I have an 18 month old son and I'm 9 months pregnant. So there a few little things that I'm not doing the way they tell me to that i don't think are a big deal. I don't give him straight cow's milk or much meat. He eats what I believe to be a balanced diet of eggs, cheese, fruits, vegetables, whatever grain foods I can get him to eat and I usually give him 3 parts water + 1 part 100% juice (usually apple) to drink and occasionally toddler formula. I don't feel the need to give him whole milk, but they say i should. I will give him meat occasionally, something I've cooked that is not heavily seasoned, but I prefer to give him his protein in the form of eggs (which I feel is the best protein source) and cheese or greek yogurt. So that stuff I'm not so worried about. Here's the stuff I feel like I'm screwing up. 1. I'm turning him into a T.V. addict. I discovered that he will watch baby TV and hang out in his playpen content. At first I used this to allow me to make a snack, do some laundry, whatever little things. But the more pregnant I get, the more I want to not chase him around the house and I find myself leaving him in front of the TV while I say... make an internet post about my parenting guilt. 2. I have not vaccinated. I never planned to not vaccinate. I planned to start it at 1 year. But he's now 18 months old and has never had a shot. I am paranoid about vaccine injury, but I don't fundamentally believe that vaccination is harmful. I'm just having a hard time bringing myself to actually do it. I would be devastated if I had him get a shot and then saw his personality change. 3. This is really troublesome. I don't put him to bed right. I have let bedtime become this high-maintenance routine. When I first tried to let him put himself to sleep at 9-10 months, he was GREAT at it. It was less than 5 minutes of crying right off the bat and quickly reduced to less than a minute or two. He'd just fuss and then get comfy and go to sleep. Then he got sick and had a fever and he couldn't sleep right. We had to bring him in our bed and comfort him and he'd literally get up and flop onto our bodies in the night because he was uncomfortable due to his illness. After a week or so of that, when he was no longer ill. He just wouldn't go to bed on his own anymore. I'd put him to bed and after 25 minutes, he'd still be red in the face and screaming. I quit trying and went to cuddling him to bed in my bed with a bottle. Sometimes he'd be restless and his dad would put him in the stroller and take him for a walk. Now it's been months of high-maintenance bedtimes and I take him with a bottle at 9:30 and cuddle him, if he doesn't fall asleep drinking it then it's flopping around in my bed, trying to keep himself awake, climbing on my head (sometimes he keeps himself up till 10:30)... once he's asleep, we put him in the crib. Half the time he wakes in the middle of the night and has to be brought back in the bed and cuddled back to sleep. At that point were generally too tired to move him back to the crib. So I have completely screwed up bedtime... beyond all hope. Now I have a baby due in three weeks and there's no way I can even deal with this. I'm going to have a little newborn to nurse to sleep in my bed and I can't have an 18 month old flopping around and climbing on us. What's worse is we are all crammed into one small bedroom, his crib literally adjacent to our bed with nowhere else to put it [not to mention no room at all for a second crib]. So if he wakes, he sees us and cries to wake us... What advice???
As far as food.... meat's good. What's bad are hormones in meat. Or hormones in any products. Screw juice and sugar, push that protein and calcium. Sugar's bad because kids get picky, when there's always some sweet option to whine for. Picky eaters happen when you let them be picky - not to say be an authoritarian jerk, but if they don't think to whine, they don't... Kids should generally NEVER watch TV - ads, even/especially kids ads, are really bad for your brain and how you think and how you approach wants/needs. If my kids watching something I'm watching it with her, or I know EXACTLY what it is. Vaccines are hard on little kids - you got it right. They're important to have, but there's no reason to do that to a small child - just do it before school. It's okay for kids to want to sleep with their parents or whatever, if you have the patience - but if going to bed is a big thing, it sounds like he's got you over a barrel. Explain that he's got to go to bed, and if after 25 minutes he's screaming, well.... wait another 25, and repeat as necessary. It's a whining standoff, and if you cave, what the hell can't he make you cave on? My advice is stop responding to whining. If kids ask for something in a reasonable way, you address it - if you can do it, do it, if not, tell them why not, but if they try to devolve the conversation into screaming, ignore that shit as long as you have t. Also, TV tends to teach insufferable whining. There's all these awful kids shows that act like they're teaching some good moral about not whining or playing nice with others, but the moral goes right over the kids heads, all the see is an instructional tape on irrational whining until you get something, or how to pick on others - you'll find 'em using the phrases from the shows, that the show was about NOT using, and that sort of thing. I know it's cliche to say that kids learn to whine, it's not totally true, but to a degree, you can control their entire thought paradigm and approach to life - if that kind of behavior just doesn't exist, they can't do it. If it gets them nowhere, they learn better really quickly. (of course, quick might seem slow, if they've always been able to behave that way and never had any stopping point) My exception with TV is video games - I won't let her touch modern "kids" video games, or tablet/touchscreen devices, which basically let you use the device without any brain power - but she has free reign of my classic game consoles - simple and fun but difficult games. Nothing newer than n64. NES or something only has a few buttons, but has enough to press the abilities of kids (say they get in their head that one arrow goes forward, and then have a hard time understanding to use another to go another direction - this is good, it makes them expand their spatial/motor understanding in order to progress) - they might give up in the short term, but the games have a pull that'll bring them back. Treat kids like little adults - how else would they learn to be adults? Use a big vocabulary, no baby talk, and all the logic and explanation necessary - if they don't get it at first, that's because they don't think they'll have to, because you'll just cave to whining. Don't do it. If you always try to avoid strife and just make them instantly happy, you will be a hostage to that forever, and they'll try to solve problems by throwing fits for their entire lives. Give the kid some toys or games that require logic and consideration, and turn the TV off. It's great to compromise and to let kids make choices when you can (my kids always telling me which road to take, and that sort of thing - I don't just mean little choices) but other times, you've got to own that shit and take no shit - depends on context. Remember that it's not about how they're acting and how it affects you, it's how they're thinking and what it will cause them to grow into. You're not controlling them to make life easy for you, you're teaching them to be able to control themselves. TV is attention-span-killing brain-poison. Vaccines are lifesaving. Kill your TV and vaccinate him. *edit* I know I'm stating the obvious, on most of this - but sometimes things are so obvious that people forget them, or remember them but do all sorts of things that violate them, without ever thinking about it.
I am good at not giving into whining. I make him communicate to me with whatever tools he has that are not screaming and whining before I give in to even a request for a drink of water. He's actually a really good kid. I mean, typical for his age, he loses his patience the very instant that the toy he is rolling across the floor bumps into another object and stops rolling, but I just tell him to remain calm and figure it out or ask for help. I've seen kids his age that just whine every few minutes for literally no discernible reason and scream and wail for whatever object they want. The bedtime thing though. I feel like the only reasonable thing to do is just let him cry it out and go to sleep, but when it's been 20 or more minutes and I I hear my sweet boy screaming because he's scared and alone in the dark when he's accustomed to being snuggled by his mom and dad, it's like my heart is being pulled apart.
also I do agree that meat is good(ish) and it's the hormones, antibiotics, etc that are troublesome, I still think that eggs are as good or better.
Any chance the illness he had caused harm? If his sleep was changed after having been ill and he's not handling sleep well anymore, I just wonder if there may be a health issue. The body goes through changes when it's time for sleep (such as body temperature) so I wonder if something is aggravating him. If something is aggravating him, he'll be uncomfortable and unwilling to go to sleep. "Just before we fall asleep, our bodies begin to lose some heat to the environment, which some researchers believe actually helps to induce sleep." Characteristics of sleep
I don't think so. It was a flu we both had. It was pretty bad I guess. We were BOTH so congested that snot backed up out our eyeballs and I thought we had pinkeye. He got an ear infection from the flu so the little nugget was on antibiotics (which gave him a yeast infection instantly) as well as administered ibuprofen and acetaminophen for high fever. But I don't think there are lasting significant effects from it. At night he seems to be struggling against falling asleep, sitting up and flopping around. And if we don't move him to the crib, if he wakes in the night he goes right back to sleep, but when he wakes in his crip and discovers that he is not in bed with us, he protests but then falls right back to sleep when we get him into our bed.
A lot of kids also just change after being sick - they start out totally innocent and happy, and then life kicks them in the face, and they're darker about things. I've had relatives like that. I've also heard of kids being like that after shots. Part of why I think giving very young children should NOT be pricked. (I also think the whole stealing DNA from their heel thing is beyond criminal. Well I mean, it's exactly criminal, since it came out that they really are doing what we all could have guessed, and stealing and cataloging everyone's DNA) I'd do something about him not being able to sleep alone now - it won't get easier with time. There's a point where it also becomes manipulative, or at the very least, a self-fulfilling fear on his part. Might consider sleeping with you as a bargaining chip or reward, or special thing - that's what I do.
This is what I see: Even though the flu has passed it just seems like something is really bothering him.
Okay, this is based on raising two kids to adulthood, caring for more than 100 other kids over 11 years and as a parent educator. Don't sweat it. You are doing just fine. I wish more parents were as concerned about things as you are. Sleep for kids goes in waves.. it actually does for adults too. I would be his not sleeping has to do with his recent illness, your stress about being pregnant and due to deliver soon and suddenly having two babies to care for. That's totally understandable. Try to relax about the sleep issues... One thing that I've heard from some parents that work for some kids, is having a bedtime routine.. (bath, story time and cuddle time)... lie down with him while he is in bed, so he learns to equate bedtime with comfort. Be sure you don't fall asleep, and sleep there all night, or he will start to expect that. Respect any fears he has... darkness, monsters under the bed, being alone, etc.... and work around those.. a night light, monster begone spray (lavender essential oil in water), stuffed toys as companions. One thing I had with my kids was no set bedtime, but they had to be in their beds at a certain time. They could look at books, play quietly, but they had to be in bed. Most nights they were asleep within 20 minutes. I would then turn out the lights. I also kept their door open so they still felt a connection to me. As far as food.. as long as he is growing and gaining weight, you are doing the right things. There is a lot of discussion about milk in general and especially for kids. Like vaccinations... do your research and make your own decisions on those issues. Do what you feel is right for you and your child, not what anyone else tells you to do. About the TV issue. Not all TV is bad.. nothing is completely good or bad.. but moderation is often the key. If you want to limit his TV time, start weaning him off it but giving him a toy or two that captures his attention, and start reducing his TV time by five minutes at a time. Sometimes it helps to make a little chart... times, what toys work, what shows he is watching, amount of time, etc... Hang in there... I think you are doing everything pretty damn great!
Kids like to know what to expect. Consistency teaches them to expect the same outcome in a given situation. Being inconsistent....consistently....shows them that the outcome can and will change if they exhibit a certain behavior. Read up on positive and negative reinforcement. When our daughter was little, we didn't have a lot of these issues because we just drew a line in the sand...she got over it and that was that. When we decided she would no longer have a pacifier, that was the last day she ever saw one. It was just gone and a thing of the past. She was over it in a day or two. Same thing with the bottle. Once she could drink from a "sippy cup" on a regular basis....we got rid of all of the bottles in the house. As far as sweets....our strategy was to not give her fruit for about 1 1/2 months after she started eating baby food. She got veggies and didn't know fruit existed. So she learned to love veggies and grew to prefer them over sweet stuff. She's 11 now and an ideal snack in her mind is to eat raw broccoli, etc. She regularly sits down with smaller cucumbers and eats them like an apple. We usually don't get to make dishes with things like peas from our garden because we never accumulate enough before she eats them all as a snack. It might be a little late to try that with your 18 month old but you could give it a shot with the newborn.
You're doing well. Every parent wishes they could do something a little better or different, but you have to sacrifice here and there, especially if there is no one to help out. I just want to comment on your issue #1: Homer Simpson described TV like this once: "Mother, teacher, ... lover." The TV does help out, and new media is a big issue for most parents. Kids now hide out under the sheets watching youtube on their phones, so how much is too much is a valid question with no clear answer. But that you are conscious of it is all it takes. Keep an eye on it and make changes to the schedule when you can.
If you're planning to use public schools, you need to start looking into exemptions for vaccinations if you plan to keep avoiding it. There's actually some really good television programming for very young, pre-school children. You can't possibly do enough by yourself to keep a child's mind stimulated. They're like Border Collies!
