how do you get over someone...

when you have to see them and their new love interest all the time?

This is a really long story, please bare with me.

I was on and off with my ex for almost 5 years. We share all the same friends. My best friend is his roommate, so there is no way I can avoid him.

He started dating another girl in our circle of friends about a year ago, not too long after I moved out of the house we shared together. She and I were not really good friends at the time, but i still considered her a friend so I was a little hurt by this. Also, my ex and I always had an agreement that if we were to stay friends we would be upfront and honest about new love interests to avoid awkwardness or the pain of hearing it from someone else. But when they started seeing each other, he denied denied denied it to me, which made me feel really awkward around them because it was obvious they liked each other and of course, I heard all about it from a million other people.

So the girl he was seeing comes to me a few months into them seeing each other and asks if I'm okay with everything. At that point i was just relieved that they didn't feel they needed to hide it from me anymore, so I gave her my blessing and we eventually became closer, to the point where she was confiding in me about problems she had with my ex. I was the only one that understood, appearantly.

Anyways, after I got to know this girl better I really started to get the impression that she's just not a very good person. She's extremely self centered and narcissistic. She is incapable of having conversations unless the conversation revolves around her. I don't do well around that type of person at all, so i started to distance myself from her. At the same time, my ex boyfriend got pissed that she was telling me so much personal information about their relationship, so he stopped seeing her.

He also told me during this time that she was a huge liar and that all the shit she told me about their relationship when she was confiding in me was nothing but lies designed to drive a wedge between me and my ex.

Shortly after this happened my ex and i were hanging out (we've always been really good friends during our "off" periods. I consider him, or I used to consider him, one of my best friends and one of the few people I really trust, or did trust). Anyway, he told me he was still madly in love with me and we ended up sleeping together and I started staying the night at his house almost every night.

This went on until a few nights ago, when we went to a show with our whole group of friends and he and I drove together. I wasn't even drunk, but my ex got really drunk and all of a sudden that girl he was seeing comes up to me and says that my ex asked her to drive my car to his house because we were both too drunk. I told her I was fine to drive, and drove us home, but the girl ended up catching a ride with my best friend that lives with my ex. For no good reason. Her roommates were at that show so she had a ride to her house, but for some reason she wanted to come to my ex's house where she would be stranded without a car.

I ended up dropping my ex off that night and going home. He went from acting like he had no respect for her and thought she was a bad person that told lies to me, the person he claimed to really care about, to inviting her to his house where he knew she would be stranded. I have no idea if anything happened between them that night, but I do know from my friend that is his roommate that she's spent a lot of time over there since then.

I'm extremely hurt by all of this. My ex boyfriend went through phases where he acted extremely selfishly towards me and didnt treat me very well, but I always tried to be the bigger person and understand him and forgive him. We've always managed to be friends and even though hes a scared shitless little boy when he's in a relationship with me, he's always treated me respectfully as a friend. But he won't even talk to me now about what happened between us or why this girl has suddenly implanted herself back in his life. I brought it up once and he acted like I was just being dramatic. He said something along the lines of, "my life is high school musical."

That comment just pissed me off because I'm not going to feel bad about the hurt I feel or feel bad for bringing it up and causing any friction in his life. Thats ridiculous that I would even feel bad about that. Its ridiculous that he would take up with her again when he made such a show of making her out to be a manipulative lying bitch at one point in time. Ridiculous that he would coldly end whatever has been going on with him and I the past few weeks. End it without a word.

Now i'm just pissed and feeling extremely resentful towards both of them. I think they're both entirely too self involved to look around and see when they hurt other people. They're selfish and I really just want to wash my hands clean of both of them.

The thing is, I can't just cut them out of my life. I would never see my friends if I started avoiding them. Like, we all have a camping trip planned this weekend. I was really looking forward to it but I dont even want to look at him right now and everything that comes out of her mouth will irritate me to the point where it might become noticeable. But if I stay I miss out on an awesome trip thats become a holiday tradition and I also won't have any friends left in town to spend my new years with.

So it looks like I have two choices. I either have to swallow my pride and make peace with them or I have to consider the possiblity of giving up all our shared friends and just being a sad lonely person until I can make new friends, who will not be nearly as cool and awesome as the friends we all share.

Sorry this is so long. I don't really know what kind of advice i'm looking for here but I thought an outsider's perspective would help me not feel so discombobulated by it all.

I'm not usually an angry person but I just feel like smashing his face in right now, quite honestly.

 

Harder decision to make with a more difficult outcome to bear.

Easier decision to make given it's always easier to walk away, with an easier outcome to bear.


I personally have been in both situations numerous times and can honestly say that the latter decision was much easier for me. I enjoy being alone and most of my friends at both times were shit anyways.

I have a much harder time facing someone I cared for being with someone else. I don't get jealous, just sad about it given how deeply I cared for them.

 

Ill be your friend :love:

 

i generally find it easier to forgive than walk away, which is why I've always forgiven my ex and tried to be his friend. But there are only so many times you can hurt someone. Even if I don't walk away from this, I'm not going to be able to trust him to be a good friend to me so we won't be able to salvage a friendship out of this.

I used to be comfortable with being alone. Somehow my personality has switched from being an introvert to an extrovert over the years. Maybe I just need to give up the friends for a while and reclaim my introverted side. I have a feeling certain people in our group of friends would not let me walk away from them anyways, which makes me feel good.

does this mean i have an excuse to come out to cali?

 

Yes

 

it's a good thing i had already read half of that before i realized just how long it really was...

personally, i'd distance myself. you may not be able to cut him completely out of your life, but you should probably try to do so as much as possible. if you can, hang out with your friends when he's not around.

the only other option i can see is finding someone else, and even that might not work if your ex is constantly in your face.

 

Road trip.

 

Have sex with 3 new people, then you wont care. Crude, but it works the best.

 

lol because one just won't do..it must be 3. hooking up with random people isnt usually my style, but my style hasnt been working for me. maybe doing the opposite of what i would normally do will have good results

 

i'd kick him in the balls.

 

Personally, when in situations similar to this I have walked away I suppose. Ive changed my entire group of friends at least 4 time in my life. Sometimes I am happy with the choice, sometimes I am not, but I try not to regret the choices by any means. I know I have to live with what I chose, as you will. Just be careful not to develop a self fulfilling prophecy. If you leave your group of friends (or just some of the ones you necessarily must avoid) with the belief that you will not find anyone better, then it will hinder your ability and drive to seek new friends and give them the time to become good friends. Rome was not build in a day, and neither are the best friendships.

 

I hate to say it, but you still like the dude... in that way.

 

Wishes a dude liked him, in that way.

 

chin up mate, he's out there somewhere :frown:

 

ok, breaking up and then continuing to be friends immediately afterwards is almost always disasterous! just stop hangin with him forseveral months at least. enjoy your time alone and enjoy any new friend you make.

 

there's a thought.

I dont wanna

well I know I can find other people with the traits I value in a friend..loyalty, good character, sense of humor, etc...but my current friends are rather special. They have a certain drive to experience life to the fullest that most people lack.

yeah, the reason we're so off and on is because we always try to be friends afterwards and end up getting back together. Its actually kind of a relief that I'm so damn pissed off at him right now. I was never able to hold a grudge before but I think this is really the final straw, no more of this staying friends and getting back together bullshit.

 

revenge sex....end of story

 

just be patient... one of them will catch herpes eventually :mickey:

 

This is kinda what I am talking about. It doesn't have to people strangers. Just people u haven't had sex with. Friends, family, etc..


Lmao... haha jk on the fam part.

 

^This basically my advice too. Even though the situation sucks especially the timing. Atleast you have more freedom now.