How does someone gender-alternative meet someone?

I'm both pansexual and asexual; my own gender blend of male and female traits seems to be attracted to anyone, yet my gender identity attractions cancel each other out,
leaving me unmotivated to move in any particular direction.

By default, I've had hetero relationships-mostly out of obligation, to avoid being pestered, wanting to save face, etc., but the hetero men didn't appreciate my libido being 10 Xs theirs,
so I suppressed signs of pleasure/lust to avoid threatening them.

My best relationship was my last ex, a gorgeous biseuxal, who could do it all and let ME do it all-play any role, use costumes, whips, handcuffs, etc.
We always pretended to be having orgies and gang bangs, though never for real.
He was great, but I'm too male to make other males behave, and he's too female to be obedient to another female, so it didn't work out. Still, it was 8 years of
fun that never slowed down for one minute!

Now that I'm old enough that I don't have to impress anyone, I'm single. My mixed gender traits cancel each other out and I still do nothing to gain a mate, and lack motivation.
I don't even know what I want, or IF I want anyone, and if so, which gender.
My ideal relationship would be my gorgeous bisexual ex and a bisexual transwoman my male side fell in love with last year, and I, living in a 3-way.
Both of them agreed, but things fell through, and if two people can barely figure out how to live together, I suppose it is too complicated for 3 of them.
Still, everyone would have had what he/she/zir wanted sexually since we're all attracted to both genders.

My male side gets lonely, so I tried to meet someone in a bigender forum but that didn't work out.
In case I get more desperate, does anyone know a good way to meet gender-varied people?

I'm usually too lazy to try, however