How Do You Define Sex?

Wanting to get a good gauge of opinions here. My husband and I got into a slight disagreement on this when discussing our poly lifestyle so now I'm wondering what popular opinion has to say. There's no right or wrong answer IMO, but what do you consider sex?

Just vaginal? Oral included?
Is there any foreplay you would consider sex? Fingering? Handjobs?

 

I think sex is the interaction of two people engaging intimately. So handjobs/oral/intercourse/etc. would all qualify.

Although, used as a term, (ex: 'I had sex with her last week') it seems to be used in place of intercourse specifically.

Edit: I'd also say losing your virginity is definitely defined by penetration

 

^^^^

I agree 100% with the cat above me..

 

Darn, well, so far I'm losing.

I never actually considered fingering or handjobs as sex. Our disagreement made me question it, myself.

I suppose my grounds were always that genitals have to be penetrating an orifice. But I suppose in context like that it could be a little sexist.

:unsure:

 

Footjobs thats sex too..

Anything intimate with another person would be considered sex.

if youre just pissing in someone face and thats all you do, its not really sex to the pisser, just the receiver.. sorry I went there.. ;-)

 

when the snake goes in the bush

 

Er sexting and cam are considered having sex?

I wondered this, too. Is it just actual penetration?

When I'm asked how many I have had sex with...I answer the number I have had actual intercourse with. If I have to include handjobs/oral, sext, cam...than I am not so shy anymore. :/

 

Yes, but penetration by what?

I asked this question a while back. Does penetration by fingers alone (i.e. finger-fucking) constitute loss of virginity? I always used to say "no", but that asked the question here in the forums and got an extremely mixed response. Some people agreed with me (if she hasn't had a cock inside her, she's still a virgin) while others didn't (finger-fucking counts as loss of virginity.) Then, of course, there's the subject of sex toys. If a young woman (virgin) allows her boyfriend to penetrate her vagina with a dildo, has she just lost her virginity? If so, how is that (or the finger-fucking example) any different from her using her own fingers or a dildo to masturbate herself? Did she just lose her virginity to herself? Seems more that a little weird to me.

So, given all that and in lieu of a convincing counter-argument (and by all means, bring 'em on!) I'm sticking with the old standard of "she's got to ride the baloney pony" to lose her virginity.

 

Fine line between sex and acts of a sexual nature.

This reminds me of a debate I had with a friend once. He was about to have sex with a woman, got the head in and then they were interrupted. He said it didn't count as having sex with her. I said it counted. He wanted me to justify that position so I said "What if I only put the head of my dick in your mom....does that count?" That was a short debate.

 

He would never do that. And he knew I was only joking.

 

Absolutely. However, I've been trying to nail down the formal definition (of "virgin", that is.) If you look in Merriam-Webster's Collegiate® Dictionary, Eleventh Edition, you'll find the following two definitions.

virgin: A person who has not had sexual intercourse.
sexual intercourse:
1: heterosexual intercourse involving penetration of the vagina by the penis.
2: intercourse (as anal or oral intercourse) that does not involve penetration of the vagina by the penis
intercourse: physical sexual contact between individuals that involves the genitalia of at least one person <anal intercourse> <oral intercourse>.

So, based on those definitions, vaginal sexual intercourse requires insertion of the penis in the vagina, while anal or oral intercourse only requires insertion of, well, some part of one person into the appropriate orifice of the other. So, distilled to the most simplistic situation possible, if your a woman and you've either given a guy a blowjob, or let him insert any part of his body (cock, fingers, toes, tongue...) in your ass, you've lost your virginity. OTOH, if he's inserted any part of his body other than his cock in your pussy, technically you're still a virgin.

That appears to be how a rules lawyer would read it. YMMV.

 

Anytime when what we consider our sexual bits are involved - really, that's sex.

So, yes, I consider even that wonderful first feel-up we had with clothes on as a sexual act!

 

Sex is not just penetration its any sexual activity. Fingering, blow jobs, petting. etc

 

I needed this discussion a long long time ago. My wife and I dated seven years, and we decided early in our relationship (for religious and pregnancy-avoiding reasons) to abstain from "sex" until our wedding night. So we spent seven years fondling, fingering to orgasm, jacking off, with no oral, anal, or vaginal penile penetration. We considered that we had not had sex. Several years after we were married, she confessed that she had enjoyed sex with several guys in college, but it was only because the one who took her virginity convinced her it wasn't really sex since he used a condom and his penis didn't actually touch her pussy. At some point between the first time and the 20th time, she realized it really was sex. I kidded her about being so gullible, and now I'm learning that we were having sex all the time during those seven years with fingering, etc. Does anybody have a time machine I can borrow to go back and have real sex before marriage?