized them just as much. Just as you have probably traumatized those little girls for the rest of theirs. You stole their innocence and purity. I hope you never forget what you did, because i can assure you they wont.

 

Ok, I gave you advise about your guilt but I think you need advice on more then that. You said this type of thing just didn't happen with the one girl, it happened with 3, all of them part of your family. If one of these girls tells about what you did, you are FUCKED. Because really, what you did, whether you want to admit it or not, is rape them. Because they are so young, it is considered rape. Not only will your family fall apart but you will most likely go to jail. This is serious shit my friend, and pretty foul I might add. But I'm not here to judge, i'm going to try to keep you otta jail. First thing, DONT DO IT AGAIN. whatever it takes do not do this anymore, not only will you get in trouble but it probably screwed them up emotionally and psychologically as well. Be NICE to them, not only to make up for what you did but to stay on their good side, if you treat them with love they will be less likely to rat out their cousin "lester the molester", and i'm not being mean i'm just telling it like it is, hopefully for your sake, they will repress those memories deep within their subconsious. Try to make up for what you did, and don't beat urself up about it it does no good and changes nothing!

 

truth

 

fail.

 

Excuse me? How do I "fail"? I did not molest 3 little girls, nor do I support the man who did it.

So please explain to me how exactly i 'fail'.

 

Because he understands that and already feels terribly guilty. Your just repeating what he said basically.

 

You failed because you just jumped to the typical conclusions of people who arent really experienced or have well thought out oppinions. Im not trying to insult you or him or anything, im just saying, it may not be so straight forward and simple. And i donot support this, i just chose to disagree...

About trauma, it may not be how it appears. They might have not been traumatised at all... shit i saw weird shit when i was a small kid, it didnt fuck me up... well not as much as stuff i had little to no control over (involving other people/ parents) etc.

He said nothing was forced, no rape involved, he just kissed... trauma??? not the same as loosing a parent at childhood, or getting constantly picked on etc

and ofcrouse this.

 

Apparently you aren't able to read, because I didn't repeat everything he said. It doesn't matter that he feels guilty because he did it to himself, but worse he screwed up those children for the rest of their lives. So maybe he should be worrying a little more about how they feel and work on making them feel better than himself. THAN possibly he will be able to deal with his own feelings of guilt if he can get their forgiveness.

Idiots.

 

WOW. Maybe you weren't traumatized by SEEING things, but if you were 6 and someone you trusted started doing things to you, you wouldn't know any better until you were at an age to understand what actually had happened. Don't tell me I'm not speaking from experience because you have NO idea what I've been through, nor would I share it with a group of insensitive people. I'm glad he feels remorse for what he did, but loosing your mother does not mean go out and touch your little cousins. Spreading your pain on to others is not called for. Also he stated he did more than just kiss them, if you had actually read everything thoroughly.

I think the one speaking without experience or well thought out opinions is you mr.green.

 

Until I tell you to stop. Check back with me every few weeks.

 

Spreading your pain to others is not called for? I recall you saying that people on here are insensitive, YOU are the insensitive one for not allowing him to vent his feelings which is part of the healing process. But other than that you beat me. I give up.

 

I cant believe some people are justifying this pedo molesting children.

I'm sure if it was your child, you wouldnt be so tolerant of what this dude has done just because he's trying to forgive himself.

If someone did that to anyone I care for, I would flat out look for that person and knock them the fuck out and not regret it

 

No person deserves to have that embedded in there mind for the rest of there lives.

It can seriously fuck people up

 

I have every right to be insensitive to someone like that. He vented when he posted this. I did not stop him from doing anything. I'm glad your giving up, hopefully you've realized defending a child molester is wrong, whether he is feeling guilt for it or not. That doesn't change anything or make it go away.

One does not 'heal' after doing something so horrific. The fact that he still can't help himself to left alone with them is enough that he should be locked up for life. There's a chance that they're will be more victims to come.

I only hope he finds the strength to never attack another child again and discovers different ways of dealing with his pain that doesn't involve inflicting it on others.

 

Forever.
Unless you honestly change.

 

because people never change and can't be reformed.